Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting
by Sn-chn
Summary: You'll soon find out that one silly game can change everything. From one thing comes another, and the game even causes to get Kagome and Inuyasha further apart than they've ever been before... Please R&R! Completed, I love you all! [What to do next? up]
1. Chapter 1

** Yeah, I figured it might be fun for you guys if the first eight chapters would be readable too… So I'm posting them in HTML format so it's better to read with the… triple dot and stuff. So I hope you enjoy!!! By the way, I'm not posting them all at the same time, so it might occur the first 2 or 3 chapters are in HTML and the other 5 or 6 still with one dot instead of three. Just thought you might want to know…**

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting…

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Chapter 1

Inuyasha and the gang were about to take a break. They had been searching for shards for about a week, without any success, so they decided that if they couldn't find any more shards, Naraku probably would also have troubles finding them. It was time for a well-deserved break. 

"Ah, damn it! I don't care about those fucking shards! Let Naraku search for 'em! I'll defeat him afterwards!" Inuyasha yelled. He was a being a little more pissed of then normally. 

"But what if there were just no more shards left?" Kagome wandered loudly. 

*That can't be, right? It can't be the little shards we have already make the Tama with the huge shard Naraku has. It CAN'T be!*

"Feh! And they say I'M simple minded! Kagome, just that we can't find them, doesn't mean that there are no more left! They are just hard to find, or Naraku just has found some new shards before we got 'em!"

"My mind is gonna crack!" Shippo screamed," Can't we forget about it for one day!"

"Shippo does have a point you know…" Sango also looked really tired of all those days, "We could all use a real day off!"

"Yeah, I think that is a great idea. Besides, Kagome-sama has to go home someday!" Miroku added.

"Oh that's right! How many days have we been here, searching…" she asked, a bit nervous.

"Seven days 'till now, but I don't really get the point here!" Inuyasha said to her, looking very non-understanding. 

"SEVEN DAYS?! Oh, when did I leave…O NO! I've missed two tests already!"

*Geez! I should've known! Those stupid "tests" that seem so VERY "important"! What's that about anyway! It's that Hoho-boy I guess…*

"Guys, I'm sorry, I really have to go now! I can't afford to miss any more tests. I'll see you in, ehm…three days alright?"

"THREE WHOLE DAYS?! What's so important! What are all those tests about anyway?"

"Inuyasha! PLEASE let me go, I'll have really big trouble if I don't!" Kagome almost begged him to…but she wasn't gonna do THAT!

"But WHY three days, I mean what is really so important?"

"Well, it's just…my best friend…It's her birthday and I really promised to come…I haven't been doing fun things with her for a long time now, so…I'll go now, bye everyone!" and all of the sudden she jumped into the well.

"But…HEEY! Wait a minute!" he yelled after her. 

"Kagome-sama isn't stupid, Inuyasha. She knows she has to explain every little thing she does to you. She probably needed to get home real quick. So, she just ran off!" Miroku explained…or sort of…

"Feh! That wench! She always does stuff like that!"

*Leaving me alone for three days…*

"So what are we going to do…" Sango said with a deep wrinkle in her forehead. 

"You know…maybe we could do some fun game!" Shippo was smiling.

"Maybe…we should split up and see what happens…" Miroku suggested. 

"But…WHY in the world should we do that!" Sango asked.

"Well, doesn't matter to me! I'll be staying alone anyhow! I can take care of myself!" and with that Inuyasha walked of to the forest that was named after him.

"Would you play a game with me, Sango?"

"Shippo, we are playing a game already!" Miroku said.

"We ARE?" Sango said, notice the sarcasm in her voice…^.^

"Yeah, we are…"

"I don't think it's a nice game! I wanna go play tag or something!"

"What is the stupid game about anyway?"

"It's about being separated from your lover…AND if you can stand to be away from the other person for as long the time is!" Miroku said with a ^_^ face… 

Inuyasha IS a dog, you know, and of course he accidentally heard all of it on purpose… 

(AN: Yeah…nice grammar there, ne? *_*)

*Feh! What is THAT for a stupid game! But I don't see who the lovers are, those who are separated. Sango-Miroku? Nope…too lechery, that houshi…Shippo's too young to fall in love…Leaves me…I'm a hanyou, don't fall in love. That means Kagome must be in love with someone…but SHE always is the one that leaves, right? So IF the &%%#$% game is to work, the other must love her back…MIROKU?!!!*

Inuyasha fell out of his tree with a loud *THUD*. Definitely not noticed by Miroku, Shippo and Sango of course…

*Miroku…Get your paws of Kagome!*

"Oi! Inuyasha! What is WRONG with you!" Shippo yelled.

"Feh!"

He finally realised the meaning of this game, ne? Inuyasha?" Miroku blinked at him.

"Grrrrrrrrrr…I don't understand ANYTHING of this stupid game! You lechery monk! What actually IS the meaning of this game!" he asked, rather dumb. He was still staring at the monk with disbelief…

"Ai…I thought you would have heard it from there…"

"I did, but I still don't get it…"

"Well, you'll find out after a while…"

"Feh! Don't mind me, you know! I was gonna spend those nice and quiet days by myself anyhow!"

"Well, I'll be going to my old home. Shippo, maybe you'd stay with Kaede. That is the best solution, I think!" Miroku said to the others.

"I'm with Kirara somewhere around the village, I guess."

And with that they leave each other.

~*~

Okay, guys! I decided to do it in chapters after all, but notice that there is a songfic version for some of the chapters, so watch where you're clicking if you wanna read the next chapter. Anyway, have lots of fun with my 'way-too-long' story, I hope you like it. I'll be posting one chapter in a week I guess, because I have to make the songfic somehow. I guess it'll make reading a bit more complicated, but I so wanna make this a songfic! Maybe I'd just do one chapter a songfic and the other normal. I guess that's a good idea! Yo, I'm getting ideas while writing this… So what I'm gonna do is:

~I'll SWITCH from songfic to normal fic!~ ^.^ Okay, that was it…


	2. Chapter 2

Ooops! Forgot to say that the lines between *…* are Inuyasha's thoughts, and ONLY his… Quite important I think actually…

~*~

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 2

After a couple of hours Inuyasha, understood a LITTLE of the game.

*Geez! I'm getting bored around here…*

Something else bugging him too…

*Stupid Miroku! How does HE know about this game anyway…Lechery roots or something?! It isn't like him, more something for Kagome to think of…By the way…what's the wench doing right now? Let's go check upon her…dating with boyfriends…*

He added actions to his thoughts and jumped out of his tree. He went to the well and, as he jumped in, he disappeared out of the Sengoku Jidai.

Meanwhile, Kagome was studying for a history test. Not something very special…but there was something quite interesting. The test was about the period Inuyasha lived. There were things excavated. Those things looked terribly the same as Sango's Hiraikotsu and Miroku's staff. Also there was a piece of baboon-fur found, like the one from Naraku…The real Naraku. But…there were skeletons found at that place. It freaked her out. What in the world happened there? It certainly were the remains of the final battle against Naraku. If it was a puppet again, the whole baboon stuff would've faded. But why were those skeletons there if they had beaten Naraku…A scary story of betrayal crossed her mind…

Kagome woke up suddenly, when she heard the window open. Inuyasha came in, she saw that, but she just acted like she was still asleep. 

"Kagome! Show me what's so impor…" he started, but then he saw her asleep, next to her book.

*Kawaii…*

"Huh, what's this?" he said as his eyes focussed on the history book, especially at the pictures in it. He gazed at the pictures but couldn't figure the scene. 

"What the…" Inuyasha really wanted to know what happened. The more he looked at the book, the more he got confused. What does this mean?

Kagome had seen (heard) it all. She had to do her best to hold in her laugh. Inuyasha really could make strange faces…

Now Inuyasha wanted to know some answers. He gently tried to wake Kagome, by brushing her face gently with his fingers.

*I'm glad you're not awake now…I can feel the latest sits as if it were just a minute ago…*

Kagome mumbled something like: "Mom…is it…morning…already? Lemme sleeeeeeeep!" and thought she was a very good actress. 

"Kagome! Wake up already!" Inuyasha said, while laying the book on the ground and he gently shook her. Kagome mumbled something again: "Inuyasha? Do you…love…me?"

Inuyasha stiffened. WHAT did she just say?

"But…No! Don't! Stop it! Please…Kikyo…Kikyo…NO!" and with that Kagome opened her eyes in shock. She looked around her, as if she knew nothing about her sleepy talk.

"Eh? WHA! Inuyasha! Don't sneak upon me like that! You scared me to death!"

*You scared ME to death with your screaming! What were you thinking?*

Inuyasha still stood frozen by what she had said before.

"I found something interesting in my history book…HEY! Where has it gone to?"

"I've seen it already! It doesn't make any sense!" he said, while pointing at the history book.

"Ah…There it is! But Inuyasha, you can't read, can you? There's all whole story connected to the pictures!" 

"Tell me, then!" 

"Inuyasha, pay attention, okay? This is important stuff."

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Okay, it says that the giant boomerang is made from the bones of strange creatures, not known to any of the scientists that…"

"Boring…Already knew that!"

"But it's important!"

"I don't see what's important in Sango's Hiraikotsu!"

"It IS important! Why are you here, by the way!" 

"I ehm…got lost and fell into the well…"

*Yeah right! That's a really CHEEP lie!*

"So the Great Inuyasha got lost… and FELL into the well… sure…"

"It's the truth…"

"Alright, just forget it! My history book says a lot of boring stuff, but there is something important. It says there were found skeletons with all the stuff."

"But who's gonna beat Naraku if we all die?"

"That's what I thought. But then I took a look at the NUMBER of skeletons, and…"

"Yeah? If there's something you gotta tell me!"

"My guess is…" Kagome swallowed her words. This wasn't gonna be easy.

*Shit! I know it already, Kagome. You think I'd beat Naraku, but you all die. But I could never let all of you just die! I couldn't!*

"Naraku vanishes if you defeat him, right, because he's a youkai."

Inuyasha just nodded. He still couldn't think of himself letting them die.

"So that means…If I count the skeletons, there are only four skeletons. Only four. Someone didn't die. I think I know who that someone is…but…Why do the rest of us all die?"

"Kagome! I couldn't let you all die! I can't do that! I would protect you and the others just as normal! Just as normal in a battle!"

"But are you in a battle, Inuyasha? Are you in the battle…or do you come too late, when we all are dead?" 

"Look, maybe I'm dead too! Why is it you're so sure I'm the one that lives? Maybe I vanished just like Naraku! After all, I'm half demon! You never saw me die, did you?

"But then your fur should be found, Inuyasha! It doesn't make any sense! I think we should be aware of Naraku's schemes, this is valuable information! We should get profit from it!"

*But wait a minute…What if…Shit!*

"Kagome, are you sure about who dies? Maybe…maybe I got you angry again and I come to get you…and the ones that die are Miroku, Sango, Shippo and…Kaede? If Naraku attacks when I'm at your time…"

"I didn't think about that before! I guess you're not as simple minded as we all think you are!"

Kagome flew at him and smiled.

*What the…Well, she is really cute like this…*

"Eh! But then we should get back to the village as soon as possible! Come on, we don't have time to lose!"

*I thought you had TESTS tomorrow…And what about your friend?*

They ran to the well and jumped in as fast as they could.

~*~

Cliff-hanger! I know how it'll go on… ^.~ You don't have to wait that long, my dear readers… I'll post it very soon! 


	3. Chapter 3

Hi minna! I love you all! Reviews are more than welcome and I really get happy if you do that, okay? First another stupid thing about me: I still don't know how to get three dots, so if the sentences get weird, just imagine three dots in it… If anyone knows how to handle the three-dot problem, please email me or tell me in a review! My email is hapslikweg@dolfijn.nl

Well, let's start the third chapter then!

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 3

Inuyasha and Kagome climbed out of the well, both really concerned about the others. 

"I don't smell Naraku around here, Kagome. I guess you can go home again to study for your tests."

"No, I wanna stay here. I want to do everything I can if Naraku suddenly attacks!" she replied.

"Oi, Kagome. Miroku has tricked us in some stupid game. But…I thought it was more something for…YOU to think of such games. Was it your game, Kagome?"

"Eh? A game? I thought you guys were just…well…DOING something!"

"Oh…Okay…Forget about it."

*Alright…You can't fool me, Kagome.*

"Inuyasha…Can I stay with you for a while?"

"Why's that, all of a sudden?"

*Yeah, first you trick me with some game, and then you want to be with me! What IS the matter with you?!*

"Well, Shippo-chan thinks I'm gone, so…"

"Alright! You think he's annoying too, don't you?" he said with hopefully grinning eyes.

"No! It's not that! It's just…"

"Aha! Confess, Kagome!"

"What should I confess, then?"

*Yeah, Shippo really IS annoying!*

"Confess it, Kagome!" and with that he pushed her against a tree.

"Alright, alright! I'll confess…I have times that I prefer the company of a less hyper person then Shippo…But I think he's cute, not annoying…"

Inuyasha let her go, Kagome still smiling bright.

"By the way, what did you do before you fell asleep, Kagome?"

"Eh? Studying, of course!" 

*Or being with some boyfriend…*

"But, I didn't want to study, because of that paragraph about us, and the one about the others."

"There was a paragraph about us? What did it say?"

"Ai…It's better if you don't know it Inuyasha…"

"But YOU know…Why shouldn't I know!"

"Because you could change history in a wrong way for all of us. Some things might change and that might be fatal in the battle against Naraku! Please don't ask me, Inuyasha…"

"Well, I don't HAVE to know! Feh!"

"Oww… Inuyasha! Don't be like that!"

*No? Shouldn't I be like this? Should I be more like Kouga, more like someone of your own time? You're just making things up, so that you don't have to tell me! Don't try to fool me! I'm not dumb! You just don't wanna tell me!*

"Feh!"

"Alright…I'll tell you…but it isn't pretty, you know…"

"Don't mind!"

"There was some kind of diary found. Written by Sango, from the day that her family was destroyed, to the day Naraku came to the village. In her diary it says…You leave me for Kikyo, you leave to find her, and then Naraku attacks us when we're in the woods, finding you. That was the last thing she wrote in it…because she was dead…" she almost sighed the last words out. Feeling miserable. "Sango-chan…"

"But…But…"

"Are you happy now, Inuyasha? I'll tell you my guess! You are heading for Kikyo, walk into her, and don't notice Naraku's scent. She's got you. Of course it will turn out to be set up by Naraku. He fights us, we all die. Because of something, I don't know whether it will be a scream or just the scent of our blood, but you'll come to find us dead. In your rage you kill Naraku. Then it all makes sense…doesn't it…" Kagome was crying know, she couldn't think of Miroku, Sango and Shippo, all dead, and Naraku that was the cause of all that. It was just too much.

"But that's not me! I would never let you all fight Naraku without me! Never! No Kikyo-army could distract me!"

"That's not true, Inuyasha…Remember when you went looking for Kikyo? I was there earlier then you were and she kept me prisoner. You could hear nor see me. Get what I mean? Such a thing could happen anytime. How can you be sure it doesn't happen when we are in battle?"

"Kagome! Don't say things like that!"

*I would never leave you alone, never, especially not in battle!*

"I have to doubt you, Inuyasha. For my own good."

"But Kagome! Just how literally does it say things like this?"

"Almost every word, Inuyasha. I can't trust you like I did, because this is what's gonna happen. It hasn't got something to do with the person you are. It's just for my own good. I have to be prepared for this. Maybe we could change this particular bit of history but…Maybe it will change for the worst…"

"And what do you mean by that? Change for the worst? How can it change for the worst if I don't get involved with Kikyo?"

"I'd better not tell you, Inuyasha…You'll just say that that could never happen and stuff. This time I'm really not gonna tell…" 

"Kagome…I…Oww, Fuck it all!" and with that he left her standing. 

"Inuyasha! Wait!" she ran after him.

"Go away, Kagome. How can you say such things about me! I would never leave you all to die! Never! I thought you knew me better than anyone, accept for me. I thought you were different. I thought you accepted me for what I was, what I am. I can smell Naraku from a distance that you can't imagine! I'll know he's coming here before Kikyo even is about to come to me!"

"But Inuyasha… What do you think happened, then?"

"I don't know! Really! I don't have any ideas, but I know one thing for sure! This is NOT the way it'll happen! Why do you think I'll be controlled by Kikyo?"

"Because I saw it happen before and…" she began, but Inuyasha didn't let her finish.

"I saw it happen too! I know I won't let it happen again, so what else do you have to say, well?"

"Well, I practically AM Kikyo, only then I'm less beautiful, less smart, less handy in a fight. So why would you stick with me when the real, the BETTER Kikyo appears?"

"But Kikyo is dead, Kagome!"

"Yeah, and that is the main and only reason that keeps you with me! If Kikyo were REALLY alive, I would be trash!"

"Don't say such things, Kagome!"

"Why not? Because it's the truth?"

"No, because it's shit! How have you come to think like this?"

"You, Inuyasha, you make me think like this. You don't make me feel as if I'm worth anything, haven't you even noticed that? You only make me feel as if I'm some Kikyo, only then everything less. Less beautiful, less smart… As I said before…!"

"That's not true, Kagome!"

"Well, you've got a great way of showing it! Geez! I'm out of here!"

"No, Kagome, wait! It still could be that Naraku attacks when I'm getting you to come back again!"

"Then…I guess I HAVE to stay! But the second I can leave, I WILL!"

"Please tell me why you always think like that. Tell me, please…"

"Yeah, as if you would listen. As if you would care!"

"Of course I'll listen to you! I've got mayor ears, haven't I? Why shouldn't I use them?" Inuyasha smiled at her.

*This Kikyo-thing is stuck inside your head. Why can't you forget about her?*

"Really? Are you sure you wanna hear me babbling like that? I can talk for hours, you know!"

"Just tell me what's on your mind, Kagome. I'll listen."

They sat down against a tree. Kagome began to talk about her school and all the other things in her time.

"…But then Hojo-kun always asks me to go to the movies if I wanna go back to you guys. I don't even like him, though he thinks I do and my friends all want to couple me with me."

*You don't even like him…Who is it you like? Who is it…? You asked me if I loved you… when you were asleep. Was that for real? Guess you were just joking. I'm starting to think that you want to trick me into something…*

And so Kagome just talked on…

"…And my grandpa ALWAYS tells the history of EVERYTHING! When we have dinner, he says 'the history of this rice is…' and so on. That really is irritating, you know!"

"If I have dinner I wanna eat…"

"Oww, Inuyasha! Is that all you think about? Probably there's something else on your mind sometimes too. Tell me! I don't even know one daily problem of yours!"

"Well…I never tell anyone actually about anything. I don't know how to talk about these things."

"Really? You gotta be kidding me!"

"I'm not! You just told me the most of your problems, but I really can't! Besides, you told me everything about your home. I don't have an actual home and you already know about the village."

*How can you just tell your feelings to everyone. There are things you rather keep a secret!*

"Just tell me your last thought!" 

"How can you just tell your feelings to everyone. There are things you rather keep a secret!"

"Okay…We're getting somewhere!"

And so they sat there. Talking about thoughts… -_-'

*You're sweet, Kagome. Maybe I'll forget about Kikyo. I wanna be with you forever.*

"Inuyasha! Were have you been with you're head. You stared so dreamily up in the sky! Tell me what you were thinking!"

Inuyasha's cheeks coloured brightly red…

"I thought…the weather was really nice today!"

"But…I thought you were gonna tell me your thoughts…" Kagome tried to sob a little, she knew Inuyasha hated that.

*Hell, no! I'll be dead…*

"Please, Inuyasha?" Kagome looked at him with cute, big eyes.

"Kagome! Don't look at me like that!"

"Why not…Tell me your thought, Inuyasha!"

"I already told you I like the weather!"

*…But not as much as I like you…*

"Please…Oww well, never mind."

Kagome looked dreamily up at the sky. The sun was starting to set. 

"What are you thinking, Kagome?"

"That the sun is very romantic when it sets…"

"I think it's beautiful."

*Just as beautiful as you are…*

"And know I wanna know what you were thinking!"

"That the sunset is…" Inuyasha started, but he didn't finish his sentence. 

"Yeah, continue…"

"Never mind."

"Oww, come on, Inuyasha, it can't be that hard!"

"But it's private and I don't wanna tell anyone about it!"

"I did, didn't I? It makes you feel good afterwards…"

"Yeah, right! What if I don't want to feel good!"

*As if I would feel better if you knew the things I don't want you to know!*

"Would you tell me your last thought now, then…?

"Alright, alright! 'As if I would feel better if you knew the things I don't want you to know!' That's what I thought, OKAY?"

"You never tell me anything like that!" and with that she leaned down on his shoulder. 

*You are really kawaii. But I better be careful with my thoughts…-_-'*

"Kagome?"

"Snore…"

"Feh! Silly girl…"

"Inuyasha…I'm not sleeping…"

"Shit."

"Neither was I sleeping at my house…"

"NANI?!"

"I was trying to let you confess something private that I shouldn't know of…"

"Oh, gods! You wench!"

"Gomene Inuyasha…It was fun though…" she said, giggling. 

"What's so funny? You should be punished, Miss Shikon-no-Tama-Kagome!"

"AH! NO! Don't tickle me Inuyasha!" I'm gonna 'S' you!"

"You won't if I'm above you…unless you wanna get squashed of course…"

"AH! Inuyasha! Please stop!"

"Beg me…"

"Ah, so you wanna be begged! Forget it! I'm not gonna…WHA!"

"All you have to do is beg me to stop…"

"Oww…WHA! Okay, I beg you, Inuyasha the Great, Almighty hanyou that will not share his thoughts!"

"Alright! That's more like it…"

Inuyasha's grip loosened, which wasn't a good idea… Kagome got on top of him…

"I'm gonna let YOU beg now, mister!"

"Don't even try…I'm not ticklish…"

"Yeah, right! Why would you tell me that if you weren't, Inuyasha?"

"AH! Kagome!"

"You asked for it! Now beg me!"

"I'm not gonna beg to a lowly human!"

"Well, this so-called lowly human IS letting you suffer, you know…"

"Feh! Yeah, right…WHAA!"

"Beg me…"

"Alright! I beg you, okay?"

"I suffer with you, Inuyasha…" she said quite 'Old Fashion Theater'-style and with that she freed him.

"Feh…"

"Watch it, I've got another weapon, you know…"

(AN: Pretty stupid, ne? I'm not good at this I think…This too, I shouldn't bother you nice readers with stupid author's notes… -_-')

"Inuyasha, " Kagome leaned against him, "You make a great pillow…"

"Yeah, and the sun has almost completely set by now…"

"It's so beautiful, Inuyasha…"

"Tomorrow we can watch it again…"

"I think I now understand your tree-sleeping-habit. This is so beautiful to fall asleep with…"

"You… you are beautiful too…"

"Eh?"

"I said you are beautiful too."

"But…"

"Shh…"

  
"Oww, Inuyasha…

And so they sat there, but they didn't know someone was watching them. Someone who looked like a priest or something…MIROKU!!!

He smiled from behind a tree. "Like I thought, you can't be without her…"

~*~

Okay, this chapter was a bit long, but I couldn't cut it of in the middle. That's the problem with me making nice chapters… I'm not good at it! But please review and really do, 'cause I want to give you readers a nice story! And I think the next chapter or the chapter after it will be a songfic, so if it takes a while to post it, you know why! Well, see y'all laterz and keep on writing if you do, because I like to read to! 


	4. Chapter 4

Hello! I had some time so I made the fourth chapter right away. This is a long chapter, but there just happens a lot. As normal I couldn't cut it of. Too bad for you guys. Well, anyhow, this chapter has become a songfic chapter with 2.5 songs in it. Wanna know why .5? Well, only the chorus and the last lines fitted in, so that explains a lot, ne? Well, enjoy. The autor's notes tells you the name and band or artist who wrote the song. I hope that doesn't irritate you, but if it does you have to tell me, and I'll do something about it! 

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 4

As the sun rose Inuyasha got up. He gently laid Kagome resting against the tree and went of to the river nearby…

"Eh? Where's Inuyasha?" Kagome stood up to go looking for him. She searched in the branches of nearby trees, but didn't find him. She just decided to take a bath in the river when she spotted Inuyasha. He came walking out of the direction of the river. Kagome noticed that his hear was wet. Nani desu-ka? Inuyasha couldn't be bathing, could he?

"What is it, Kagome?"

"Ehm…I'm gonna take a bath! And DON'T peak!"

"Feh! Who do you think I am? Miroku?"

*I'm not picking up habits…*

Kagome walked to the river, suspiciously looking over her shoulder to see if Inuyasha wasn't following her. We sure don't want that, do we…?

*What does she think I am? Bathing is nice, by the way… ^_^*

Kagome was swimming in the river. The water was icy-cold, but she didn't mind. Her hair was so sticky! She looked around again, to see if Inuyasha wasn't peaking. When she saw no sign of him she got out and dressed. When she walked back she saw Inuyasha staring into the depth of the forest, his back against the same tree she had left him. 

*Peaking really is something for that lechery Miroku…*

"Inuyasha… You weren't peaking, right?"

"Of course not! I'm no lecher!"

"Not even the temptation too?"

"I can handle temptation."

*Of course I can…*

"You know, I've been thinking stuff over…"

"You and… THINKING something over?!" she teased him.

"Yeah, for once I have…" he made some weird face, "I thought about the skeletons in that book of yours. Maybe those are from another time, another time age. People for who the story was a myth and dressed up like them, like Sango and Miroku, or something. In your time they do that, right?"

"Yeah, but still…I think it has to do with the real us… I don't wanna talk about it now, okay?"

"Alright. We'll see what happens." 

"Oh, and ehm, Inuyasha? I didn't know you actually take baths…"

"I don't…"

"Why were you coming from the river then?"

"I was thinking."

*Baths really are nice…*

"Okay, what are we gonna do today? Go back to the village, I guess, huh?"

"We had a game going, right?"

"What game?"

*The game you told Miroku, stupid…*

"The game of being separated from your lover or something stupid like that! I'm not going to the village, they might think I missed Kaede or something…"

Kagome giggled. "Why did you go to me then?"

"I didn't! Remember, I got lost and fell in the well!"

She smiled at him, at his stupid lie.

"Come on, Inuyasha. You're not someone to get lost!" Kagome elbowed him. "Why did you come, really?"

"…Miroku and the others were annoying me, with that stupid game of theirs…"

*…Game of yours…*

"Hmmm…But okay, what shall we do today if they think I'm still studying and stuff?"

"Dunno…You'll figure something…"

"Okay! Let's play…Hide and seek!"

*WHAT did she say?*

"Please, Inuyasha? It's a bit childish, but it's fun!"

"Kagome, I never played hide and seek before."

"Why not?"

"Being a hanyou in a place full of humans, they feared me, disgusted me. They wouldn't let me play."

"Are you serious? What kind of jerks are that!" she said angrily. 

"You should be afraid to, actually. I could rip you apart before you even try to say 'S'."

(AN: Here starts the song For Sure, Krezip, a Dutch rockband, made it.)

"Yeah, of course you can, but you won't! So if that's all…"

__

I know, it's impossible to think of, to think of all the pain that you are in

"How do you know I won't? You might not know what I am, what I feel on the inside. Hanyou aren't that reliable, you know."

"And what is that for an argument? Are you having that attitude with everything?"

"That's what they always said about me…Always, when I was a kid."

Kagome folded her arms around him. 

__

I'll try, to be there for the better to just be there for the worse

"Why didn't you rip them apart then, if they talked about you like that, I would be in a mood that if I had claws like you, they wouldn't be safe!"

"I couldn't. That isn't me. My mother still always thought they would accept me after a while. They didn't of course. She herself was rejected too…"

__

I know for sure that you'll laugh again, someday

I know for sure, she's looking at you know, and she says, look what you got left

Look what you got left

"I know you aren't like that Inuyasha…When we first met, you didn't fight me for REAL, did you? You were much stronger. You aren't some bad guy, or else I wouldn't be sitting here!"

__

I could try to tell you that time will heal it all

"Just pretending to be one, right…"

"You really are cute you know, sometimes." She scratched him behind his ears.

__

It probably will be soothing but it won't get it out

"I hate it when you do that..."

"No you don't…You really like it, don't you…"

*EH?*

"How'd you know that?"

"Woman's intuition…I can see it from your face too."

"Really? I thought I grew over that."

__

Look what you got left

"How can you grow over a thing as showing emotions on your face?"

__

Look what you got left

"I just…It was a negative thing to do, your enemy shouldn't know how you feel!"

"I'm not your enemy, Inuyasha. Besides, I can tell how you feel sometimes."

__

And there's enough to go on

(AN: The end of the song)

"Really?"

"What's wrong? You don't like it when others know how you feel, right?"

"I'm not used to share my feelings."

"Did you never tell anyone, not even a friend?"

"I didn't have friends."

*Do I have friends now, actually?*

"Now you've got friends, ne? But you still don't tell anyone!"

"I'm not used to it."

"You can get used to it."

"You'll only laugh at me, I'm not in to something like that."

"No I won't, I'd never laugh at you! Except when you fall out of your tree, of course…"

"See? You'll laugh at me…"

"Oww, come ON! You laugh at me too!"

"I don't!"

"Not loudly, maybe, but on the inside…"

"Mmm… Maybe…"

"See? Told you…"

"Alright, you've got a point here…"

*I don't want you to laugh at me. I'm different from you… Way different…"

"You wanna be laughed at, Kagome."

"Of course not. Did you really think that?!"

"Well, it almost seems as if you don't care!"

"ALMOST, yeah. It hurts me to, you know!"

"Alright! I'm definitely not good at telling feelings. Not from me neither from someone else!" 

"Okay, Inuyasha! What am I thinking RIGHT now!" 

"No idea." 

"Oww, I know you can guess, Inuyasha!" 

"I'm not good at this, Kagome." 

"You don't have to be good at it." 

"I can't guess your thoughts, Kagome. Never will, too." 

*This is pathetic*

"I know what you're thinking." 

" Yeah, right." 

"You think this is rather pathetic, ne?" 

"Eh?" 

"I'm right, am I not?" 

"Feh…"

"I think you can guess my thoughts too, Inuyasha. With a little practice." 

"Really?"

"You must understand how I think."

"I don't think I'll EVER understand THAT…" 

"Oww, come on, I'm serious. You're being stubborn!"

"I'm not! I just think it's rather stupid, because…"

"…YOU couldn't do it without practice…" 

" Geez! This is getting real dumb!" 

"Alright…But I still now what you're thinking…"

*Stupid wench*

"…Stupid wench…"

"Alright! I'm convinced. How do you DO that?"

"I guess with you it's quite simple, you think a certain way. You're being predictive. Also you can see from your face." 

"You're not predictive I guess. I'll never know what you actually think." 

"I'm predictive too. But you really have to know the way I think, else you won't understand."

"And how do I know that?"

"We can do some sort of game. I do it with my friends a lot, it's quite fun, but also very confronting."

*This is weird…*

"Okay. You say a word in the beginning. Then I say the word that comes right in my head when you say that word. Then you say the last word I said, and so on."

"Get it. But which word should I start with?"

"That's your choice."

"Ehm…Shikon no Tama…"

"The search for shards."

"Shards…"

"Very important."

"Important…"

"Friendship and love."

"Love…"

"…Inuyasha."

"…"

"Go on."

"Inuyasha…"

"Cute."

"Cute…am I cute?"

"I think so, yeah. But this is how it works. I'll try it on you now."

"Okay."

*I am SO gonna say something stupid. Really, I know it already!*

"Alright, I'll start the same way you did. Shikon no Tama…"

"Becoming a full youkai."

"Youkai…"

"Danger."

"Danger…"

"Protecting Kagome."

"Kagome…"

"Kikyo."

"…" Kagome swallowed, "Kikyo…"

"The past."

"Past…"

"Unbearable."

"Unbearable…"

"Losing Kagome."

"Okay. That's it."

"Why's that?"

"Because we've had me already."

"O, yeah, that's right."

*REALLY! That is the stupidest thing that you can say to Kagome! Comparing her to Kikyo. As if she is her. But it really was the first thing I thought of…I'm in trouble…*

(AN: Another song: Avril Lavigne's song Tomorrow)

"Oi, Kagome?" he said when he saw her turning away from him, "What is it, Kagome?"

"Kikyo…I knew it."

__

And I wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be okay

"Kikyo is the past."

__

Yeah I try to believe you

"But I'm Kikyo. That doesn't mean I'm the past too, does it?"

__

But I don't

"You aren't Kikyo!"

__

When you say that it's gonna be, it always turns out to be a different way

Yeah I try to believe you- not today, today, today

"No, I'm ONLY her reincarnation!"

"You are the beautiful Kagome from the future, definitely not Kikyo."

__

I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, tomorrow

And I don't know what to say, tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow is a different day

"Leave the beautiful…"

"The lovely Kagome then…"

"Or the stupid wench, Kagome…"

"OR the sweet, caring, thoughtful Kagome!"

"My ass! You're just saying that because you won't let me go home!"

"Your ass is beautiful…"

"Why won't you let me go home, Inuyasha?"

"I need you…"

"…To get the shards. I already knew that, Inuyasha. I'm going to Kaede's!"

*…because I love you…*

__

It's always been up to you, it's turning around, it's up to me

I'm gonna do what I have to do

Just don't

"Kagome, wait! Inuyasha grabbed her wrist before she could run further, "Why go to Kaede's?"

__

Give me a little time, leave me alone a little while

Maybe it's not to late

Not today

"BECAUSE I wanna go THERE! Let me go of me, Inuyasha. I'll…I'll 'S' you!"

"I'll take you with me to the ground, ya know!"

"ARGH! You selfish, stupid HANYOU!"

"Ah," he let her go, "So THAT'S the point here, really. You're good at lying, Kagome. Letting me believe you take me for what I am."

"Oh, so now I've done it!"

"I'm just a hanyou. That's me, alright! And if you don't like it, drown in that stupid well of yours, okay!"

"Inuyasha…"

"Inuyasha, this…Inuyasha, that! Inuyasha, you said Kikyo to my name, now I'm mad and going home! What do you think I am? Kikyo was worthier holding the Shikon! Get home and please don't get near to the well ever!" Inuyasha said, and with his anger he left to the forest.

*Stupid wench! She doesn't deserve to be the reincarnation of Kikyo! Kikyo was a real miko, who would give her life to protect it. Kikyo took me as a hanyou! She doesn't have the right to feel miserable about being Kikyo's reincarnation! She should be honoured! SHE really took me as a hanyou…Or did she…She was the one that told me to get human with the shikon. Kagome never asked me to get human…But still, Kikyo never told me that I was a stupid, selfish hanyou…*

__

If you're trying to turn me into something else, it's easy to see I'm not down with that

'Cause I'm nobody's fool

And if you're trying to turn me into something else, I've seen it enough and I'm over that

'Cause I'm nobody's fool

If you wanna bring me down, go ahead and try! Go ahead and try!

(AN: The last part of Avril's song Nobody's Fool fitted in perfectly so I placed it in)

"Inuyasha!!!" Kagome fell down to her knees. She had done it now…"Inu…Yasha…

__

Go ahead and try, try to look me in the eye, but you'll never see inside, until you realise

Things are trying to settle down, just trying to figure out

Exactly what I'm about, if it's with or without you, I don't need your doubt in me! 

~*~

Well that was the fourth chapter. Tell me what you thought about the songs and pleazzz review! 'Cause you all know I live on those small texts… ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

Yeah! Fifth chapter posted! I really wanna know what you think of it 'till now, 'cause I've had no reviews on the previous chapter… Well, guess I posted on the wrong time! Anyway, here's the fifth chapter, no songfic, just a chapter! 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 5

Meanwhile Naraku had watched the scenes in Kanna's mirror. He kukuku'd and planned an attack as he saw Kikyo approaching Inuyasha…

~*~

Inuyasha and Kagome were definitely apart now. Inuyasha thought Kagome should come apologise and Kagome thought she was the stupidest on the whole earth, so she didn't come. Naraku saw his chance. He abused Kikyo's feelings for Inuyasha and went through the forest to get to the village.

~*~

Inuyasha caught Kikyo's smell.

"Kikyo…You're here?"

*Wait! Freeze! This can mean that Naraku is attacking the others now. You have to go now, Inuyasha. If you want the others to live…Sorry Kikyo, I've got more important things to do right now…*

He ran off to go look for Kagome. While getting closer to the village, he caught the smell of Naraku.

*I knew it! He's trying to destroy us all!*

Then he found Kagome, crying, with her back against a tree. 

"Inu…Yasha? You came for me?" She brightened her face and smiled. 

"We've got no time to lose! We gotta be quick if we wanna change history!"

Kagome got on his back and they flew to the village as quick as possible. 

Sango, Shippo and Miroku were looking for Kagome as they ran into Naraku. They were already fighting him, but in bad conditions. Shippo was tossed away and landed on a pile of leaves. 

"TESSAIGA!"

Inuyasha had come just in time. He started the fight with Naraku. Kagome was searching for a bow and some arrows.

"Common…There's gotta be a bow around here!" she searched everywhere and finally found one in a hut, some arrows got with it. She prepared to shoot Naraku. 

"Kukuku! Inuyasha, is this all you can do? I thought you might be some match, if Kikyo didn't get you to hell, actually…"

*He knows about the Wound of the Wind. He's avoiding the youki to collide. But he shouldn't be able to see them in the first place!*

"What's wrong, Inuyasha? Given up already?"

"I'll never give up, and I'll beat you, you fucking bastard! I don't care if it's the last thing I'll do!"

Kagome waited for Inuyasha to attack Naraku once again and then shot her arrow. Yes… SHIT! IT MISSED!

"Don't bother me with those arrows, please. Kukuku, can't you see I'm busy, bitch!"

*This isn't working! We have to figure something. Guess my thoughts one more time, okay…I want to do it like this…*

He looked into her eyes deeply and tried to tell her his plan. She nodded understanding.

*Attack him when he fires his final attack on me…*

"Inuyasha. You have played long enough. Your time to die is NOW!"

Naraku was attacking, over and over again, but Kagome couldn't find the right time to fire without hitting Inuyasha too. 

*Common, Kagome! Fire an arrow already!*

Then came the moment Inuyasha got badly injured. He was standing up with his last strength, his shirt all ragged and bloody.

"Let's put an end on this!" Naraku came right at him, not noticing anything but him. He was about to kill him! Kagome had to act fast, or Inuyasha would certainly die.

"DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome fired her arrow, when Naraku noticed it he couldn't evade anymore. He got hit right at the place where his hart would be, if he had one. It pierced right through him, pink light all around it. He just froze in the air, became some sort of purple spot…and then the light just flew everywhere. 

"ALRIGHT!" Shippo, Sango and Miroku cheered, still at the scene. 

…And Naraku was gone. Vanished. Only his baboon fur remained…

~*~

The pages in Kagome's history book became blank white, and then showed all different pictures, in another order, with another layout. They had managed to change the past…

~*~

"Inuyasha!" Kagome made a run at him, he was barely conscious.

"Inuyasha…Are you alright?"

"Kagome…Is he dead? That bastard, is he dead?"

"He's dead, vanished. How are you?"

"I'm dying too…"

"You're not dying on me now, Inuyasha! You gotta stay alive, you don't want Naraku to get you eventually, do you?!"

*I'm really dying…So this is how it feels to be almost dead. You guys got to leave me here, I don't think I will heal, the wounds are too big and too many…I'll die, Naraku will get me eventually…I don't want to die…but I can't live if I stay like this…*

Meanwhile, Sango, Shippo and Miroku gathered the shards that Naraku had left behind.

"Kagome-sama, where do you have your shards?" Miroku asked her.

"In my backpack. I'll go get them. "

After just a couple of seconds she returned.

"Here they are. Give me Naraku's shard, please."

"There you go. Then I guess my shards should be retrieved too. Not that I'll need them anymore, my Kazana is gone."

"Will it be complete then, Kagome?"

*I think it will be…use it for the right purpose…*

But when Miroku gave his shards to the others, the Tama didn't re-form again, it stayed broken.

"But…this means there have to be some shards left…Who has them? We need them!" Kagome said, desperately.

"Kik…yo…Maybe…she has some shards…" Inuyasha said.

"KIKYO?!!!" they all screamed, astonished of this fact. 

"But I thought she handed all the shards she had to Naraku…" Kagome said, "Maybe she has found some other shards by now…"

"Let's look out for Kikyo!" Miroku suggested.

"I'll stay here with Inuyasha. Sango, I think it is best if you go with Miroku, since he hasn't got his Kazana, he might get attacked."

"I'll go with you!" Shippo yelled.

They went of to the forest, since that was the way Kikyo would probably go.

"Inuyasha…We'll get you better, I promise…"

"Kagome…You shouldn't use the Tama for such a thing…"

"Of course I should. You are very important to me, and the Tama will be destroyed, so that it will never lead to greediness again…"

"That's not relevant, Kagome. Use it for the extermination of all dangerous youkai…"

"But…but maybe you'll die to then! I don't want you to die…"

""Maybe I won't die, I'm half human. But nevertheless I'm almost dead already…So don't mind me."

"He's right!" said an awful familiar voice to them, "Let him die, so he can be with me!"

It was Kikyo.

~*~

Cliff-hanger or what! The next chapter will be posted soon, since I've got plenty of time to make it a nice chapter because I've got 2 weeks of holiday! I'll make it a songfic I guess… Oh, and I wanted this to be an angsty, fast fic… That's not working, I always have to make long stories out of an idea… Imagine that I'm a lot further with the story at my computer… It's 40 pages in word at Arial point 10. That isn't quite angsty, ne? The point is I don't know how to get it further 'cause there are too much possibilities! When the chapters are there I'll ask you readers what to do I guess…


	6. Chapter 6

I thought I'd make the sixth chapter right away! I felt like it, so here it is! I made another songfic outta this! 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 6

"Kikyo…" they both whispered.

*Kikyo…What're you doing here…*

"Come with me, Inuyasha. This is your fate. This is how it should be!" She came forward to him, pushing Kagome aside.

"K…Kikyo?" Inuyasha couldn't move because of his bad shape.

(AN: I bet he would've run far away if he could…Gosh, do I hate Kikyo…XD)

*Kikyo…What are you planning? I…I guess it's better if I go with you, so that Kagome would use the Tama for a better purpose…*

"Come with me…Inuyasha."

The sky turned purple-black and around them came that purple light again. 

"Please, no! Don't let her take you to hell with her! It's just like before! Inuyasha! INUYASHA!"

"We'll be together forever now, Inuyasha." 

"Kikyo! Stop it! Let Inuyasha go! He's not ready to die, he never will be!" Kagome was getting desperate. This wasn't working.

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!"

He had lost consciousness.

*Kagome…You have to break her concentration with an arrow…*

Suddenly Kagome thought of something. Kikyo must be in deep concentration. Break her concentration. Save Inuyasha. She grabbed her bow and an arrow. Her arrow nearly hit Kikyo. All right!

…But Kikyo didn't twitch. The plan had failed. It failed. Kagome saw them sinking deeper into the earth. While seeing that scene she made a quick decision.

"I'll save you for once…" Kagome wandered and sprinted at them. She quickly grabbed Inuyasha's hand, trying to force him out of Kikyo's spell. There was great resistance. She couldn't pull him out! She just didn't have the strength. If only Inuyasha would help a little! As by magic, he opened his eyes as he felt Kagome pulling his hand almost out of his arm. 

"Inuyasha…This is what's meant of your life all the time. Life hasn't got any value…"

*Kagome…*

He saw her desperately pulling and gathered his strength. He came to realisation and pushed of from Kikyo. They fell on the ground.

First there was nothing. No sound, not anything. Then Kikyo again.

"Inu…yasha…What is this! We should be together. JUST US!"

"Not like this, Kikyo. The time that we should be together… Naraku shattered it. I don't know if we are meant to be together right now." 

*Well…This is gonna be hard…*

"Kikyo…Hand over your shards. You don't have any use with it…"

"Inuyasha, what are you planning to do with it. Do you realise the Tama is my whole life?"

"Well, Kikyo…I didn't want to go this far but…If you don't want to be sliced by me…Give up your shards…"

*I don't know how long I will be able to stand like this…I'm weakening…Dying is the better word…*

"Inuyasha…After all we've been through…You want to…want to KILL me?"

"You tried to kill him at least twice, Kikyo! That's no excuse!"

*But will I be able to kill Kikyo…Will I…*

Kagome saw the scared look in his eyes and understood. She grabbed her bow again.

"Hand over the shards, Kikyo…" she said, while picking up an arrow.

They didn't notice before, but Kikyo was getting transparent.

"Inuyasha…Inuyasha…You wanted to become human for me…Inuyasha…"

(AN: Here I'll use the song Stand Alone of Iced Earth, another rockband…)

"I know Kikyo. I was possessed by you!"

__

Listen not to ones who preach

Those who feel you are a freak

Everything about you is wrong

You must be sick, you don't belong

"I'm fading Inuyasha…INUYASHAAA!!!"

That last scream did the trick. It hit Inuyasha right in his heart. No matter what she did to him, or to Kagome, he felt this weakness for her. He felt that guilty feeling in his heart, about her dying because of him. He started to breathe heavily.

__

Father said, don't worry about what they say

"You! Kikyo! Why are you abusing my feelings 'till the last second! WHY?"

"I'm not abusing your feelings. You're the one that produces them, Inuyasha."

"And what is that supposed to mean, Kikyo?"

"The whole idea of you getting human… It came from you. All the misery came from your idea. Remember? I never told you to get human, did I? That's why you feel so guilty. It isn't about me, but about yourself. You've got yourself to blame. It's about you."

__

Use your mind, your own free will

"Kikyo…No…Shit…KIKYO!"

"Inuyasha, please don't let her fool you!"

"But…She is right. She hit the point that it's all about…ME!"

__

In a time when everyone follows

Ignorance can kill

"She's not right, Inuyasha. Why did you want to get human? Because of her. Why did Naraku attack her in your form? Because he wanted her. HER! And eventually she just died because of herself. She was the one why Naraku attacked her. That had nothing to do with you. The whole thing started because of her!"

"Kagome…Kikyo…What is going on here! REALLY!"

__

They only say what they want you to hear

Half-truths have been twisted to conceal your fate

In a world of spoon-fed emotion

Intelligence can save

"Inuyasha…I'm fading…You did this to me…You rejected me…You even said you'd kill me… That's why I'm fading…"

__

Stand Alone

"K…Kikyo!"

"She's blaming everything she can on you! She has herself to blame. Naraku's left his schemes wandering around! Don't let her get you to die!"

__

Hear what I say

"Kikyo…I feel so sorry…" he fell down on his knees, "Kikyo…SHIT!"

__

Stand Alone

*But why do I feel so sorry…She's dying because of me…or is she…*

"Come with me, Inuyasha…You owe me that last joy."

__

You'll seize the day

"Inuyasha! She owes you to live! She's the one who sealed you to that tree for fifty years!"

"Kikyo…I made my decision…"

__

Son, say what you mean, don't be afraid

"Come with me, Inuyasha."

__

Tell them how you feel, hear what I say

"Kikyo…"

__

Be true to yourself and true to your own

Kagome had tears in her eyes. After all she did to convince him, he had to go with Kikyo. This was it. The end. Going to hell together…Romantic…She was collapsing, but steadied against a tree. She had to see him 'till the last second he lived. 

__

Your spirit will crush the hearts of stone

*Sorry…I made my decision…Goodbye…*

__

Stand Alone

Hear what I say

Stand Alone

It's a leap of faith

~*~

WOW! Did the song fit or what! Much better then the previous songfic! Well, I want to hear your reactions so be sure to review! Ow and don't bother me with my spelling in the reviews. I hate that! Just tell how you feel about my story and leave the spelling to my spellchecker in word! That was it for the moment, I love you all! 


	7. Chapter 7

I'll say it in the beginning, the next chapter is again a songfic, but the song is from out Kikyo's thoughts. Else you will understand the fic wrong… And that's not what I want! *Sticks out her tong* I AM THE ONE THAT MAKES THE DECISIONS! HAHAHA! Oops… Let's erase that part, 'cause I need you to tell me how to go on in the future… I'll tell you again, the reason I begun posting in chapters is because I've got too many ways to go further on with the story. Well anyway, here's the seventh chapter… XD O yeah, the title will make sense one day… But not now!

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 7

(AN: Here's the last piece of the previous chapter 'cause that makes it dramatically… and I'll start the lyric of My Own Saviour of Iced Earth right here… I love their lyrics!) 

"Kikyo…" Inuyasha whispered.

__

My only comfort is in death

My only solace, my dying breath

For release I have prayed

Thrown past life, not afraid

Kagome had tears in her eyes. After all she did to convince him, he had to go with Kikyo. This was it. The end. Going to hell together…Romantic…She was collapsing, but steadied against a tree. She had to see him 'till the last second he lived. 

__

Life's a bitch, life's a whore

Nothing less and nothing more

*Sorry…I made my decision…Goodbye…*

__

There is nothing it would do for me

I'll end this suffering

He clinched his fist around Tessaiga.

*Goodbye…Kikyo…*

"I'm not coming with you, Kikyo…"

"Eh?" Kagome blinked. Did she hear it right? Probably not. Just some stupid illusion made up by her anger, her sadness and her rage.

"Inuyasha…You!" Kikyo was becoming one glowing purple shadow. Full of rage she looked at him.

__

Existence of one man

Hatred with no end

My madness, my sadness

I am my own saviour

"Like I said Kikyo…I made my decision."

*The real reason why, I know it know Kikyo…*

"Kikyo…The real reason why I wanted to become human…It all makes sense now. You don't make me feel happy or comfortable. It was guilt. Guilt, like you said, but in a different way. You only make me feel guilty. Guilt about you guarding the Tama, about you suffering from that. You were lonely just like I was. But you actually only needed me to free you from your sufferings. Maybe you actually loved me…But I don't feel the same way then. Goodbye Kikyo!"

__

The voices are calling

Out of this life, I am falling

There is one choice that I see

In raging flames, the dark one awaits

"Inuyasha…COME WITH ME NOW!"

"Inuyasha? Oww, Inuyasha! You scared me to death!" Kagome was so happy. He'll stay…HE'LL STAY!

"Kikyo…Please give me your shards, your soul might rest in peace then…"

"I don't have any shards, Inuyasha…Naraku had my shards…"

"Kikyo…Please rest in peace, okay?"

"Inuyasha… INUYASHA! You expect me to rest in peace after this? I'll always be mad at you, I'll always try to revive once again, to let you suffer like I did! You should've come with me, Inuyasha… You should have! But now it's too late, my soul will hate you forever. Forever! Inuyasha!" and…with that she was gone…vanished in the depths of the sky. 

__

Existence of one man

Hatred with no end

My madness, my sadness

I am my own saviour

*Kikyo…Please rest in peace. I really want you to…*

"Inuyasha! I'm so happy!" Kagome hugged him…A bit too enthusiastic…

"AUCH!" Inuyasha collapsed…

"Oops…Gomene! You're badly injured from the battle with Naraku! Oww…Bandage-box… Bandage-box…A, there it is…" Kagome finally got the box out of her backpack.

"Don't…Need…It!"

"I know you don't need it Inuyasha. I just wanna do something for you, and maybe you will heal faster!" Kagome scratched him behind his ear.

"Ah! Don't do that!"

"I'll bandage you, you stubborn!"

"But I look so weak in these things, as if I was defeated by that Naraku!"

*Yeah, he'll never defeat me!*

"You were ALMOST defeated, but you never look weak to me, Inuyasha."

"I certainly never AM weak!"

"Sit still, Inuyasha!"

~BAF~

"Oops, Inuyasha…I didn't mean to…"

"Grrrrrrrrrr…"

"Please let me bandage you…"

"Do you have a new hobby or something?"

"Pretty please?"

"AUCH! …Oww…SHIT!"

Kagome had taken the 'auch' for granted and already started to bandage him… ^_^

(AN: Alright, silly…But I had to think of something funny in this fic, else it will get too heavy-loaded with emotions and stuff, I'm like that myself too, I always cry at such things… and I don't want my readers to get sad ^.^)

"Kagome! I said I don't need it!"

"You DO need it! Look at these wounds…They're huge, you know!"

"Can handle worse…Feh!"

*I can handle worse, yeah. The only thing I can't handle is a certain girl that recalls the name 'Kagome'…*

"You can? Oww well…Still I wanna do something for you…"

And so Inuyasha just sat there…Unable to do something… 

(AN: Didn't think that'd ever happen without a SIT… -_-')

"Oi, Kagome, finished YET?"

"Almost done, Inu-chan!"

"Don't call me names, Kagome."

*Inu-chan…Don't recall on that…*

"I'm not calling you names…Oww well, it was worth a try…"

"Done?"

"Yeah, I'm done, Inuya…Inu-chan…"

"So that means I can stand up ag-…ARGH!" he said, well, tried to, but he was forced back to the ground in a mysterious way…

"Of course not! You can't walk with bandages like that…Besides…I bandaged you to that tree…"

"WHAT? Let me of!"

"Alright, alright…It was fun though…thihi…"

*Kagome…you wench…I love you…*

"We should be trying to get those shards together, shouldn't we?" she said, while untying him. 

"I guess…"

"Hey, Inuyasha, Kagome-chan!" Sango said. She was on the back of Kirara, with Miroku.

(AN: I'm not going in further details about the actions of Miroku… Though he's got some red handprints on his face…)

"What happened to you guys…" Kagome asked, looking at their guilty faces, "You didn't pass Kikyo, right?"

Suddenly a balloon came drifting by…It spoke… o-0 ???

"We did, but we thought it was fun to see what'd happen…"

~BAF~

"AUCH! Kagome…"

To Shippo's surprise Kagome didn't sit Inuyasha. She usually did that when Inuyasha hit him. Was it something he said…?

"You guys saw Kikyo and didn't do anything?"

"Well, the point actually is that we didn't now how to stop her. I mean, if she really wanted to get to Inuyasha, she'd get there too. Besides, how can you stop something like Kikyo? And, I must commit, we were curious about what was to happen. But we'd get in if things were getting critical…They didn't, so…"

"Happy thanks guys! I can REALLY rely on you…" said a very grumpy Inuyasha.

"Oww, Inuyasha, it worked out fine, didn't it?" Miroku said.

"FINE? Is this what you call FINE? I wanna see the BAD thing then! Come in when things would get critical…If this wasn't critical, I wouldn't now WHAT is!"

"Cheer up, Inuyasha. We are about to complete the Tama. But I still think there are some missing…O! SHIT!"

"What is it, Kagome? By the way, were did you learn to talk like that…" Inuyasha said.

"Now where do you think those words came from…~SWEATDROP~…But, ehm…it's about Kouga's shards. We'll need 'em…but…"

~*~

… But Kagome is hesitating! What will they do? Will Inuyasha get mad at her? Of course! ^. ~ What a stupid announcement that this chapter is done… Next time I'll do it the better way! Anyhow, this was another chapter! Maybe I'll post another one even today… If I feel like it that is! I could let you all die of curiosity… But I want really want to know what you think of it so I guess I'll post it as soon as possible! And again, I love you all! I don't know why I started saying that in chapter 5 (or was it chapter 6???) but I guess you'll have to think I really DO love you guys so that you're gonna review me… WHAHA Where is this going… I've got too much time, so I'm writing some blablabla-thing. Just to keep you busy! Well, no more nonsense. The next chapter is gonna be cool I think. I've got the story, you don't know how it's gonna end, and I do… Well I know a bit… I haven't finished it yet! Actually I don't how it's gonna end… so I'll post very quick! Bye! REVIEW! And really do! 


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everyone! I've caught the fanfic-virus so here's the next chapter already! It's not much what I do to make a chapter, 'cause the story's already there, but still. Sometimes I make changes 'cause it's better then! Enjoy the 8th chapter! Oww, and I still got the three dot problem… Does anyone know how to get three dots instead of one? If you make spaces between the dots, will it get better. . . ß That is with spaces, are there now three dots? I'll check if it's on fanfiction.net Tell me if you know the answer!

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting (and it still doesn't make sense)

__

Chapter 8

*You don't want him to die. There we go again. I sacrificed Kikyo for you…But you still hang on to Kouga…You wench…You bitch…playing such tricks on me!*

"And WHAT is the problem there. I don't see it! Let's find the bastard!"

"Well, I don't want you all to get badly injured. Kouga isn't just a youkai, you know…"

"To you he isn't a normal youkai, ne? You think of him as special! We defeated Naraku, he can't be more difficult then him! You could shoot him with an arrow. Done in a second!"

"But…but…Okay, we defeated Naraku. But you are badly injured, I don't want you to die now!"

"Like I said, you can always shoot him if I don't get the chance to defeat him!"

"Ehm…Okay…"

*WHY in HEAVENS are you hesitating like that! You actually like him, ne? He's your 'special' youkai…Feh!*

"What are you guys all looking at? It's not that I…"

"It is, Kagome! Of course it is! If YOU aren't trying to defeat Kouga, I'll be!"

"Inuyasha! It's not like that!"

"It is! Now shut up! I don't wanna hear your lame excuses! I'm going right now!"

"Inuyasha…Please…Wait for me!" Kagome said, as she grabbed her bow and ran after him.

"Alright, get on my back! Sango, are you coming too?"

"No, I guess I'll stay here. I don't now if there are any dangers to the villagers, so…"

"That's okay! We'll see you around!"

They went of to the wolf-youkai tribe. After a while Inuyasha asked her what was bothering him for a while now. 

"Oi, Kagome… You like Kouga, ne?"

"That's not true…"

"It is, isn't it? Just tell me."

"I swear you, I don't like him. He's too possessive."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Inuyasha. Why would you ask that?"

"Just curiosity…"

"Really…I mean…"

"Sort of curiosity, and that'll have to do for now, okay?"

"Okay…"

*You know why I asked that, don't you. I'm not about to tell you, Kagome. Not in a million years, I guess…*

At that time the sun was setting and it became dark. Kagome felt her eyes closing as she fell into a slumber at Inuyasha's back.

*I don't get you, girl. I don't understand your actions sometimes…But you certainly are cute when you're asleep…*

At the time she woke up again, they were still going, but the sun was starting to rise again. She recognised the area of the steep rock hills as the area of the wolf-youkai tribe. The only thing that was different from before was that the huge birds weren't there anymore. 

"Inuyasha…We're almost there now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are. I smelled Kouga's tribe for half an hour now…Yuk…"

"Oww, come on, Inuyasha. Don't let it knock you out, okay? We have to get his shards. By the way, how come you can carry me on your back already?"

"I'm fast in healing. Besides, have you been on a diet or something? You've become much lighter than last time."

"I haven't got my backpack with me now, Inuyasha. But still I think you couldn't have healed SO fast…"

"Sometimes it takes shorter time then other times. It doesn't matter anyhow."

*Why are you interested in such a thing, we got here, so don't bother…*

"I think it does matter. You ARE healed, aren't you…?"

"Yeah, of course I am…" Inuyasha said, but his face told different, as Kagome saw it clinch with every step he took. Not much, but if you looked carefully you noticed.

"You are in pain! Let me of now, Inuyasha!"

"Why should I? I'm not in pain!"

"You ARE! Don't lie to me!"

"I can take it Kagome! I'm ALMOST healed, okay!"

"It'll get worse if you go on like this! Let me of, you should rest, we've been going all night!"

"And that's why we're almost there to kick some wolfy-ass!"

"But you can't fight in this condition! Please let me of!"

"I'll let you of if we come to the tribe."

"But you'll get in fighting right away then! If your not healed you shouldn't fight!"

"Are you just making time for Kouga to get away or something?! Geez, I'm strong enough to beat him like this!"

"Inuyasha! I'm worried about you! What if Kouga has found more shards, he'll be stronger than before, and you are wounded. Do you think you can win easily then?"

"Yeah!"

"Don't pretend to! You might die, I don't want you to die so LET ME OF!"

"Alright, alright, geez!"

*What's this about Kagome? Kouga will smell us and get over here. There isn't much time for me to heal!*

"Kagome, I think Kouga will get here in a couple of minutes. He'll smell us too, you know."

"Yeah, I thought about that too. You're not gonna let him kidnap me, right?"

"Damn right you are! He'll taste the blade of my Tessaiga!"

"Okay. Just wanted to know…"

"You won't let him kidnap you too, right?"

"Eh? I won't be kidnapped by my own will, Inuyasha, that's something that's for sure!"

"Alright…Just checking…"

"You know, it actually was stupid to leave my backpack behind. We've got nothing to eat…"

"Doesn't matter. We'll beat Kouga in a flash!"

"Yeah and then? We still gotta go back to Kaede's and that takes half a day, doesn't it?"

"Okay…It really was stupid to forget your backpack…"

"But I didn't actually forgot my backpack! I left it behind on purpose, so that you didn't have to carry me with the weight of all my books too, and besides, no one can take the shards from us now, because I left those in my backpack!"

"You…You left the SHARDS?!"

"Yeah, you know why? Because you had to gain strength and, more important, so that you would still HAVE that strength, because you have to fight Kouga! What do you think will happen if we carry the almost complete Shikon with us? We'll never even get to the tribe if I took the shards with us. All sort of youkai would attack us. We could hold them of, but if they all attack in a group, then you and I will get injuries and Kouga could take advantage of that!"

"Okay…You've got a point there…But I still think the shards would be safer with us, I mean, now only Sango can protect the jewel and all those youkai will attack her!"

"Kaede shoots arrows quite well, too, Inuyasha. All the villagers too. And we'll be back when the really dangerous youkai found out where I left the jewel. This is the best solution, I think."

"Well, then we have to defeat Kouga right away. We're going right now!"

"Okay. 'Re you sure that you can fight in this condition, I mean, you're still not completely healed, ne?"

"Of course not, that takes at least two whole days. But Kouga is a piece of cake!"

"Well, you should still be careful, I don't know how Kouga's strength has been developing."

"Alright, alright!"

*Why do you keep saying I should be careful for Kouga's strength and all that! I defeated Naraku, and if you didn't know, I was the one who defeated the Gokurachou (the bird-youkai that were around Kouga's tribe in EPS 37 and 38) with the shards in it. Kouga was too weak to do it!*

They went of and after just an hour they got to the tribe. It seemed deserted. It was al empty, and you didn't hear a sound. Well, us humans didn't hear a sound…

"They're hiding from us, Kagome. I can hear them breathing."

"Really? I don't hear anything!"

"Forgetting something?" he said while pointing at his ears.

"O yeah, that's right…"

"KOUGA! COME OUT AND FIGHT ME!"

"What are you doing! That's not really a smart thing to do…"

"Why not, We want to fight him, we're not here to play hide and seek."

"That's right…KOUGA-KUN!"

"Still Kouga-kun, ne?"

"Aww, come on Inuyasha. If I call him like this he might come out…"

*Yeah right, you're probably on his side again, ne?*

"Feh! If he doesn't want to fight, we might as well go again. What a coward!"

"Who called me a coward?!"

"Yoho…There he is…Finally…"

"Oww…It's only Dogface…"

"Kouga-kun!"

"And, of course, my woman!"

~BAF~

"I'm not your woman and YOU KNOW IT!"

"Well, Kouga…Ready for your last fight?"

"Of course I am…But it will not be MY last fight, it'll be yours!"

"Wait a sec, guys! Maybe Kouga wants to give his shards without a fight…"

"DON'T THINK SO!" they both yelled…

"Oww…okay…"

~*~

Alright, maybe not such a good time to end the chapter, but I want them to be all around 3-5 pages in my word file, get what I mean? Else you get long and short chapters and I think it's irritating… But that's just me… sometimes I think everything is irritating… But I'll no longer bother you with me daily life, I'll make the 9th chapter (Wow, was this the 8th chapter???) as soon as possible, and we'll get some Kouga-actions in it… STAY TUNED! Oops, that's not what I meant… I wanted to say: That might be stupid, but hey, you have to read it 'cause you don't wanna see me mad… But then again, that is some sort of threat to you, and I don't wanna scare you good reviewers and readers… So I love you all! ^. ~ Thihi! 

****

**Last chapter I updated in HTML afterwards… So everything I've asked you to tell me in these 8 chapters isn't necessary anymore…**


	9. Chapter 9

*Posted in HTML so it's readable*

Hello mina! Gomen I didn't post earlier, but ehm . . . I was a bit lazy! Well, in this chapter Kouga appears (duh . . .) and I pretend he doesn't know about the Tessaiga, okay? Just that you know, it's more interesting that way! I think at the end of the holidays I might have the story that I have on my computer on fanfiction.net! That would be great, ne? Well, anyway, read this chapter and REVIEW! 'Cause by now you readers should know I live on that. Thihi! O yeah, merry Christmas and happy New Year to you all, I hope 2003 will be a nice year, full of anime, manga and fanfics of course! I think I'll say that a lot in the coming chapters, but hey, you can't say it often enough, ne? Enjoy again! Oww, and ehm, I found out that the lyrics aren't Italic at fanfiction.net so I'll colour them from now on . . .  
  
**Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting. (Makes sense a lot, ne?)**

__

Chapter 9  
  
"But ehm, Kouga... Are you sure you don't wanna give 'em without a fight? The blade of my Tessaiga tastes not that good, you know…"  
  
"Shut up, Dogface! You know I'm much stronger and faster than you are. Besides, my woman will help me…"  
  
"I'M NOT YOUR WOMAN! INUYASHA, WOULD YOU PLEASE RIP HIS HEAD OF FOR ME!!!"  
  
"I'll be glad to do that, Kagome. Run if you wanna live, Kouga!" he said while drawing his Tessaiga.  
  
"Wow, what a cooooooooool sword you got there, Dogbreath, I would have it POLISHED if it was mine… "  
  
"Wait and see if you're barking like that when I slice you…" Inuyasha said with a certain grin on his face.  
  
*Just wait and see, you wimpy wolf… I don't think you'll be barking ANYHOW… because you're dead!*  
  
"Slice ME with that CRAPPY SWORD?! You GOTTA be kidding me!"  
  
"Let's take some action here then!" Inuyasha said while coming at Kouga.  
  
*Take the Kaze no Kizu, I'd love to kill you in one move…*  
  
"Are you gonna do something flashy, Inu-ko? You won't get me with THAT!" (AN: Did I use the right word for Inu-ko… It should be meaning puppy or something, ne?)  
  
"Prepare to die!!!" Inuyasha said, Tessaiga transforming into the cool, huge sword we all know.  
  
"Wow! Stop it man! What are you doing with that sword?" Kouga said, dodging Inuyasha's swings.  
  
"Eat this!" Inuyasha swung Tessaiga right at him.  
  
"Shit! What kinda sword is THAT?"  
  
"Still don't wanna give the shards, Kouga?"  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"Kouga-kun! Please give the shards to us! Do you wanna die or something?"  
  
"For cryin' out loud, Kagome! Let me kill him!"  
  
"Let YOU kill ME?! I don't think so, Dogface!"  
  
"Stop it! We can handle this in a peaceful way, can't we?"  
  
"No we can't, Kagome! The wolf wants to get sliced!"  
  
"I won't GET sliced, Inu-ko!"  
  
"Kouga-kun! Give me your shards. Now. Or I'll shoot you with my arrow."  
  
"Please Kagome! I want to kill him, why should you do it for me! He'll die anyhow!"  
  
"Kagome…You don't really want to shoot me, ne? After all, you ARE my woman."  
  
"I AIN'T YOUR WOMAN! Not now and not ever! You ARE gonna die, Kouga, don't you see Inuyasha is much stronger than you are? You don't even know what he can do with that sword of his! Just give me the shards you have, Kouga. We all now I am the one that will hold it until it's used for the right purpose!"  
  
"You are the one that holds the glass ball? I thought you could only sense it… Well, it only suits you better to be my woman then, ne?"  
  
"Kouga, get real! I'm not your woman and you gotta take a decision: Die with the shards, so that we take 'em afterwards, or give those now, and live! What do you think is the smartest thing to do?!"  
  
"Fight, because then I have a chance to hold my shards and get my woman back to me!"  
  
"Oww! Don't you have any brains in that stupid, wolfy head of yours?!"  
  
"He doesn't have them anywhere, Kagome! If he wants to fight, let him fight! You told me to rip his head of, ne? I haven't done that yet…"  
  
"Inuyasha! There should be a non-violent way of solving this!"  
  
"I know you hate violence, Kagome, but in this world, in this time, most of the time there is no other way then violence. In your time maybe there is, but in this age we all fight!"  
  
"But… I really think we shouldn't kill him, Inuyasha."  
  
*Why… WHY IN HEAVENS are you still protecting him? You really are his woman, ne? You know it, I know it, and he knows it… Why are you being like that when you have me? I abandoned Kikyo for you, and this is what I get? This ain't fair in the way it is right now!* (AN: Here starts a song from the Dutch band Krezip, it's called 'More than this'.)  
  
_I should be able_

I should have tried

Justified, I say justified

We could be nothing I can't deny

But I still got pride  
  
"And WHY shouldn't we kill him? Give me one good reason, then I might consider to let him live."  
  
"Well…."  
  
"You don't know, really! I should've known! Don't kill him! But if I ask why, I get no answer. Tell me why I shouldn't kill him, tell me HONESTLY..."  
  
_Could we be loved?_

Could this be real?

'Cause we ought to be just fine  
  
"Inuyasha..."  
  
"Don't try to, Kagome..."  
  
"Tell him you are my woman, Kagome. That's what you are!"  
  
"I ain't your woman, Kouga!"  
  
"You feel like you are, ne? You really do like him, don't you, Kagome?"  
  
"I…I- Of course not! I don't like him... not really..."  
  
_There's gotta be more than this_

More than I can give

No!  
  
"No, of course not. Why shouldn't I kill him, then? You don't act this way when I want to kill another centipede with a shard!"  
  
"I'm not a stupid centipede!"  
  
"But… Inuyasha… It's not like that… He saved me once… I owe him for that… "  
  
_And more than I can give_  
  
"But you already paid him back by letting him escape that time! I saved your life so many times, why don't you let me kill him!"  
  
"But Inuyasha… He… Well, he… He told me he loved me… I can't let him get killed then, can I?"  
  
_So we do believe_  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Oww… Are you REALLY that hartless… Are you like that... for REAL?" she said, disbelief and tears to be seen in her eyes.  
  
_Believe it all again_  
  
*I'm not hartless… Do you really feel like that about me? Really...*  
  
"Can't you understand why I couldn't let you kill him? Really... You do understand, do you? DO YOU?"  
  
_Maybe that I'm gone tomorrow, maybe then I'm gone!_  
  
"Kagome . . . What do you mean?"  
  
"You don't… YOU REALLY DON'T! You do got something in there, do you?"  
  
"What is it that I should understand, Kagome? Should I understand why you love him? Should I? There are things that aren't to be understood by everyone!"  
  
"Oww... REALLY! I don't love him! It's just... Let me explain it, then!"  
  
"You don't . . .You don't love me? You are my woman, you are supposed to lo- "  
  
"SHUT UP KOUGA! Inuyasha... What I want you to understand is that if someone told you that she loves you, would you let her die, by me, for example? And then stand there, doing nothing? That would be so cruel!"  
  
"Sometimes there is no time for being sweet, Kagome... And what are you trying to be, telling me what it means to let someone who loves you die? Have you already forgotten, Kagome?"  
  
_And will I return_

In what kind of form

No it really doesn't matter  
  
"What... You mean..."  
  
"Yeah...I mean Kikyo, Kagome...I let her die, didn't I? I made a sacrifice, just to get this quest to a good end, to not leave you, maybe. But DON'T you go tell me what it means to let someone die that loves you…"  
  
"But that is different… You… You loved her… didn't you… she didn't love you…"  
  
_I don't give a shit, no!_  
  
"So it's even worse, then! You should understand it, Kagome. You are smart, aren't you? You should know it doesn't always go the way you want it to!"  
  
There's gotta be more than this

More than I can give 

No more, more, more than this

More than I can…

Give  
  
"Do I have a part in this… "  
  
"SHUT UP!" they both yelled, and got back to their conversation.  
  
"But… With Kikyo it was different... She already was dead, and only was a body! She should rest in peace, not haunt you your whole life!"  
  
_I'll break it down and hunt it down _

Just the way it ought to be  
  
"So Kikyo was dead once. I let her die twice! What do you think that means to me?! What do you think, Kagome?"  
  
_'Cause after all it all comes round_  
  
"Inuyasha… "  
  
"Now don't go with the sad-eyes-that-have-to-convince-anyone-that-looks- into-them! You don't think I just let her go, do you?"  
  
_Just wait and see_  
  
"You didn't! You screamed that you wanted to go with her. You really wanted to go, ne? You just felt sorry I saved you from that." she said bitterly.  
  
_Now maybe that I could _

No, maybe that I should…  
  
"Of course I don't feel sorry about that, Kagome! What do you think I am!"  
  
"I think you are… You are still in love with her… Still… after all she did to you… I think your heart can't let her go… That's what I think."  
  
_There's gotta be more than this_

No more than I can give

No more than this

And more than I can give

~*~

Well, that was it! The 9th chapter. I'll see what you think of it. Gosh, do I love the review alert! I'll become really sad if you don't review guys… *SOB* But after all, those chapters are all posted in one hour time so I don't have anything to worry about! Thihi! By the way, did you all have a nice Christmas party or anything? I hope you did, and I hope 2003 will give all of you lots of happiness! (That's in case I don't post before the New Year... But I think I'll make it!) And I think I got the solution to the three-dot problem… Spaces between the dots!!! Yeah... And if I got the whole story in ff.net I might change the previous eight chapters with three dots and coloured lyrics... But that's if I got spare time!

*Posted again when it was finished, in HTML format. Corrected some spelling, otherwise stayed the same…*


	10. Chapter 10

*Reposted in HTML format*

Hello! The tenth chapter is already up! I'm happy about that! Are you happy about it…? I hope you are! Well, anyway read and review… If you've seen my BIO you know I'm an alien from the Netherlands, and due to that I live on REVIEWS instead of bread, water and love! Alright, stupid joke... But DO review and maybe the title may make a bit sense after this chapter... But not much! This chapter is a songfic again. The first song used is One Step Closer and the second In The End, both by Linkin Park. I found out that the lyrics are neither italic nor coloured. I think I'll put them between ~~ now.

*Not in HTML, it'll just be italic*  
  
**Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting**

__

Chapter 10  
  
"I think you are… You are still in love with her... Still... after all she did to you... I think your heart can't let her go... That's what I think..."  
  
_I cannot take this anymore_  
  
"Of course I can let her go! I hated her! She was the one that nailed me to the Goshinboku for fifty years! Of course my heart can let her go!"  
  
_I'm saying everything I've said before_  
  
"Geez, Inu-ko! Just tell her that you love the Kikyo-girl so everyone will live a happily ever after... Well, for me it is..."  
_  
All these words they make no sense_

I find bliss in ignorance  
  
"Kouga! I'd never tell her that! Because-"  
  
"Because I have to locate the last shards and purify the whole thing! Inuyasha, please tell me now why I'm still here…"  
_  
Less I hear the less you'll say  
_  
"I need you! You can't just go away!"  
  
_But you'll find that out anyway  
_  
"I'm still Kikyo for you, ne? I still am her... I ain't her, Inuyasha. I never will be her. I never want to be her… Except for sometimes... When you, when you…"  
  
_Just like before…  
_  
"What, Kagome? I don't see you as Kikyo. She's dead, she's gone!"  
  
_Everything you say to me_  
  
"And I will be gone sometime soon too! Nice world then, ne?"  
  
_Takes me one step closer to the edge_  
  
"Kagome! What are you saying! The world's better with you in it!"  
  
"But still much less than when Kikyo was in it…"  
_  
And I'm about to break _

I need a little room to breathe  
  
"Whoah... What are you all talking about! This is WAY out of my knowledge..."  
  
"That's because you don't have any brains, Kouga!"  
  
"Kouga… Would you please give me your shards… I'd be home quicker that way…"  
  
_'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge_

And I'm about to break  
  
"You wanna go home so bad?"  
  
"At this time... Yeah, actually, I do. Give me a reason why I should stay any longer- and don't say you need me, 'cause I know that you need me for the shards."  
  
"You should stay... because...What do you think Shippo, Sango and Miroku will feel when you go forever, without a real reason?"  
  
_I find the answers aren't so clear _

I wish I could find a way to disappear

  
"They don't feel anything like that, because I HAVE a good reason for going!"  
  
"Tell me that reason then, Kagome…"  
  
"Yeah, why shouldn't you leave the puppy and live with me instead!"  
  
"Kouga... You make me sick, you know..."  
  
"Anyways... I can't tell you my main reason... You guys wouldn't understand..."  
_  
All these thoughts they make no sense _

I find bliss in ignorance  
  
"Now THAT is the stupidest thing I ever heard!"  
  
"Inuyasha, you can't assure you'd understand. In fact, I think you just wouldn't understand me. You didn't even understand me when I told you why I didn't want you to kill Kouga, that way…"  
  
"She just likes me, Inu-ko. Get over it!"  
  
"Kouga, just give me your shards and get lost!" a very angry Kagome said… -_-#  
  
_Nothing seems to go away  
_  
"I ain't givin' up my shards!"  
  
_Over and over again  
_  
"Inuyasha… Would you understand? Would you? I don't think so, ne? It's true…"  
  
"What's true? I don't get it!"  
  
"I now know why Kikyo could get such a grudge against you. I won't let that happen to me, but... I can see why, it's not that hard... It's more difficult not to get one... "  
  
"What the... What do you mean? You... You understand why Kikyo wanted to kill me?! What is it that bothers you so much about me?"  
  
"It's your attitude! Not telling anything to a woman, but still assuming she stays with you, no matter what! That isn't really fair, is it?"  
  
"Never tell anything to a woman? What should I tell the bitch then? Which type of youkai I hate most?"  
  
"Inuyasha! I've totally had it with you! You really expect me to stay with you, after you tell me what a bitch, wench, whore or stupid baka I am?! You think I just should get used to that?! What do you think I am? Some kind of thing which you can command? You aren't being realistic Inuyasha! Hasn't anyone ever taught you some manners?"  
  
_Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge _

And I'm about to break 

I need a little room to breathe 

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge 

And I'm about to

Break  
  
"Ka… Kagome... "  
  
"Now it's you who's trying to soothe me with the 'sweet eyes'! You think you can make me stay if you're nice to me sometimes! -Just make her happy for the moment, so she doesn't run off!- That's what I… I really, really HATE that about you!"  
  
*You really hate that about me... Don't you hate everything about me? Actually you do so... But I really don't get what you're trying to say... I am nice to you sometimes, ne? You should be happy about that… What do you want more from me…"  
  
"But you ain't nice to me everyday! What do you do with this rosary, for example! You just-"  
  
_It starts with…_

  
"SIT me! Yeah, you know why I do that? Because else I wouldn't have any power against you and you'd just make me stay! What do you think people at my time will think? I'd be a missing person, or a runaway-child! And my life here... I can't do anything with my life HERE! I can't go to college, I can't get the job I'd want to! I'd just be a... a stupid PRIESTESS! Do you think I'd like that?"  
_  
One thing I don't know why _

It doesn't even matter how hard you try 

Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme 

To explain in due time 

All I know  
  
"Why not?" he muffled in the dirt.  
  
"I'm going, Inuyasha! Win the stupid fight with Kouga, I don't care! Just get of my back and let me be!"  
_  
Time is a valuable thing _

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings 

Watch it count down to the end of the day 

The clock ticks life away  
  
"Kagome! Wait! You wouldn't survive if you go home by yourself! You know how far it is from here to the well? You'd starve to death and if you didn't, all sorts of youkai would rip you apart!"  
  
_It's so unreal  
_  
"What if I don't want to survive, Inuyasha? What if I think it's better to give my miserable life up? What if I don't feel like living anymore?"  
_  
Didn't look out below _

Watch the time go right out of the window 

Trying to hold on but didn't even know 

We wasted it all just to see you go  
  
"That's a cowardly thing to do!"  
  
"I knew it... The last thing you'd tell me is that I am a coward! But this time you might be right! I am a coward, I'm running away for obvious facts! My life in my time is not of any value too, I mean, if it was I wouldn't spend all my time here!"  
  
_I kept everything inside _

And even thought I tried 

It all fell apart 

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory 

Of the time when…

  
"Your life means a lot just by that! Why do you think you can travel in time? Because you are special! You are destined to be here, to help me, to make the world in this time a better place!"  
  
"Travel in time?!" said a very puzzled Kouga, who was still standing there...  
  
"Well, I just don't wanna be destined anymore, Inuyasha... You just don't wanna see... You can't see beyond yourself... It's only you ya think of..."  
  
_I tried so hard _

And got so far 

But in the end it doesn't even matter 

I had to fall 

And lose it all 

But in the end it doesn't even matter

  
*Of course not... I think about you every second... Please don't go!*  
  
"Please don't go, Kagome…"  
  
"We already had this discussion, Inuyasha... I can't stay here if you aren't willing to change your attitude… That would break me apart, I can't let that happen! If got a life beyond you, you know!"  
_  
In spite of the way you where mocking me _

Acting like I was part of your property 

Remembering all the times you fought with me 

I'm surprised I got so far  
  
"Yeah… Your sweetie-sweet Hoho-boy, ne?"  
  
"Hojo-kun is just some boy who thinks I like him! I told you that, ne? I thought you said you'd listen! Apparently, you didn't... I should never have thought you would..."  
  
"I did listen! I did!"  
  
_Things aren't the way they were before _

You wouldn't even recognise me anymore 

Not that you knew me back then 

But it all comes back to me in the end

  
"Not bad enough, if you don't even know that anymore... You really are simple-minded..."  
  
"Fine then! Go and die out there! You just go on about me, ne? Who are you comparing me to? I'm not from your time, I didn't have any family or friends that could tell me anything about how to behave! I just fought myself out of anyone that had a problem with me! I don't know why I let you live in the first place, 'cause it seems you've got the biggest problem of all!"  
_  
I put my trust in you _

Pushed as far as I can go 

But for all this there's only one thing you should know  
  
"Inuyasha… You can be so rude and cold-hearted to me..." Kagome said with tears in her eyes.  
  
*Me? I just do what I think is best! What am I supposed to do if you don't wanna live anymore! I can't help it, can I? YOU are the one who's thinking inside your head, not me!*  
  
"Kagome... What do you expect from me then? In this time it's not as nice and happy as in your time, here it's all war and violence. I'm a nice guy for this time!"  
_  
I tried so hard _

And got so far 

But in the end it doesn't even matter 

I had to fall 

To lose it all 

But in the end it doesn't even matter  
  
"But why can't you just... WHY can't you be a bit nicer to me... It's always 'Wench, do this, Bitch, get me that!' That is really frustrating you know... Sometimes I'd wish I was Kikyo... Maybe you wouldn't yell at me like that then..."  
  
"If I'd... If I'd promise that I'll try to be nicer to you, would you stay than?"  
  
"Maybe... But what's nice for you?"  
  
"I won't call you wench again, okay?"  
  
*Please stay alive... You don't now how much you mean to me...*  
  
"No more bitch too?" she asked a bit cheered up.  
  
"No more bitch, alright? Then let's finish this sneaky Kouga, who apparently still tries to understand what we are saying here! Why the HELL are you still here!!!"  
  
"Kouga-kun... I'll ask you nicely one more time, okay? And consider your answer... Give me your shards now, or die!"  
  
*Geez... Still the nice Kagome, ne? Well, should get used to it, I guess...*  
  
"But... But you are my woman! You can't tell me to do anything!"  
  
"I'm not your woman! Besides, if I were your woman, you'd do what I'd say! I'm telling you to give your shards, Kouga! Give 'em up!"  
  
*What the- I didn't know you could be like that... WOW... Better watch out... Don't wanna get such a Kagome in a fight with me... My face hurts only by the thought of it... AUCH!*  
  
"Why should I give 'em up? I could still fight, and not die, ne?"  
  
"You can't. Inuyasha is a million times stronger then you are, you know. You shouldn't get him mad, because this time I won't let you escape. Get my point?"  
  
"Inuyasha isn't a million times stronger! And how should you know? You don't know how strong I am!"  
  
"You're only good at hiding, with those shards in your legs you're only fast. Maybe you should take a real fight for a time. You could learn from it, although I don't think you can use the knowledge afterwards... "  
  
"Oww, come on! Why do you need my shards so bad! And besides, you should consider staying with me… That'd really do you good."  
  
"But it would only make you die a bit slower. You know, Inuyasha wouldn't just let me go off to you, what do you think he is? Someone who lets you take HIS girl from the future? Don't think so, ne?"  
  
*MY girl from the future? But... She's MY Kagome and that wimpy Kouga can't take her from me!*  
  
"I'm not giving my shards! And by the way, what is this 'girl-of-the- future' thing all about! You're just wearing weird clothes, you ain't from the future, right?"  
  
"Of course I am! And I love to stay here, it's a pity I don't have much time, so give the shards!"  
  
"Kagome, he isn't giving them. Better get some fight going, or we'll starve at the way back to Kaede's…"  
  
"Oops, I almost forgot! Inuyasha, maybe it is better to put on a fight after all. I'm starving already! Kouga, last chance, or Inuyasha will slice you. Maybe it's better if you just give the shards now…"  
  
"And why should I-" Kouga began, but got the blade of the transformed Tessaiga right under his nose…  
  
"Give 'em up, Kouga." he growled.  
  
*Why is this taking so long! I could've killed the guy in 5 seconds…*  
  
"But… I'd better get going!" Kouga said, and tried to get away, but Inuyasha got after him and fired the Kaze no Kizu at him. Strange enough Kouga wasn't totally destroyed by it.  
  
"Kouga! Are you alright?"  
  
"Are you alright?! What's this about, Kagome! Get his shards and let's get out of here!"  
  
"I only threatened him to get sliced by you, you didn't have to do that for real!"  
  
~SWEATDROP~  
  
"THE GUY WAS GETTING AWAY! WHAT SHOULD I'VE DONE THEN?!!!!!"  
  
"Inuyasha! SIT!!!"  
  
~BAF~  
  
"What was that for!!!"  
  
"'Cause Kouga is dying, you idiot! You shouldn't have hurt him that bad! Now I've got regrets taking his shards..."  
  
"Why in HELL is that?!"

~*~ 

Yeah, why the hell would that be??? Read the next chapter when I've posted it! Oww, and in this chapter I think Kagome isn't really the personality Rumiko Takahashi made, but more like me. I don't know, but it's the way I'd think, actually… But if it doesn't bother you nice, cool readers I don't think I have to make a big deal out of it. Just forget I ever said that, okay… And I hope the three dots work, I haven't checked on 'em... If there still is a weird sentence there are two possibilities: Or I have forgotten to change them or it's still no use... 

*Again, all of this doesn't matter anymore, 'cause it's posted again in HTML. Again I made the stuff readable and I corrected some minor spelling. Story still the same*


	11. Chapter 11

*Again, posted again in HTML so it's easier to read*

YAY! I love you all, and I love my eleven chapters! I didn't know it would go so fast, but I think the twelfth chapter will be the last that I already wrote. From then I'll have to think of the story in chapters (these chapters were actually one story) and they might get better in cliffhangers and stuff. And as you all know by now, I need your opinion about how to go on. But this is al about the twelfth chapter that isn't even here, so don't bother and read this chapter! (REVIEWS PLEASE!!!) 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 11

"Why in the HELL is that?!"

"Because he might die if I take his shards out! I don't wanna be responsible for his death!"

"I do wanna be! I'll get them if your stupid conscious is bothering you... Geez!"

"Inuyasha... Don't you care..."

"You didn't care about Kikyo, so stop asking me things like that!" Inuyasha said, a bit harsh.

"... Inuyasha..."

"Kagome, where the hell has the bastard hid his shards?"

"In... In his legs they are right above his knees... and… in his right arm between his hand and his elbow… " she said, shivering lightly.

"What is it, Kagome? Why are you shivering like that?"

"Oww... It's just... If he died instantly I wouldn't have such feelings... but now he's still alive... and I don't know if he will live without the shards... Then it feels as if I'd kill him behind his back, you know... "

"But he was gonna die one way or another. Why are you feeling so guilty about this?" he said, while he found one shard in Kouga's leg.

"It's just... I don't know. I actually really have no idea... Rather stupid, ne?"

"Actually, yeah... "

"Oww! You're supposed to tell me- never mind... "

"What?"

"Never mind. Just some stupid thing... "

"Are you being more stupid today or something... "

"OWW!!! You can be so... so... ARGH!"

"If you don't like it, get your ass going."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I meant, if you've got problems with me, you shouldn't be around me all day... "

"And you tell me to get my ass going?!"

"Yeah... Got problems with that?"

"Well... "

"Then get the fuck back to your time... "

"You should really learn how to say things WITHOUT a curse or anything in it!"

"Why should I? I like it the way it is!"

*I like the curses... They make me the bad guy... Only weaklings don't curse... Besides, it's my habit, you go 'bathing' every three days... Now THAT is something weird... *

"Oww! You really are so rude! You don't know how to say things in a nice way, don't you?"

"Of course not! And I'm still searching for the shard in his arm. I can't find it. Where the hell is it!"

"It's more in the upper half there, Inuyasha... Gross... "

"Hey! Be happy that I'm doing it for ya!"

"Yeah... REALLY happy... "

"Got it! Now let's get out of here!"

"Shouldn't we... check if he's still alive... "

"Why should we, I don't care if he's alive or not!"

"Inuyasha! Just check his heartbeat! I wanna know if he's dead!"

"Yeah, yeah... You do it, if it's so important!"

"But… But he's… yukky… Oww, what the hell…"

Kagome got to the bloody, ragged Kouga and tried to feel his heartbeat. At first hand, she didn't feel anything and got teary eyes. But then she felt a weak beat in his chest.

"Thank god, he's still alive... "

"THANK GOD?!"

*Why would you thank GOD if the fucking bastard isn't dead! Just minutes ago you were talking so cool to him, so confident. You were as hard as a rock, with your 'Kouga, give me your shards, or die!' Why are you being so soft now?*

"Yeah, I would never forgive myself if he was dead. I know you kill youkai often, but I don't and Kouga wasn't an ordinary youkai!" 

"No, he was SOOO special! Geez, why don't you get to know each other, maybe I should just go to Kaede's, so you can have some TIME OF YOUR OWN!!!"

"Inuyasha . . . Why would I want that?"

"Now don't play games with me, Kagome! I'll be going to the village. If you might change your mind, you can come after me. Not that you'd do that of course, you'd rather stay with this oh-so-special youkai, Kouga!"

"And why are you being jealous, Inuyasha! You're so… so... "

"Can't say the word now, Kagome? I guess I'll never understand the way you think. It's better this way I, I guess? You're going happy with Kouga... and I'd be like I was before... the dangerous hanyou who's mindless, hartless and more stuff. But then without Kikyo to be there for me!" Inuyasha turned his back to her and walked away. His fists were bawled and you could see he was angry.

*Fine then, Kagome! Have it your way! Have it your way. Stay with Kouga. I don't mind. I don't care. Why would I... *

"Inuyasha!!! Wait! Let me explain!"

Inuyasha turned around again. His eyes focussed on nothing. He had a neutral expression on his face, like he had no emotions. 

"Tell me then, Kagome. But wait, you couldn't tell me, ne? OF COURSE YOU CAN'T TELL ME!!!"

"Inuyasha... If I was your enemy, and I'd tell you that I love you, would you kill me, without any regrets about that?"

"Would you let Naraku live if HE told you he loved you???"

"No... of course not. But that's... that's different… "

"The only thing that differs is that you don't love him, and you DO love Kouga!"

"I don't! Honestly not!"

"And you expect me to believe that bullshit! You tell me that every time! WHY do I always see different from that?" 

"Because… "

"You give the impression that you love him!"

"And YOU are jealous about it!"

"I'm not jealous about it! Like I said, I'm going to the village! I just wanted to know why I let Kikyo go for you!"

That hit a spot. Kagome didn't say a thing. Kikyo again. She's DEAD. She was dead, but now she also vanished. AND STILL!!!

"What's wrong now, Kagome? Are you HURT by that? Oh my god, now that is a disaster!" he said cynically. (AN: Oops, I'm letting him be a bit to harsh . . . but well, that's what he is, ne?)

"Inuyasha…" she whispered. Why was he like this? Why?

"Well, Kagome, I guess I'd better be going," he sighed, "b'cause I've got no reason to stay around here anymore."

"Inuyasha... "

Kagome got closer to him, tears in the corners of her eyes. Inuyasha just turned away from her. Deaf for her words, blind for her tears. But... also unable to look at her.

*Why the hell is this going like this. This isn't what's supposed to happen! Why did I ever think it would work out between us when Kikyo was gone? Why did I think that... Why the hell do you act like this now Kikyo is gone? You still think Kouga is better then me, ne?*

"Inuyasha... I want to go with you. I really do! But why are you so harsh to me when I only said I'd wanted to check his heartbeat? To know if he was dead?"

"Why would you care about that?"

"You felt guilty about Kikyo dying, I felt guilty about Kouga dying. Maybe you now understand?"

"Yeah, I understand LOTS of things! I _LOVED_ Kikyo, Kagome. So stay with Kouga, you love the bastard!"

"I don't love him! How many times do I have to say it?"

"You don't have to say it! You have to prove it! You always stay around him like you guys are a couple! What do you think of me, I should just believe everything you say?"

"Did I ever lie to you? Ever?"

"There must've been times, of course! You can't go through life without lying!"

"But in important stuff I never lied to you Inuyasha! Never ever!"

"This isn't an important situation, Kagome. Go back to your Kouga!"

"He ain't my Kouga! Inuyasha! Why won't you believe me... "

"Because you don't act like you don't like him! Why am I even having this conversation? I don't have a shit to do with your love life so I'd better get going!" Inuyasha already made attempts on going, but Kagome had something to say first.

"Inuyasha! Wait a minute! First of all I don't wanna stay here and second, I must repair the Shikon no Tama!"

"All about the fucking jewel... Geez! Get on my back."

*Everything seems to be about that stupid jewel. Everyone, including you, is here because of it and everyone is hurt because of it. Everything that goes wrong has always directly or indirectly to do with it. It's just a stupid jewel. Why make all this trouble for it, if all you get is more trouble and pain?*

~*~

What a deeply sad thought of our favourite hanyou... Still think my fic is nice I hope? Well, anyway, the next one is coming up very soon so I'll know how to continue! I can't tell you what it's about 'cause that would ruin the storyline... I love you anyway and I really love your reviews... Gosh, I think I bother you readers too much with my review stuff...

*Posted in HTML after the finish of the story. Corrected some spelling, added pragraphs. Same as usual*


	12. Chapter 12

Hello everyone! I just figured I always start with something that looks like "Hello everyone' . . . Do you mind that? I'll try to find another quote to begin with, this gets a bit boring after 12 chapters, ne? Well, after the twelfth 'Hello everyone' here's the twelfth chapter of my largest fanfic ever! It might take longer to post chapters now, 'cause I have to make everything up now. After this chapter you know as much as I know about the story . . . Well, almost. 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 12

They went of and as soon as it got night, Kagome fell asleep again. Thinking about everything Inuyasha had said. Did he really care that much about KOUGA?!!! Weirdo . . . 

Inuyasha decided his feet hurt and stopped in an open spot in the forest. There was a large tree in the middle, so he put Kagome of his back, against the tree. He'd noticed that she was asleep, so he tried not to wake her. He got up in the same tree and made himself comfortable at a strong branch. He closed his eyes, but stayed awake and focussed his ears for anything unusual. 

*Kagome, why does your mood change with every second? That's really annoying and it makes it harder to understand you. I still don't get why you wanted Kouga to stay alive. I really don't, but maybe some day you can explain it to me. I know too that it hurt me a lot to see Kikyo die for the second time, although I didn't see the first, but that's totally different from you and Kouga. I mean, can I believe you when you say you don't love him? It seems quite sure that you do. Why would you care for his life so much otherwise? To me he was such an asshole, commanding you to be his woman. What did you see in him? Did you really like him? Are you in love with him? Why would you when Kikyo is gone? I thought I always hurt you when I was with her. You were always so down after that. I thought you would at least care for me when Kikyo would be gone . . . apparently not, I see . . . *

~*~

As the sun rose Inuyasha's hair shined in its light. He had fallen asleep after all . . . not such a great idea. He quickly checked if Kagome was still at the trunk of the tree. He almost fell out of it when he saw that she wasn't there. He quickly looked around and at his relief he saw that she was laying with against another tree.

"Kagome! You scared me to death!"

No response of Kagome. What's wrong with her NOW . . .

"Kagome?"

Still no response from her. This was getting weird and Inuyasha wasn't feeling good about it. There was something wrong with her, something bad must've happened.

*Kagome! What's happened to you?*

Inuyasha quickly jumped out of the tree and went to her. When he looked at her face, her eyes were blank. No sign of life to be found in them.

*Shit! I know what this means and what it is . . . But it's impossible! I thought we had . . . I thought she was gone for real! She said she would be gone forever, didn't she? Did you take her soul again . . . Kikyo?*

Kagome was just a doll in his hands. He had troubles getting her on his back, but finally succeeded and went as quickly as possible to the village. This was considered the best place to get her to, since there were people that could protect her, as Inuyasha would go and get her soul back.

Kaede came out of her hut together with Sango, Miroku and Shippo.

"Inuyasha, did you and Kagome get the shards from Kouga?"

"Of course we did! But there's something happened to Kagome and I fear that Kikyo wasn't put to rest when she faded. Kagome's soul is taken!"

"What? I thought she finally found her peace! What in the world makes you think she's still wandering around?" Sango said. You could hear the concern in her voice, which wasn't strange, as she and Kagome were the closest friends you could imagine.

"I thought she would rest too. But Kagome's soul is taken and I don't know of any youkai that could do that to her! It must be Kikyo!"

"I think I know what happened, Inuyasha." Kaede said," She has her soul snatchers, ne? I think she wandered around as a real ghost, as a spirit, and took her soul back."

"But if she is a real ghost, how can she contain a soul?" Miroku asked.

"I don't know, we shall see, as she probably will try to kill Inuyasha again . . . "

"If she comes she can get it!"

"But how can you defeat a ghost? The revived Kikyo was hard because she wasn't flesh and blood, but now she's a real ghost, we can't defeat her, I guess!" Sango said.

"I know. I thought about that too. But she said she was fading because I had rejected her. That she was dying. But now she's 'alive', I think I didn't reject her the way it should for her to rest. I thought in the first place that at the time it was weird what she said, because I didn't actually reject her. I think I'll go to the forest and wait 'till she shows up. It's late afternoon so I don't think that it will take much time for her to show up. You guys protect Kagome, okay?"

"We will sleep in the same house, so no one can do something to her. We will do anything we can."

"O, and Inuyasha, if you can get her soul back, do it quick. I don't know how long a body can live without a soul, but if I may guess I don't think it'll be that much time…"

"Understood, Kaede-baba. I'll do my best. And I really hope Kikyo will REALLY rest in peace for this time. Although I still don't know how I can handle this . . . I guess if I insult her real hard she might let the soul escape . . . I'll see what I'll do. I'm off now."

And so he went to the forest. The others all carried Kagome inside. She still had that lifeless expression in her eyes. It was really scary and Shippo was for once not hyper.

"Kaede . . . Do you think she'll be okay?"

"Shippo . . . I don't know for sure, but I don't think she'll make it. I knew my sister when she was alive. She wouldn't let go of any target. Never show any mercy. But that was before Inuyasha. They build up some kind of friendship, maybe even some sort of relationship, but then they both sort of died and that was the end. She is full of hatred and I think she'll be even merciless than she was in those days. It'll be hard to even find her, get Kagome's soul back would be almost impossible . . . I don't have a lot of faith in this, Shippo . . . "

"You don't? But just a while ago you said that . . . "

"I know I said nothing this concerned just then. But I didn't want to discourage Inuyasha, you know. He'll act without thinking."

"But isn't that what he always does . . .?"

"I mean really without thinking. He might get youkai or something and then we're nowhere, 'cause Kagome is the only one that can 'sit' him. He'll go killing everything that comes in his way."

"But the more important thing is: How can you retrieve a soul from a ghost, I mean, a ghost isn't supposed to have one in the first place!" Miroku said.

"Yeah, and the rejecting-stuff sounded not very hopeful to me!" Sango added. 

"I don't know what Inuyasha meant by that, but we can't do anything for now, if we don't know what Kikyo-oneesama is up to." Kaede said.

"That is quite a point. Did you know your sister well, Kaede?" Sango asked.

"I didn't. She passed away when I was just a little kid, and she never showed any of her emotions. Also I don't remember anything before the time she died. I don't know what she's up to. We'll unfortunately have to wait. Maybe it'll all be okay, but I doubt that . . . "

~*~

Kagome tried to open her eyes, but couldn't. She was in a strange world, if you can call it a world. It was all black. It was a whole nothingness that surrounded her. What had happened? She didn't know, didn't remember. She only remembered falling asleep at Inuyasha's back. It was quite sure that something was missing inside her. She had been in this kinda place before . . . When the old woman that had revived Kikyo took her soul! Shit . . . Had she lost her soul again? But how could that possibly happen? What kind of youkai could take souls? The soul-snatchers of Kikyo could only take the souls of dead people, and Kikyo was gone, so why would they collect them in the first place? More and more questions popped up in her mind. Not one of those questions could be answered. 

Kikyo was really gone, wasn't she? She vanished. She vanished and said she couldn't take Inuyasha with her anymore. Why is my soul missing? But wait . . . Didn't Kikyo say that she couldn't rest in peace? 

__

Flashback

"Kikyo . . . Please rest in peace, okay?"

"Inuyasha . . . INUYASHA! You expect me to rest in peace after this? I'll always be mad at you, I'll always try to revive once again, to let you suffer like I did! You should've come with me, Inuyasha . . . You should have! But now it's too late, my soul will hate you forever. Forever! Inuyasha!" and . . . with that she was gone . . . vanished in the depths of the sky. 

End Flashback

Could it be Kikyo had found a way to revive again? Could it? But she was gone, how could she possible revive again? Could it be that . . . That she had someone that took my soul for her? But her soul-snatchers . . . I don't think they would stick with her when she was gone, those youkai only served her when she needed them. They wouldn't serve her if she was gone. But who else could possible take her soul? Maybe it was a soul-snatcher . . . But they need someone to command them . . . Who would remember Kikyo and . . . No . . . it can't be . . . INUYASHA???

When Inuyasha popped up in her mind, she suddenly saw something in the darkness. It looked like a person . . . But who was it?

~*~

Wow, the second half of this chapter is new, I just thought of it. That can be fun, guys . . . Oww yeah, by the way, I don't know if people without a soul can think, but in my fic they can, okay? And who would the person in Kagome's mind be? I don't know for sure myself . . . Anyway, please review . . . and I finally found a way to make Italic/Coloured/Underlined lyrics: Make the chapters HTM files! If I had just read the lines that pop up when you have logged in I would know from the beginning . . . -_-' . . . Smarty-ass me . . . ^.^


	13. Chapter 13

Konnichiwa, mina-san! This is the 13th chapter and as you all know, thirteen is the bad-luck number . . . But I'm not superstitious so don't mind. Still, this chapter isn't a happy one. But, just read and tell me what you think!!!

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 13

Inuyasha was in the forest. He didn't hear nor smell Kikyo anywhere. She was not around here. She was somewhere else, doing something else. But if she had taken Kagome's soul, what would she be up to? He didn't know, and so he just strolled around the whole forest, hoping he would find Kikyo, or that she would find him.

~*~

Kagome saw the person coming closer. It shined a bright purple light out . . . It was Kikyo!

What is Kikyo doing in my thoughts! What is she gonna do, laugh at me? If it really was Inuyasha who helped her get my soul, she doesn't have any use for me, does she? I mean, she would have Inuyasha . . . 

Kagome almost started to cry. She was quite sure Inuyasha had helped Kikyo get her soul. She didn't even want to get her soul back. What use did it have? Meanwhile Kikyo came closer. Kagome tried to ignore her, but since she was the only thing that wasn't all black, she couldn't help looking at her. 

"What's the matter . . . Kagome?"

"You know what's the matter, Kikyo, you know it!"

"I don't know anything, Kagome . . ."

"I know you used Inuyasha to take my soul!" she shouted. 

Kikyo took advantage of her thoughts and her he did.

"It's true, Kagome. He took your soul for me. But it's not a secret is it, he loves me and not you . . ."

"I knew that all the time! You don't have to rub it in while I can't go back anyway!"

"But I can get you to live, Kagome. I can place your soul in back into you, you know!"

"And why would you do that!"

"Because I needed a soul to revive again . . . But my revival failed. It didn't work. Now I can only give you your soul back . . ."

"You wouldn't do that! Why would you give me my soul back when you can torture 4 people by holding it?"

"I'm not the person that stood by hatred anymore, Kagome. I'm just a ghost, a spirit. I just want to make up with you after the things I put you through."

Kagome found that hard to believe. But she had to give her a chance, ne? It wouldn't be fair if she didn't give her the chance to make up with her.

"And why would I go back . . . Do I have anything to live for?"

"Of course you have . . . Don't forget Inuyasha needs you."

"And that's it. I only want to go back to tell him I'm going home and that I'm never coming back because he took my soul . . . I'll never forgive him for that! Kikyo, I want my soul!"

Kikyo's purple glow became stronger and a blue shiny circle came floating by. Kikyo said something that heard like a spell and after that the soul and Kikyo both disappeared.

~*~

Inuyasha had given up searching and went back to the village. He couldn't do anything if he wouldn't find Kikyo. But he had search everywhere he thought she could be and didn't find her. But it didn't make sense: Kikyo hated him forever, so she must come someday to kill him, or at least make him feel guilty . . . It just didn't make sense, and Inuyasha was confused by it.

*The one time you need her, you can't find her . . .*

He got to Kaede's home and barged in. His eyes searched in the room for Kagome, but didn't find her. Where has her body gone? He quickly waked the others.

"Miroku, get up! Sango, Kaede-baba! Kagome is missing!" Inuyasha yelled, while shaking Miroku out of bed. 

"What did you say, Inuyasha? I was having a nice dream, why'd you wake me?"

"BECAUSE KAGOME IS MISSING YOU IDIOT!!!"

"What? Kagome-sama is missing? How can that be!"

"I don't know, I just got here!"

"Kagome can't be far away, Inuyasha. Maybe she had such a strong will she managed to get up and walk a couple of steps. But she can't be far. We have to look out for her." Kaede said and they all went outside to look for her. They split up. Sango went with Kaede and Miroku, 'cause they couldn't really defence themselves in the dark. Inuyasha went of on his own. He went on the way to the well, to see if Kagome went home by some reason. He found nothing in his way.

~*~

Kagome was walking in the forest. But she wasn't controlling her body . . . Kikyo was! Kikyo had changed her into her clothes and had put her hair tied like Kikyo used to. Difference of the original Kikyo was hard to tell. Kagome's body was walking back towards the village . . . 

~*~

Inuyasha considered going through the well. If Kagome managed too get home, she probably would be discovered by her family and would be safe. If she was still out in the Feudal Era she would be in great danger. He had to go look for her in his own time. He went back to the village to see if the others had found her yet. He was walking towards the village when he heard something. He listened carefully and heard footsteps and twitching twigs. He suddenly saw a 'white and red something' appear.

"Kikyo . . . Is it you?" he said, suddenly remembering it couldn't be her. It would be Kaede of course, together with Sango Shippo and Miroku.

"Inuyasha . . . You did remember me . . ." 

No, you didn't remember me. You don't recognise me . . . You should be able to tell the difference between us!!! You should be able to tell that it's me just in her clothes!!! Why can't you see it's me . . . And why did you help her get my soul . . . WHY!!!

"So it is you, Kikyo . . . I thought you vanished back then. I thought you said it was the end?"

"But I didn't say I'd rest in peace Inuyasha . . . "

"You've stolen Kagome's soul, ne? It's you . . ."

__

What? What's this game you're playing now, Inuyasha? What kind of trick is this all? Do you know it's me and try to let me believe something?

"Of course not, Inuyasha . . . YOU stole her soul . . ."

"What are you telling me? I know best what I did, Kikyo. You can't let me believe I took her soul . . ."

__

What is this? Why is this? What is the whole idea behind this, Inuyasha?

"I think you took my soul, Inuyasha . . ."

"YOUR soul? Your soul ain't missing! Quit the bullshit, Kikyo!"

__

I ain't Kikyo!!!

"Am I Kikyo, Inuyasha?"

"Of course you are! I've got eyes in my head! What is the whole idea behind this, Kikyo?"

"Again . . . Are you sure I'm Kikyo . . . And is it real, all the things you see . . ."

"What are you meaning by that! I don't get you. Give Kagome back her soul!"

"I've already given back her soul, Inuyasha . . ."

"Where is she, Kikyo?"

"She's right in front of you, Inuyasha . . . And she really wants to know why you took her soul for me . . ."

__

She's able to read my thoughts in here?

"Stop kidding, Kikyo. Where is she?"

"Like I said, right in front of you . . ."

"YOU are right in front of me. You ain't Kagome!"

__

I AM! I AM Kagome! Were not starting over again, ne? Do I have to tell you again?

"Looks can be deceiving, Inuyasha . . . Do you fully rely on your eyesight?"

"I'm not blind, Kikyo! If you want to mislead me, you gotta do better then this!"

__

Apparently not . . . Why can't you see? Have you already forgot how I look? How I differ from Kikyo?

"Do I have to do better then this? I don't think so, Inuyasha!"

"Look, you smell like Kagome, 'cause you took her soul from her! I'm not falling for anything, Kikyo! Tell me where Kagome is, now!"

"You KNOW where Kagome is . . . But do you want to see her? Or do you long to see me?

__

What is this, Kikyo? What are you up to? What do you want with my body?

"What is this crappy bullshit! Quit it now, Kikyo. I need to find Kagome, and I need her soul from you. Give it back!"

"She already has it back, Inuyasha. She's safe. You don't have to worry about her anymore . . ."

__

Of course you have to worry about me! I'm not safe, Kikyo has taken over me!!!

"She's safe? Really? I need to go check on her!"

"There's no need to go anywhere, Inuyasha. Kagome is here already . . ."

"But . . . Here's only you . . . Does that mean that . . ."

Finally getting it . . .

"Inuyasha. I'm Kikyo . . . But am I Kagome . . .?

"You are! You've taken her body!"

"With her permission. She didn't feel like living anymore, Inuyasha. She didn't feel as if she needed to come back. I'll live in her body. We can be happy . . ."

__

Of course I didn't gave you permission. I only said that I didn't feel I had to go back because you helped her get my soul . . . But did you?

"She gave you permission to be happy with me?"

__

Of course not!!!

"She did. Now choose, Inuyasha . . . You can still choose for Kagome . . . But she'll go back to her time and you'll see neither of us in your life again . . . It's your decision!"

~*~

What will Inuyasha do? It's up to him, now! What can Kagome do to stop Kikyo . . . Absolutely nothing . . . She can only watch Kikyo get Inuyasha now . . . Sorry if this was a bit to down for you guys, my life's a mess. I don't have time for anything but school, this week I've got six huge tests and I still got lessons 'till three or four o'clock. I'm good at school, but not in learning tests. It takes a lot of time if I don't get the thing it's about. Then I've got hobbies like this, and Wednesday and Thursday afternoon I'm not at home. That means studying in the evening! And then the boy of my dreams doesn't fall for me, nor does anyone EVER! In all of the thirteen and a half years I exist no one ever liked me good enough as a girlfriend . . . Is it just because I'm not so tall? I'm not fat, and they say I've got a pretty face but I'm just 1.55 meters. Worse is that boy falls for my friend! I don't blame her for being attractive, but . . . She already has a boyfriend. AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STUDY WHEN I'M SO DOWN!!! Oops, sorry, I shouldn't bother you nice readers with my stupid, pathetic life. I hope you find this fanfic less pathetic than my life . . . Anyway, if you review, I might continue doing this fanfic, I feel so totally down that I feel like breaking down and never get up again!


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry about my 'burst out' in the previous chapter. You don't know me and don't need to hear about it... Anyways, this is another chapter… And I hope you review a lot, 'cause if I don't get reviews fast I'm gonna quit this story. With only five reviews I don't feel like I have to go on writing… Though writing's quite good to make me feel better!

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 14

(Ending of the last chapter included…)

"There's no need to go anywhere, Inuyasha. Kagome is here already…"

"But… Here's only you… Does that mean that…"

__

Finally getting it…

"Inuyasha. I'm Kikyo… But am I Kagome…?

"You are! You've taken her body!"

"With her permission. She didn't feel like living anymore, Inuyasha. She didn't feel as if she needed to come back. I'll live in her body. We can be happy…"

__

Of course I didn't gave you permission. I only said that I didn't feel I had to go back because you helped her get my soul… But did you?

"She gave you permission to be happy with me?"

__

Of course not!!!

"She did. Now choose, Inuyasha… You can still choose for Kagome… But she'll go back to her time and you'll see neither of us in your life again… It's your decision!"

"But… What do you mean Kikyo? You mean Kagome still lives in her body?

"She won't go until you choose one of us, Inuyasha… Who are you really in love with?"

"I'm not in love with Kagome!"

__

What are you saying, stupid! She might kill me for that, you baka! Stupid! Jerk!

"Then, you choose for me… It'll be so…"

Again the purple light came around Kikyo… (I really love that, don't I…)

"Mateo! Kikyo! I didn't… I wouldn't…"

"You can't stop me, Inuyasha… If you hadn't chosen for me I still wouldn't let her live as a replacement for what I was… 'Cause that's what she actually is to you, ne?"

__

Inuyasha! Help me! I'm dying in here! I can feel her destroy me, bit by bit! Please help me! Please stop her! Just… DO SOMETHING!!!

"A… replacement?"

__

I am? I am?! What about the good times we had sometimes… between fights… Was that just because I… Because you needed Kikyo?! Why would I live for you! Jerk! Asshole! I hate you!

"Yes, she was… But now I'm here… You don't have to worry about that girl anymore. You don't have to save her anymore. Don't have to protect her. Let's get this thing over with!"

The light became so bright Inuyasha couldn't really stand to look at it. 

"We can be together now Inuyasha! Forever! Ever!"

"But Kikyo… Wait… She isn't…"

Kagome didn't even hear what he was trying to say anymore. She just gave up. Kikyo was better than her, and will be better than her. Her family would think she died in Feudal Japan, and would never forgive Inuyasha. But what would that matter. If only… If only she hadn't believed Kikyo… Inuyasha might had saved her… Might… But… It doesn't matter anymore…

"Kikyo! She wasn't a replacement! She was a totally different person from you! She wasn't like you at all! Kikyo! Stop it!"

"I can only stop it if Kagome wants to live. But she has given up all hope. She doesn't want to live. And she was a replacement. She was. You don't want to admit it, but all the time you wanted to see me again. Not her. She wasn't important to you. She just made you think of me…"

"It's not true Kikyo! I… She was different from you…"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Inuyasha… She's gone."

"WHAT!!! You bitch! You just… You just…" Inuyasha fell down on his knees. He had had so much to tell her… Words never to be spoken again.

*Kagome… I'm so scared… I'm so scared… For once in my life, I don't know what to do… I really don't know! Please forgive me I didn't get you back… Forgive my faults… Please forgive me all the times I fought with you… Please… I want to make it up with you… I wanted to… Chikusho!!! DAMMIT!!! FUCK IT!!!*

"Inuyasha… What are you doing in the mud? You'll never be there again. The rosary has lost its power…"

"Fuck it, Kikyo! I don't care! I don't mind! Why would I? You destroyed my whole life, first by shooting me, now by taking Kagome away from me! Why can't you just leave me alone! Why can't you just be dead!!!"

"Deal with it, Inuyasha… You've only got me left. The others, the monk the taijia and the kitsune, would never forgive you. What are you planning to tell them?"

"I'll them the whole truth! I'll tell them what you did to Kagome and we'll help each other through! I don't need you!"

"But you do, Inuyasha… Don't you think they'll find it strange I'm here, all of a sudden? And that you never did anything to get Kagome back? You said you'd tell the whole truth… But then they'll never want to see you again!"

"Of course I can explain them! You just… You just twist every single fact to get your way! Why can't you for once take it, YOU'RE DEAD!!!"

"I'm not dead anymore, Inuyasha. I'm pretty much alive…"

"Go away, Kikyo! I never want to see you again in my entire life! That is if you can call it a life, after all you did to me! It's more like HELL!!!"

"Get over it, Inuyasha. Don't you think it's smarter to stay friendly with me? 'Cause you aren't sure of what the others will think of you… You traitor…"

"Don't you DARE call ME a traitor, after all you've been doing! Who do you think is the traitor around here, huh? It's you, you fucking bitch!!!"

"But who can prove what really happened? It's only your story and with Kagome missing… And me around here… Rather weird facts, ne? Inuyasha?

"They'll believe me! They will! They should!"

"But you can't tell what'll happen if they don't believe you… Are you ready to die, Inuyasha?"

"I don't care if I die! Maybe it's even better then!"

"If you don't care that you'll die… I might finish you of now!"

"Come and get it, Kikyo! You can't win of me!"

"But aren't you forgetting something, Inuyasha?"

"What should I be forgetting?"

"Don't forget whose body this is…"

*Shit! If I… I can wish Kagome back with the Shikon… But Kikyo has to restore it, and if I can wish Kagome back… She'll need her body!*

"Get my point, Inuyasha? Still think it's better to get rid of me? Don't think so, ne?"

"You fucking bitch! Forget that I ever saw YOU in Kagome!"

"You can't forget that, Inuyasha. That is the whole point. I'm to important to you!"

"Not anymore, Kikyo. I now see what I've done and I must face it. But I'll never be with you, ever!"

"We'll see about that, Inuyasha. You still need me for something, don't you think?"

"Forget it, Kikyo. Go to hell! I'm going to tell the gang, and they will accept it, and we'll get each other through! That's one thing I've learned of being with Kagome!"

"They never will accept it, and they'll never forget, Inuyasha…"

"It doesn't matter, as long as I am as far away as possible from you, I'm okay! And second, Kikyo, they around as easy to convince as I once was!"

Inuyasha walked off, leaving Kikyo alone. It couldn't get into her stupid brain that Inuyasha might be right about his friends. Forgiving wasn't in her dictionary…

~*~

Well, guys, this was the fourteenth chapter. I know how I can continue, but you don't… Maybe it'll be IY/Kikyo pairing after all… What will it become? And what will become of Inuyasha when he tells the story? And will he be able to stop a certain Kitsune from drowning in his own tears? We'll see… Please review so I can have the feeling you actually appreciate my story… Sayonara, I'll update ASAP, in other words, I'll write as fast as I can!


	15. Chapter 15

You want it to be Inu/Kag as much as I do, ne? Be happy, I hate Kikyo more than my history-teacher… And that is rare, my friend! I'm not going in further details, let's just say he's a total jerk! Kikyo doesn't even deserve to be in Kagome's body! It just so happened to get that way in the story… Anyway, I'll start now… The song is Kagome's POV, because she had to be doing something this chapter… It's Avril Lavigne's Too Much To Ask, I've made it a little different so it would fit, I hope you don't mind.

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 15

It's the first time I ever felt this lonely

I wish someone would cure this pain

It's funny, when you think it's gonna work out

Then you choose her over me, you're so lame

I thought you were a friend until the point

Up until the point you didn't choose me when you said you would

Finally figured out you're still the same

Always coming up with some kinda story

But every time I tried to make you smile

You'd always feel sorry for yourself

And every time I tried to make you laugh

You stood like a stone

Alone in your zone

It was to much that I asked you for

Inuyasha was too afraid too knock at the door of Kaede's house. They were all in there… But what will they think?

*What if Kikyo was right? What if they don't believe me or think I did it on purpose? Where can I go then? Where will my destination be?*

He gathered all of his courage and opened the door. He saw the hopeful faces of his friends. He had to disappoint them. He had to tell them, and shatter their hope. 

*I can never get her back. Kikyo needs to reform the Tama, but if she does, I'll never get my hands on it. It's just no use… It isn't! I'll hate myself for the rest of my pathetic life…*

"What's up, Inuyasha? Have you found Kagome?" Miroku asked.

"I haven't found her… But I-I have to tell you something…"

"What is more important then Kagome at this moment, Inuyasha?" Sango said.

"Nothing. That's the point. Please listen to me and don't judge me right away…"

"What is it, Inuyasha? It can't be that bad." Kaede said.

"It is… You'll hate me."

"First tell the story, then we'll see if we hate you for it."

Inuyasha told them every single detail. When he was finished, they all had a serious expression at their face.

"This isn't good, Inuyasha. Only Kikyo-neesama can bring Kagome back to her body, and I don't think she'll do that."

"Yeah, I thought that too, and If I want to bring her back with the Shikon, Kikyo has to reform it. No one else can. And if she does that in the first place, how will I ever be able to take the jewel from her then?"

"She's not the only one who can reform the Tama."

"She isn't? But who else can reform the jewel? Is it you, Kaede-sama?" Sango gasped.

"No. It isn't me. I haven't got the power to form the jewel. I'm not good enough. But I have an idea that might just work."

"How are we gonna reform the jewel without Miko-powers, Kaede-baba?"

"I think I know!" Shippo jumped into the conversation.

"You do?!" they all asked, amazed about the fact the little Kitsune actually knew something that could be useful.

"Remember the time we fought Hiten and Manten?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Hiten and Manten?" Miroku and Sango asked.

"We hadn't met you guys back then."

"Anyways, the point is this: when Hiten was defeated, his shards and those from Manten had become one big shard, didn't they?"

"Of course they did! Shippo, for once in your life you're not as annoying as you seem!"

****

BAF

Shippo had hit Inuyasha on the head.

"What was that for, you little brat!"

"For calling me annoying and for letting Kikyo take over Kagome's body!"

"O yeah, you guys… Why aren't you mad at me? I've done the stupidest thing in the world!"

"We won't have to be mad at you, Inuyasha. You'll have to deal with Kagome when we have found a way to get her back…" Kaede said.

"Yeah, WHEN we get her back…" the little Kitsune sighed. "Why did you have to be so stubborn in admitting your feelings, Inuyasha?" 

"I am NOT stubborn and I don't have FEELINGS!!!"

"I don't think he learned anything from it, Sango…" Miroku whispered in her ear.

Sango nodded. "He never learns anything of his mistakes…"she whispered in reply.

"And what are you to lovebirds whispering to each other?" Shippo said, not aware of his stupidity… 

"ME? With HIM?! I can get way better!!! I don't need some lecher that wants me only for my ass!!!"

"Alright, alright… But I still think you guys are in-"

"SHUT UP!!!"

"Back to the point here!"

"YOUR lover" Shippo said, causing Inuyasha to hit him on the head.

"Why don't you shut up, if you're so smart!"

"But-"

"NO BUT'S!!!" Miroku, Sango and Inuyasha yelled at him. Shippo's hair stood up strait after that…

"Anyway, if we can reform the Tama by that, everything will be okay."

"I don't think it'll be okay after that, Inuyasha. I mean, not in real life. Kagome knows everything. And you think it'll all be okay?" Sango shot at him.

"I- No. Of course it'll not be okay. Kikyo was right in one point: she'll go home immediately and I'll see neither of them ever again."

"But they're not the same, Inuyasha. Nee-sama thinks she understands Kagome fully because she is her reincarnation. But Nee-sama will always think different, because Kagome is from another time, and she has faced other things in life. I don't think she'll go home, I mean, not forever."

"Do you mean that, Kaede-baba?"

"Of course I mean that. Why would I give you false hope?"

"Never mind. I still think she'd go home and never wants to see me again in her life."

"You shouldn't let that determine if you want to get her back. You pay to much attention to the things she might do. You'd better get her back and see what she does for real."

"You're right, Kaede-baba. But who is gonna form the jewel?"

"I think it's best if you do it yourself, Inuyasha. This is something you have to do yourself."

"Do you think I'll come out normal? I mean, you have to get the jewel out of me again."

"I hope you stay yourself. That way you could get the Tama out yourself."

"I'll go get the shards from Kagome's backpack."

Inuyasha stood up, glad that he had told them, glad he could get Kagome back.

*I do love you Kagome, I do. Though I might never say it out loud, I hope you can hear my thoughts. I hope we can get you back. I hope you'll forgive me. I hope this works. I hope… I just hope everything will be okay…* 

~*~

That's it for this chapter. I think I figured out why I got only five reviews for the first thirteen chapters… As you know I live in the Netherlands and the time is different here. So I'll try to post late in the evening so that you can read it in the afternoon. Get my point? Anyway, I've got 2 reviews for the previous chapter so I hope you'll review again for this chapter, then I can be happy!!! ^.^ ^.~ *-* I'm so hoping I'll get twenty reviews for this story once… 

Can pictures be shown on FF.net???

Picture below…


	16. Chapter 16

The sixteenth chapter! I can't believe it! Anyway, back to the story: I think I'll put in a lyric for Kagome at the beginning of every chapter. She deserves to be referred to! By the way, the song's of Iron Maiden.

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 16

Unchain the colours before my eyes,  
Yesterday's sorrows, tomorrow's white lies.  
Scan the horizon, the clouds take me higher,  
I shall return from out of fire.  
  
Tears for remembrance, and tears for joy,  
Tears for somebody and this lonely boy.  
Out in the madness, the all Seeing Eye,  
Flickers above us, to light up the sky.  
  
Unchain the colours before my eyes,  
Yesterday's sorrows, tomorrow's white lies.  
Scan the horizon, the clouds take me higher,  
I shall return from out of fire.

Inuyasha went outside. He saw Kagome's backpack thrown against the wall and got a sting in his heart. It looked just like she would come back. As if nothing had happened, and everything was all right. It wasn't. It would never be. Things were worse than they should be able to get. The future was as black as never before. But in the black was a little point of white. If they could get the Shikon no Tama to reform without the help of Kikyo, there was a small chance. A very small chance. But a real chance. And it was all they got to hang on to. He had to do it. He had to proof he cared about her. He had to admit his mistake. He found the shards in her bag and went back inside. He had to discuss this with everyone, and they would have to figure every exact detail. Else their little chance would be gone. Kikyo would find them busy and then everything was ruined. Gone… 

He went back into the hut and saw them sitting just as usual. He saw the empty spot again. Kagome's place. Empty forever… if they ruined this chance. 

"So ehm… What are we gonna do exactly, Kaede-baba?" he finally said.

"I suggest you put the shards of the jewel somewhere, or swallow them, but that would be hard to get out. I don't think it's good to put them inside your head, your brain might be controlled."

"Alright. How long will it take it to reform again?"

"I don't know. But I think you should be able to feel it. I don't think it'll be painless, or without feeling. Have you ever used a shard, Inuyasha?"

"No. I never used any of its power. Houshi, how does it feel?"

"It'll feel different with you, Inuyasha. First, I am human, and second am I not as strong as you are. You have to try it. But don't ever let it take over you. I don't know how powerful it'll be."

"Okay… so here we go…" he said as he pushed the shards in his arm. He suddenly felt a huge power flowing in him. 

*Kagome… I hope this'll work… I really do… I'll do anything for you…*

"Inuyasha… Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah… I just need to breathe. These shards can take over your brain if you take them to fast." Inuyasha said, looking at the shards in his arm. They weren't reforming. Nothing happened. 

*Aren't we forgetting something? The Tama was reformed when… when Hiten was killed. He was dead, and the shards were all that remained of him. Maybe they only reform when… when the carrier is killed!*

"Chikusho! Shippo, you forgot that Hiten was killed when the shards formed a big piece together. I think it only reforms when the carrier dies! Don't you think?"

"Inuyasha, calm down. It may take awhile before it is reformed. Don't expect it to happen so fast."

"But, Kaede-baba, if this doesn't work, we can't get Kagome back! And this doesn't seem to work! I've messed things up! I've ruined everything! I should die! I should! Then the Tama will reform and Kagome can return! Then I can finally do something to get everything back to normal! Before I messed everything up! Before everything went wrong!!!"

"Calm down, Inuyasha. Calm down. Look at your arm. What do you see?"

"I see fucking shards of a jewel I was supposed to be reforming! It didn't work! Kill me, Sango! It needs to be done for the sake of Kagome!"

"What! You expect me to kill you?! No way, you can solve your problems differently!"

"Sango is right, Inuyasha. You didn't look closely enough. Don't you see they move towards each other? It just needs time, Inuyasha. Just time. If you wait a couple of days it'll be reformed. Just be patient and don't let the shards take over you."

"But… But what if it doesn't work?"

"Then we'll think of something else. But you don't have to worry about that now."

"But…"

"No buts, Inuyasha. If you want to get Kagome back, this is the way. That's what you want, right?"

"Of course it is!"

"Then be patient and wait."

*I can feel that the shards influent me… They want me to kill myself… Or is it me who really wants that deep down inside and do the shards just bring it up? I don't know… I really don't…*

__

You need to be punished for what you've done, Inuyasha…

"Huh, what?"

"I said you should be patient and that you should wait."

"No, no… after that!"

"I didn't say anything after that."

"Please stop bugging me, okay! Who said that!"

"None of us said anything, Inuyasha."

__

You need to be punished for what you've done, Inuyasha…

"There! Now who said that!"

"It was completely quiet, Inuyasha. Are you going crazy?"

*Am I going crazy? Am I? I can't go crazy at the moment everyone needs me the most! But _I need to be punished for what I've done_*

"I need to be punished for what I've done…"

"Huh? What do you mean, Inuyasha?" Miroku said.

"I need to be punished for what I've done…" Inuyasha said. His eyes were empty and his hands reached for Tessaiga. It was obvious what he was trying to do…

"Inuyasha! Stop it!" Sango yelled, while grabbing his arm, _the _arm, the one with all the shards in it, the one that was hoping to grab Tessaiga. "You can't kill yourself! You aren't gonna get out of this one, buddy!"

"But I need to be punished for what I've done!"

"We'll punish you later. Kagome will, indeed. But you can't back out on us now!"

"But I need to punish myself!"

"DO IT LATER!!!"

Suddenly Inuyasha fell back down on the ground. He didn't twitch. His arm started to glow…

~*~

What will happen next? What had gotten into Inuyasha? And how will San-chan ever continue this story when she doesn't even has time to do nice thing with her friends??? The last question is one I can't answer, but the other ones are all soon to be answered… if I find some time to do it!


	17. Poem

Sorry for the delay guys, but I was very busy with school and my other 'hobbies' (school isn't exactly a hobby to me…) such as table tennis and I play the clarinet. So… I was busy! Anyways, This is just going to be a short poem, Kagome's POV, 'cause I'm STILL busy… -_-'

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Poem

I thought you grew over it

I thought I could…

I thought I could trust you

I thought you would've learned

I thought too much

I found out you're still doubting me

Still doubting the future… 

Our future

Did you choose her on purpose?

Or was it just a reflex…

Did you think it over?

Did you want to turn back…

Back to better times?

I find myself being thrown from opinion to opinion

Which of them is my own?

What am I going to do if I ever come back?

What am I going to do when I stay here…

Forever?

Are you trying to get me back?

Or are you trying to forget me?

Are you trying the best you can?

The best, the best for you and Kikyo…

Are you with her?

I see myself

Reflected as a fool

Why do I still doubt you?

Why do I doubt myself too?

I should have faith

I should stand up

Try to make it better

Or actually you should

I can't do anything since…

Since you abandoned me…

'Cause that's what you did

It doesn't matter

Doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not

You can't turn back time…

You can try to do something about it…

But is that what you want?

Or are you happy…

Glad that I'm gone?

Are you… 

Or are we…

I think it's us…

I think we make the problems

But we can also make the problems disappear…

If you try

If I try

We might be able to look each other in the eyes again

That is…

If I can forgive you

If I'll be able to trust you again

If I…

If _you_ ever get me back…

~*~

Well, tell me what you think about it! I need to get reviews! The poem became a bit longer than expected, but that's cool, ne? Anyways, I really will try to post sooner now… Ja ne!


	18. Chapter 17

Hey everyone! I hope this story will be getting somewhere someday… Because this is the seventeenth chapter of a story that could be 101 stories… -_-' Again, I tell you this, this story was supposed to be a ONE-SHOT (can you imagine it???) from Inuyasha's POV (I'm getting more and more Kagome's POV… -_-') I failed to make that story, but this is cool too… Anywayz, on with the story… The lyric is Nothing Else Matters of Metallica.

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 17

So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know

So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say  
Never cared for games they play  
Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
And I know  
  
So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
No nothing else matters

Kikyo sat with her back against the well. This was the place Kagome always came out… Would she be able to go through it now? It didn't matter. What use is it to know where the girl came from? She doesn't exist anymore… Kikyo smirked. Now, Inuyasha missed Kagome, but soon he'll have forgotten her. The real thing always wins over the fake. This kind of wisdom is always true… For Kikyo. 

She figured Inuyasha would fall back to her. Inuyasha would forget about the reincarnation. Didn't he himself say he didn't love her? He wouldn't have said such a thing about herself, Kikyo. Kikyo, who he always longed for… 

~*~

Inuyasha lay in the hut. His arm hurt and he was dizzy. He wanted to know what was going on, and so he tried to get up. 

*Dammit! These shards are supposed to give me power! They're supposed to make me the strongest youkai in the entire world! Why do they hurt me so much!*

"What the…" he said in a sigh.

"So you're awake. You've got more willpower than I thought…"

"What do you mean, Kaede-baba? And why does it hurt so much?"

"The shards were taking over your feelings. They made them far more longing. You wanted to kill yourself. And it's hurting so much because you don't do this for yourself. That means you hold the shard without the desire to be powerful, or just to live. You do this for Kagome. The jewel always rises some power of you. Now it's not physically, but mentally. It hurts because you won the battle inside, you wanted to kill yourself, but didn't."

"And how would you know that…"

"I've learned my little something. And it's not hard to figure."

"Keh! Could figure it myself too… I just wanted to if you weren't fake smart!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Inuyasha shoved the sleeve of his arm. He gasped at the site of it.

"Kaede-baba! Look!"

"Ah, that's interesting… The shards are getting closer to reform…"

"Yeah… How long do you think it will take?"

"Not too long, but not very quick, Inuyasha. You've got to be patient."

Without saying a word, Inuyasha stood up and walked to the door. 

"I don't think that's smart, Inuyasha."

"Why not, houshi? If I have to be patient I'm gonna be, but not in company."

"Do you think you'll be left alone with the whole Tama in your arm…"

"Sango, I can take care of myself!"

"He wants to be alone so he can think about Kagome!!!" Shippo suddenly said.

~BAF~

"Shippo!!! Just fuck off okay!!!" he said, and walked out of the door.

*Stupid Kitsune! If I say I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna wait. And why would go and think about Kagome… It's not that I wanna bring her back, is it? I do it for them… I do it for THEM… Not for me… She doesn't mean anything to me… No, she means _everything_ to me…*

He wanted to go to the well. He didn't know why (or did he?) he wanted to go there, but he couldn't think of another place to go. When he got almost up there, he suddenly smelled something… Kagome?

*Is it Kagome? Stupid! Of course not… It's Kikyo… I'd better go back to the others*

"Inuyasha. Do you think you can sneak away from me while you got so much shards in your arm…"

"Kikyo…"

*Shit, forgot. She must have felt me coming…*

"What are you doing with those shards, Inuyasha…?"

"I… Non of your business, Kikyo!"

"You can be honest with me, Inuyasha… After all, " she said as she got up, "That's what we're supposed to… As every couple…"

*NANI?!! COUPLE??*

"We're not a couple, Kikyo. I wonder if we ever were."

"Of course we were… And we are, Inuyasha. It's fait…"

"It isn't fait. It's you. I don't think you're fait."

"Don't you wanna be with me… Inuyasha?"

Kikyo wrapped her arms around him. She still didn't think Inuyasha would've had the guts to tell his friends, or that his 'friends' could forgive him.

"Kikyo…"

Inuyasha looked into her eyes, but didn't saw Kikyo. He saw Kagome. It were Kagome's eyes… Not Kikyo's… 

"I hate you, Kikyo." he suddenly said.

"What did you say, Inuyasha?"

"I said I hate you, Kikyo." he said while getting her arms of him.

"WHAT did you say… INUYASHA?" she said, and her eyes almost flamed. How could this possibly be? Inuyasha should forget about Kagome and stay with her. Apparently not…

"I hate you, Kikyo. You destroyed my whole life. At first we were friends. Close friends… But Naraku misled you… If we were a couple you would've maybe thought it wasn't me. You really believed it was me… So you shot me. When I finally got something of a life, you get here, and take Kagome's soul. You took her away from me… Why do you want to destroy me?"

"I hate you too, Inuyasha! You should never have fallen in love with my reincarnation! If you didn't really fall in love with me… How can you fall in love with a fake! You betrayed me, Inuyasha… You'll make me die for the third time… I know what you're trying to do! But your not gonna live to do it!"

*Shit… She's got her bow with her… She… She can and will kill me if I don't do something…*

"Kikyo… How can I let you die for the third time if I didn't let you die the first time. I really didn't mean to break up in such a way. If you said we had something…"

"Inuyasha! You'll be at the same spot, but now forever!"

"Inuyasha looked behind him and saw the Goshinboku-tree… And when he turned he saw a pink light coming at him…

~*~

Cliff-hanger! What will happen to Inuyasha? And will he ever get Kagome back if he survives. Will he no longer deny to himself that he loves Kagome? And will that stupid Kitsune finally shut up? If I post soon, you'll know soon… If I post slow… You might never know ^.~ Nah.. I'll post! 


	19. Chapter 18

Whew, I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting for so long, but I didn't have enough time to get to it. Now I've got HOLIDAYS I can finish this story in a million ways… What will it be? Oww and I will post the first 8 chapters in HTML format because of the triple dots that don't show up. I'll post one a night (thihi… I'm cheating) so you readers will have less troubles reading… ^.^

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 18

Kikyo shot. Inuyasha saw the pink light coming closer and closer. It was as in a dream. Slowly the arrow came closer. Inuyasha relived history again. He saw Kikyo looking at him, the same hatred in her eyes… As if it was yesterday… Yesterday…

*Kagome… I can't give up now… I can't die on you now! Not now, when I've realised the true things that matter and mattered before…*

Suddenly he felt the shards in his arm. Without thinking he moved his arm in front of himself. Was it the Tama that had controlled him? Or did he just act in disparity? The only thing that matters is that the arrow didn't hit him. It disappeared in his arm…

"What!!! This can't be happening… Seriously! I've guarded you for so long! I died protecting you! And this is what I get?!"

"Are you talking 'bout me?"

"You were burned with me, my last try to protect you from evil. To make you sure your power wouldn't help wrong intentions!"

Inuyasha noticed she talked to the Shikon. She didn't notice the things that were happening around her anymore. She was blinded by rage, blinded because the things didn't go her way.

*Did she talk to it before? When she was lonely? Did she see it as a person, as if it had a soul? This is getting weird. I never thought she would suffer so much from being lonely. I thought she was like me. Strong, bold and hard to be friends with. But she suffered real hard. She's more like Kagome. They are so much alike. Outside… but inside too…*

"What did I do that I have to live like this!!!!!!!!"

"Kikyo! Kikyo! Listen to me! Kikyo!" Inuyasha shaked her. She just yelled up into the air, as if there was some higher power she blamed everything on.

"Kikyo, listen to me! LISTEN TO ME!" Suddenly he slapped her in the face. She calmed a bit and stared sheepishly into the depths of nothingness. 

"Kikyo… You should rest in peace, not relive your life again and again. That's not right. You'll eventually get a circle you'll relive again and again. There is nothing to change in your past life. You can't turn back time and start over again."

"But I must… I need to live… Because I never had a life… Except guarding the stupid jewel!"

"Kikyo… It all went terribly wrong, but you can't do anything about it. There is nothing to be done about it. You'll only feel more and more pain, because you can't turn things right. Please don't be like this and rest for once…"

"I won't… I can't… I will… I should change it… I must…"

"Kikyo… You can't like the way things have been since that old witch has revived you. You have to face it… You are dead. The true Kikyo is dead. She has to rest… Think about yourself… I'll have to force you when you don't want to go…"

Inuyasha went of, back to the others. He had lots to think about. Kagome, Kikyo and how the were alike. They seemed alike from the outside, but when he got to know Kagome, it seemed the differed a lot… But know it seemed they were almost exactly alike. With online one difference… Their openness towards friends. Kagome showed her true self… Kikyo didn't. That's why it seemed the only bond was that they were relatives, as could be seen with the eyes… Inuyasha felt more an more guilty, because he understood Kikyo… She didn't want things to go this way…

*Kikyo… I hope you'll take the decision yourself… 'Cause I don't know if I'll be willing to force you with the power of the Tama…*

Finally he got to the hut of Kaede. The others were sitting as before. He realised he hadn't been of for a long time.

"Inuyasha? I thought you took of?" a puzzled Miroku asked.

"I ran into Kikyo."

"You did? I'm glad I see you standing here!" Sango vowed.

"Why does everything has to be this complicated?" he said while getting down against the corner wall.

"You'll get through it, Inuyasha. Stay yourself and you'll survive the maze…" 

"But the maze has so much different exits…"

"You will choose the right one, Inuyasha. I'm sure of that."

"But how can I be sure of that, I made to much mistakes."

"Listen to your heart and think it over. You'll know best what is the choice to make."

"Yeah… Whatever…"

~*~

Kikyo still sat on her knees, breathing heavily. Even the jewel betrayed her. Even a neutral thing rejected her and treated her like she was a bad guy. Like she had bad intentions with the jewel. Was living wrong for her? Was it evil for her to live? She didn't understand why the jewel protected Inuyasha. Why would it protect someone who was half youkai, which equals half evil? Did it choose for…Kagome?

Did it choose for her?

Did it choose for Inuyasha?

Did it feel she wasn't good enough?

Did it feel Inuyasha had to be with Kagome…?

Like she had felt that…

…from the very beginning…

~*~

Well, what do you think? It's a bit short, but I'm having a little problems to tell my ideas in detail, and not in to long chapters. I expect the next chapter to be a bit longer as normal, so I had to stop it here. Anyway, you know I like reviews… I had figured to say here that I had more chapters then reviews… But then I got so much reviews I didn't have more chapters then reviews… So I'm happy… But there is no limit to reviews! So please do! And, you might know I'm a girl from the Netherlands, 13.5 years (I'm very proud of the .5) and I'm 157 cm long… Why do I tell you? Because I like to email with one of you readers! I think it will be fun, I mean, most of my friends don't even know what 'anime' or 'manga' is… -_-' Pretty hard to talk about the latest series… So if you feel I might be a nice friend… Tell me in a review and I'll email you!!! YAY!!! Last warning… I can be pretty annoying if I like something… Do you recall jumping around the room, dancing and shouting, for example: 'Kazana!!!' or 'Kaze no Kizu!!!' ? Then you should email me! Then we can get weird together… -_-'


	20. Chapter 19

The nineteenth chapter. It's pretty weird, I never thought I would write in chapters, and especially not this MUCH chapters. So how do you enjoy the story? Do you think I'm getting this to complicated? Or am I off-character? I don't know… I just write a story that I think is nice… Anyway, I thought I'd write this chapter right away, now I have the time to. Oww and I'm sorry, I re-checked my previous chapter, it was full of errors. I typed it to fast… Anyway, on with the story!

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And special thanks to: Christopher Burt for helping me with my errors, since English is my second language! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 19

"Kaede-baba! Come and see! The Shikon no Tama is whole again!!!"

"Really… It worked. I doubted that for a long time…"

"But how are we gonna get it out, I mean, just pull or something?" 

"I guess so, Sango. Inuyasha must get it out himself."

"I can do that, houshi! Don't doubt my strength…"

"Oww! Macho-guy! Show-off!"

"Relax, Sango! It worked, so getting it out wont be to hard."

"Inuyasha likes to think it won't be hard 'cause he'll get his lover back…"

"SHIPPO!!! I'm doing this for…"

"Us, I know… But you wouldn't do it if there wasn't something in there for you…"

"Shut up, houshi! Be glad I'm doing it for ya!"

"Quit the nonsense. Now get it out please, I'm an old woman and I don't have another century to live…"

"Okay… Here goes nothing…"

Inuyasha took a deep breath and got his claw in his right arm. After a few seconds of quietness he took the glass, pink ball out of his arm. It had reformed…

"Yes! It worked!!! It worked! You did it, Inuyasha!"

"I did it… I did it! Yes!"

Kaede looked at the happy group and couldn't help but smile. They were so happy that they could get Kagome back. The happiest person was Inuyasha, though he didn't show it now. But Kaede knew the hardest part still had to come. How would Kagome react when she got back in her body?

"I know you're all happy, I'm too, but there is one thing: Kagome isn't back yet, and there are still things that'll be hard. Harder than this has been."

"Why, Kaede? We'll get Kagome back and then she can be my mommy again!!"

"It's not that simple, Shippo. Inuyasha, you understand, don't you? You've got a long road ahead of you before things get right. Kagome is hurt, and not a little too. She might even go straight back to her time when she gets back. It's what you make out of it, Inuyasha."

"But Kaede-baba… She can't be to mad at me, I mean…"

"She is. No matter if it wasn't supposed to happen, if it wasn't really your fault. She was soul-dead for a couple of days… She doesn't know what has happened here, she only knows what you said last to Kikyo… And you know what that is…"

__

Flashback

"Inuyasha… Who are you really in love with?"

"I'm not in love with Kagome!"

"Then, you choose for me… It'll be so…"

Again the purple light came around Kikyo…

"Mateo! Kikyo! I didn't… I wouldn't…"

"You can't stop me, Inuyasha… If you hadn't chosen for me I still wouldn't let her live as a replacement for what I was… 'Cause that's what she actually is to you, ne?"

"A… replacement?"

"Yes, she was… But now I'm here… You don't have to worry about that girl anymore. You don't have to save her anymore. Don't have to protect her. Let's get this thing over with!"

The light became so bright Inuyasha couldn't really stand to look at it. 

"We can be together now Inuyasha! Forever! Ever!"

"But Kikyo… Wait… She isn't…"

__

End Flashback

"Get it, Inuyasha? The last thing she heard you say probably was that she was a replacement and that you didn't love her. The things she always suspected. There was no reason to live anymore so she gave up. If she hadn't given up there is a chance she'd be alive now. Don't make those mistakes again…"

"But, Kaede…"

"Just an advice for you. And you'd better listen to it if you want things to go right…"

Inuyasha closed his eyes and thought deeply. Kaede was right about Kagome's feelings. She would probably hate him for the rest of her life… If she ever got back, that is…

*Why do things have to go this way? Why can't Kikyo stop reviving? It'll only get things worse and more complicated. And why did I have to deny I love Kagome at the moment I needed to tell my true feelings? That was the biggest mistake in my life. Now I don't know what I should do about it: I'm not sure I have the power to get Kikyo out of Kagome's body. I want to, but on the other hand… This sucks! Why can't I admit to myself that there was nothing between Kikyo and me? I said it to her. I thought I understood and that I agreed to that. I thought I finally understood things as they were and what really happened… But I thought that before. Why do I still doubt the choice I'm making? Why do I have to make that choice? Can't someone else make sure I'm doing this right? I know I should chose for Kagome… It's obvious. Kikyo is only a mere reflection of what she once was. She isn't like she was before… Like we used to be. She went totally insane! But still… Can I just pretend there's nothing that holds me to get her out of Kagome's body? If I wish Kagome back with the Shikon no Tama… I have to do it with all my soul. I can't afford that nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me to let Kikyo stay. I can't afford that when I make my wish… I might make a fatal mistake again, but then it can't be corrected. I can't afford doubts in my mind. I must really support the choice I'm make, for the total, everything! No doubts… I know I'm gonna blow it… I just know… Kagome, would you please forgive me if I do? I want you to come back to me and I know I made a big mistake before. I also know I'm probably going to make another big mistake. I know now… I choose for you, I need you. I don't need Kikyo in my life, I need you. I need you… I know I need you. I know I will get things right, I will make up to you. I'll correct my mistakes and everything can be as it should be…*

Inuyasha opened his eyes. He saw the pitch-black night outside and looked around to find Kaede looking at him.

"Do you know what you are gonna do, Inuyasha?"

"I know, Kaede-baba. I know what I had to do before and I know what I should do now."

"The only problem is you have to agree with that choice."

"I know… I figured that out. I don't know if I can fully represent that choice. I don't know if I'll be able to do that."

"You will, Inuyasha. Just believe in yourself and don't give up. You might have been a bit confused after you met with Kikyo-oneesama. But that should direct you to your choice. Everything will have [an] influence, but deep down inside you know what to do, Inuyasha."

"I just doubt that I have enough willpower to show my choice. I don't know if I can handle this."

"Don't doubt yourself, Inuyasha. I know you can do it… Though it might take a while before you'll be ready…"

"Let's get to sleep. I've thought enough about it tonight. I know what I will do."

Inuyasha walked out the door and Kaede saw him getting up a tree.

"I just hope you are certain of your choice. You've got enough problems as it is now…"

(AN: Just a lyric I think fits Inuyasha… It's from Krezip, named Gentle)

__

Don't you worry, enough should be enough

I try to hear it, but nothing works at all

So please be gentle, it's better to leave me alone

'Cause nothing's working

All I do is cry

I cry, cry, cry

Sometimes it feels like it rains on me day and night

I can't make up my mind

Losing my head, finding worries instead

Sometimes just nothing goes right

Sometimes just nothing feels right

So it won't get out if I stay like this

So all I can do is to just get up for now, wake up

So please be gentle, it's better to leave me alone

'Cause nothings working

All I do is cry

I cry, cry, cry

Sometimes it feels like it rains on me day and night

I can't make up my mind

Losing my head, finding worries instead

Sometimes just nothing goes right

Sometimes just nothing feels right

Take your time now

Try to be away

I want to hear it

But I feel so awfully small

So I cry, cry, cry

Sometimes it feels like it rains on me day and night

I can't make up my mind

Losing my head, finding worries instead

Sometimes just nothing goes right

Sometimes just nothing feels right

~*~

So, was that a long enough chapter? Or do you think my chapters are TOO long… I don't know. I just try to wake up the REVIEWSPIRIT with you guys. If you don't agree with anything of the story PLEASE review… I like reviews… I live on reviews… ^.~


	21. Chapter 20

Heya Minna-san!!! I'm having a bit of a problem with my server, modem or whatever. The point is I can't get to the pages I want to. Irritating! I couldn't even OPEN my starting page a couple of days ago. All I got was I should refresh the page… -_-' I like surfing if it works!!! L I can't update fast like this!!! ARGH!!! Anywayz… On with the story… If I can get it on FF.net that is…

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 20 (!!!)

Inuyasha woke up. He saw it was still night, as it was dark all around him. Tomorrow would be the New Moon. He would get human. He'd probably miss Kagome more then ever. Would he try to… to wish her back right now? Could he? It sure was what he needed right now… But would he dare to do it without the others knowing? He held the Shikon in his hand. Would he try to do it right now? His heart said yes… and his brain actually did too. He closed his eyes and just tried to think of only Kagome.

*Kagome… I want you to return to your body. Kikyo must go… She doesn't belong there. She should go. I want you back. I want you to return… I want to…*

The jewel in his hands started to glow. Inuyasha kept on wishing, knowing if he thought of something else, he'd screw up.

*Kagome… Please come back to your body. That is what I wish. I want that wish to be granted by the Shikon no Tama. I want it with all my heart and soul. I want to be with you… I want you to return to this time. I want your soul to return…* 

He felt the jewel rising out of his hands and wished as hard as he could. He felt a breeze brush his face. The jewel was granting his wish. He didn't open his eyes yet, afraid of what had happened. When the wind stopped, he opened his eyes. The jewel was gone… Could that be meaning… Kagome was back? He had to find her! Inuyasha jumped out of the tree and ran towards the place he had last seen Kikyo: the well. The well Kagome always had used to go through… The place he hated because of that. He wanted her more then ever to stand next to it! He ran… he didn't fly. He was too scared to know what had happened. But still he wanted to know. 

*Kagome… I hope I got you back. I hope you're standing here… I hope I did the right thing…*

~*~

Kagome opened her eyes. She looked at herself, tried to think of what happened. Oww yeah. Inuyasha had let her down. He had chosen Kikyo. How come she was in her body again? Couldn't she just stay a lost soul? Inuyasha would like her to stay that way. What happened to Kikyo? 'Cause this was her own body… Suddenly she heard somebody stop behind her. She turned around, only to see the face of the hanyou that caused her to be soul-dead. 

"Kagome! You're back!"

"Bummer, ne[ just for my information, was do "ne" and "kawaii" mean]? Get away from me! I'm going home! I'm not ever gonna come back!" Kagome stood up. She didn't want to waste her time at this. It was obvious she didn't have a reason to stay here anymore.

"But… Kagome!"

"Stop it! I don't want to hear it!"

"But I…"

"Get lost! I'm going!"

"Please don't go home!"

"What other choice do I have? You want me to believe I can stay here? Stop dreaming!"

"I'll be waiting for you. It was all a big mistake and I hope you'll understand that. If you want to know, I'll be at Kaede's."

"You'll never see me again! I'm going!"

"If you're going through you'll never know what happened. Stay in this time and think about it. I hope you can forgive me…"

Kagome stood up and walked away. She noticed she wasn't far away from the Goshimboku tree. The well should be around here…

~*~

Inuyasha walked back to Kaede's. He could see the sky turn red as the sun rose. How he would've wanted to see it with Kagome. How he wanted her to forgive him. She was probably already back in her time. He would never see her again. How could he have thought it would all be better when she would be back? Too simple-minded… Was that true? Didn't he think about others than himself?

He got to Kaede's hut and got in. Kaede was already up and saw the dismayed look on his face. 

"What is it, Inuyasha? What's wrong?"

"I wished Kagome back. She doesn't want to talk to or see me. She tells me to get lost. She's probably already home by now…"

"I don't think so, Inuyasha. She needs time to think. It's pretty much you've done to her."

"I know… But I didn't want it to happen! I didn't want it to go this way!"

"Kikyo probably didn't want things to go the way it went, fifty years ago. But that doesn't change the feelings you have about it. Kagome feels betrayed. She probably doesn't understand why she's been brought back. You chose Kikyo. You just let Kikyo have it her way. That's not something to be easy on."

"But I really apologised and I really want to start over again."

"Then make it clear to her. She should know…"

~*~

(AN: This is a song fitting Kagome at the moment, it's from Wheatus, called A Little Respect) __

I tried to discover  
A little something to make me sweeter  
Oh baby refrain, from breaking my heart

  
I'm so in love with you  
I'll be forever blue  
That you give me no reason, you know you're making me work so hard  
That you give me no, that you give me no, soul

  
I hear you calling  
Oh baby please, give a little respect, give a little respect to me

And if I should falter, would you open your arms out to me?  
We can make love not war, and live in peace in our hearts

  
I'm so in love with you  
I'll be forever blue  
What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?  
Don't you tell me no, don't you tell me no  
Don't you tell me no, don't you tell me no soul

  
I hear you calling  
Oh baby please, give a little respect, give a little respect to me

I'm so in love with you  
I'll be forever blue  
That you give me no, that you give me no, soul

  
I hear you calling  
Oh baby please, give a little respect, give a little respect to me  
I hear you calling  
Oh baby, please give a little respect to me

Kagome sat at the edge of the well. With one move she could be away from here. Away from Inuyasha… He betrayed her. For real, he betrayed her. She was nothing to him. But why would she be back then? Somebody must have used the Tama for her. Never would Inuyasha do that. He'd get fully demon or human. If he'd get his hands on it, that is. It probably must've been Kaede who reformed it, since she was the only suitable Miko. Then one of her friends must've brought her back. Would they be glad to see her? They probably would… But that didn't ease the pain Inuyasha caused by letting Kikyo take care of her. And what did they do when she wasn't there? Just sit on their ass and wait for Kikyo and Inuyasha to get married or something? And wasn't it perhaps Inuyasha who wished her back… He was the one that found her… Are the others looking for her? Do they even know she's back? She wanted to know that, but the well was more inviting…What would be the best thing to do?

She felt the rain coming down at her… It felt as if she would collide with the rain if she stayed long enough in it. Kikyo's clothes were warmer then her own… But still it was cold… By a streak of wind she suddenly lost her balance, and felt herself falling down the wrong side… into the well…

~*~

So… Isn't that sad? Kagome doesn't know or want to know what really happened because of the accidental choice Inuyasha had made before. And then the choice was made for her! Do you wanna know what'll happen? I don't even know myself… o_0 I don't know what I'll do next… Smart huh… Well, anyway, as in the previous chapter: REVIEW!!! 


	22. Chapter 21

This story is actually one to be proud of, don't you think? I certainly am… I don't wanna sound like "OOO I'm so good!!!" but I just didn't think I'd ever write such a big story… and never with so much emotion / drama / whatever in it… I'm actually a very ehm… H&H girl (happy and hyper girl)… Oww yeah! You guys should read the fic I wrote together with my brother: The Missing Noodle Mystery… I think it's really funny… And you can see the other side of me! Okay, enough support to my stories… Just read. And review if you're not to lazy… (okay that wasn't nice… But I'm jealous of the stories that have 50 reviews on only ONE chapter…)

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 21

She felt the rain coming down at her… It felt as if she would collide with the rain if she stayed long enough in it. Kikyo's clothes were warmer then her own… But still it was cold… By a streak of wind she suddenly lost her balance, and felt herself falling down the wrong side… into the well…

"Ah! No!!" she yelled as she swung her arms to grab something. Something, anything that would prevent her from falling down. 

Suddenly she saw two golden eyes above her. 

"Gotcha! You weren't planning on going, were you?"

"I was. Figure it out yourself."

"But Kagome… I…"

"Just… Just leave me alone for a couple of days, okay?"

"Promise me that you won't go through the well without telling me…"

"You want me to promise you that? Ha! Don't tell me about promises."

" Kagome…"

"Just let me think, okay!"

"Alright, alright. Just don't accidentally fall into that well again. It'll be the last time." 

"Leave me alone… Do the others even know I'm alive again?"

"They don't. Only Kaede knows."

"But… but… Didn't Sango wish me back or something?"

"No… I did…"

"_You_ did it? Without telling the others?"

"Yeah…"

"I want to see them! I need to see Sango! And Shippo! I'm going!"

She ran all the way to Kaede's house and found Sango, Miroku and Shippo still asleep.

"They don't know you're back, Kagome."

"Kaede-sama? I want to say goodbye to them…"

"I think you should reconsider that decision. You should really think about it. Don't act in rage, you'll be sorry later…"

"But… But… I don't know! My mind's screwed up, I can't think and I want my own clothes! Else that hanyou will mistake me for Kikyo again!"

"He won't. Do you know HE was the one that wished you back?"

"I know. Why in heavens would he do that when he's got Kikyo?!"

"You need to know the whole story, Kagome. Then you can decide whether you'll go or not."

"My opinion won't change that much, I think, Kaede-sama."

"But do you know _how_ we reformed the Shikon no Tama?"

"I guessed you reformed it, since you're the Miko around here…"

"Inuyasha did. He put it in his arm, so that it would reform. When it was almost complete Kikyo-oneesama showed up, all confused, she almost looked possessed by some spirit. She started screaming that everyone and everything in this world betrayed her, let her down. She went insane."

"Inuyasha reformed the jewel? To become fully demon?"

"No… He really wanted to wish you back. From the second he made that big mistake he regretted it. He wanted you back. But if my suspicions are right, he's lost you…"

"Kaede-sama… I need to think it over… I need to get things straight in my head. Did you keep my clothes?"

"Yes, Inuyasha found them in the forest. Kikyo must've dropped them there." 

"I'll go change my clothes. And I'd really like it if it stopped raining…" she said while changing. When she was done she told Kaede to tell everyone she was okay, but she needed to think. 

She went out to the riverside of the village and wondered… Would she stay with them…? Would she be able to forgive Inuyasha? He did do everything to get her back…

(AN: I've put in a song of Within Temptation, called Our farewell.)

****

In my hands

A legacy of memories

I can hear you say my name

I can almost see your smile

Feel the warmth of your embrace

But there is nothing but silence now

Around the one I loved

Is this our farewell?

She moved her finger in the water while she thought it over. Kaede thought she should stay, didn't she? Though Kaede didn't say it aloud, Kagome thought she wanted her to at least forgive Inuyasha...

__

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child

See the sadness in your eyes

You are not alone in life 

Although you might think that you are

But was there anything to stay here for? She only got here because of the jewel… Now it has reformed, even used already, was there anything to hold on to? Her friends, Miroku and Sango… The little Kitsune… and…. Inuyasha? But she had no purpose here… A teardrop fell from her cheek. Would she stay here if there were nothing to do for her?

__

Never thought

This day would come so soon

We had no time to say goodbye

How can the world just carry on?

I feel so lost when you are not by my side

But there's nothing but silence now

Around the one I loved

Is this our farewell?

Yet again, Kaede's words flew through her mind. She said Inuyasha had wanted to wish her back from the moment she was gone… Didn't he ever think of staying with Kikyo? She had her body… She was back to the normal Kikyo… Why did Inuyasha want her back while he always said Kikyo was better in everything? Why?

__

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child

See the sadness in your eyes

You are not alone in life 

Although you might think that you are

Kagome got more and more undecided. What was the right thing to do…? Could she get herself so far to jump in the well without saying goodbye? Without saying anything?

~*~

Inuyasha rushed to Kaede's home, but didn't see Kagome there. He followed her scent and saw her sitting by the riverside. He looked at her face… She cried? 

*I want her to be happy… If only I had used my head for once! I don't deserve her… I shouldn't have let her down…*

__

So sorry your world is tumbling down

I will watch you through these nights

Rest your head and go to sleep

Because I hope this is not our farewell.

This is not our farewell.

Kagome looked at her reflection in the river. The raindrops formed circles in the water, as they kept falling out of the sky. What about her parents… would they be worrying about her? And her friends… would they care about her? Would they eventually forget about her? She wiped her tears and the raindrops off her face and stood up. She was freezing, but didn't want to go to the village… Her friends couldn't help her out with this one… She had to figure it out herself. She shivered. Normally Inuyasha would've put his coat around her… she'd miss that feeling… She'd miss all of her friends… She felt herself turn cold. She didn't feel her feet and her fingers were also very cold. Would she go back to the village? She couldn't… she had to make a decision first. So she could whether tell them goodbye or tell them she'd stay. But wasn't there another option? She couldn't just say goodbye to either her family and friends in her time or the friends she had in this time… Couldn't she just…? But wait!

__

Couldn't she ask them if they would come to her time?

But then Inuyasha would have to come too. She just couldn't forgive him… She couldn't just tell him "Hey, Inuyasha. I decided I'd forgive you. Now we can be a couple and live a happily ever after!", she couldn't just do that, could she? There'd happened too much between them… too much to forgive easily. She felt her wet clothes stick to her body. She wrapped her arms around herself, but that didn't get her warmer. Every little bit of her body tingled of the cold rain that was still pouring down. The wind slammed the drops in her face. She didn't even feel it anymore. She felt herself falling down to her knees and she closed her eyes…

~*~

O NO! What did Kagome do to herself! She just stayed in that rain and now she's… Yeah, what is she? Unconscious…? KILLED?! No, I'm not that cruel. But nearly dead, that's something you can be certain of. Her body-temperature is way to low and if she keeps lying about there in her friggen nothing-to-cover-clothes when it's still raining like this… You guys can figure… I'm cruel, ain't I? And don't you think I have a writersblock… 'cause I actually have one so you don't have to tell me… But now I'm getting some new ideas and so my writersblock is gone! HAHAHAHA I beat you to it!!! ----- What that was for? Nothing… I'm just crazy… o_0


	23. Chapter 22

Pfew, did that take a long time or what… I'm sorry I let you guys waiting for so long (is it three whole weeks or something?) but I was really busy… Okay, bot a god reason but I had some various theatre show with my school and I was doing something with a group (we did an Idols sketch… Or Popidol, or American Popidol, Or Deutschland sücht einen Superstar or something…) and it took a long time to practice that. With that, my mother and little sister's birthday were in these weeks too… You understand, don't you? Can you possibly forgive me??? ^.~ Anyway, start reading again… 

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 22

Kagome felt her wet clothes stick to her body. She wrapped her arms around herself, but that didn't get her warmer. Every little bit of her body tingled from the cold rain that was still pouring down. The wind slammed the drops in her face. She didn't even feel it anymore. She felt herself falling down to her knees and she finally closed her eyes…

Inuyasha suddenly came back to reality. He saw Kagome falling down, she didn't move again.

*Kagome?! Why are you doing this to yourself? Why didn't you go inside? Why'd you have to go out when it rains so damn hard!*

He went to her and wrapped his coat around her wet body. He saw her face turning pale and her lips turning blue. This wasn't good. He had to get her to Kaede's place as soon as possible…

~*~

Meanwhile the others weren't sleeping anymore (I mean, can you stay asleep when Sango's screaming so loud…?) and wondered where Inuyasha was.

"Can you believe he took off so early in this kind of rain? I mean, we finally don't have to go look for shards again, or fight youkai… One can finally get some refreshing sleep!" Miroku said, staring out of the window. The rain still came down as if there was no end to come.

"Refreshing sleep, yeah… You really are hyperactive today… CAN YOU LEAVE MY ASS ALONE PLEASE!!!"

"I want Kagome back! She's like my mom and she's so sweet and I couldn't really sleep tonight… When are we gonna get her back?"

"She's already back, Shippo… Inuyasha wished her back last night."

"He DID? And he didn't involve us or something?!" Miroku said unbelievingly. They all had their doubts about Inuyasha doing that kind of thing and worse… Did he do it right?

"Kaede, how do you know Inuyasha wished Kagome-chan back for real? He could've done it wrong or something! How do we know he didn't accidentally used it for that Kikyo-bitch?"

"I know. I saw her myself. She's back, I can assure you…"

"But…" just as Shippo wanted to make a nice quote about it, Inuyasha came in. He was all wet and soaked and they all gasped in shock when they saw what he was carrying in his arms.

"Kagome-sama!"

"Kagome-chan!"

"Mommy!!!"

"Inuyasha… She's got a low body-temperature…" Kaede said as she laid her hand on Kagome's forehead. 

"I know… She went out in the rain and eventually… lost consciousness…"

"I'll get her a bed and try to warm her up!" Sango said while doing so.

*It's all my fault… This whole thing is my fault… Why is it that I'm so weak… Why is it that Kikyo could control me this way… Is she able to… control me?*

He didn't hear everything they said to him. He stood frozen. How could he have let this happen? He watched the whole scene as if he was another person, seeing all the things the others did, all things they tried to do for Kagome. He just stood there, handing Kagome over to Miroku who laid her down in that bed. It was so unreal... Inuyasha walked out of the hut, the others still taking care of Kagome. They watched him go away, wondering why he would go when he's needed so much.

"Inuyasha!! Why are you running away?" little Shippo yelled after him.

He didn't hear it, or didn't know what to answer. He just walked further and further ' till they didn't see him anymore.

"That... bastard! How can he go away now! Kagome-chan needs help; we need to take care for her! Why is he running away?" 

"He hates himself." 

"Eh?" 

"He takes the blame for everything. He feels all that has happened to Kagome is his fault... Which it is, if you take a clear look at the facts..." 

"But... How do we know he's coming back... He could be running away to never return again..."

"He'll come back... I'm sure of that... But I don't think he'll come back all by himself..."

" But, Kaede- Thank goodness, Kagome-chan is getting warmer again..."

"She'll recover fast. I think she'll be the cause if Inuyasha will return..." 

~*~ 

Inuyasha walked down the riverside. He walked towards the spot Kagome had been standing... where she eventually broke down. He sat down at that spot and tried to think. The rain still came out of the sky and soaked his hair and fur. Now the most important question wasn't if Kagome could forgive him... But if he could forgive himself...

He noticed that this was almost exactly the place where Kagome had stood before... When the Tama was broken into all those pieces... When it all began...

Hadn't he first thought she was a stupid girl, a fake someone who tried to be like Kikyo and who was only standing in the way? She proved him wrong... and he started to love her.

But then again, when Kikyo appeared... He didn't remember those thoughts about Kagome...

Kikyo was there and she wanted to be with him... In hell that is, but still...

Why was it that Kikyo played him like a puppet?

Always when she came around... Things went wrong... Only the last time, when she went insane... That was when she let go of the strings... If she hadn't broken down there... He didn't want to think about what might've happened there...

Things changed.

But why did it still go wrong?

Had Kikyo controlled his life for too long? Had he given the impression that... That he'd... He'd _really..._

****

Did Kagome think he was hopeless?

Had she thought like that? Wasn't he hopeless actually? Looking at the way she sometimes reacted… he could figure.

__

Kagome probably doesn't want to see you again… Not ever…

*Shut up… SHUT UP!*

__

Why would she then…

*I don't need a conscious… I can pretty much think about things on my one!*

__

I am you, Inuyasha… This are your heart's doubts… Your true feelings…

*I don't need those… I just needed to go away!*

__

You needed to get away because of these feelings… You're responsible for everything bad that has happened…

"That's… That's not…. IT'S NOT TRUE!!!" he yelled. He shivered of the cold raindrops that hit him, realizing that his so-called conscious might be right…

****

He did feel like that, didn't he?

He walked further, thinking about those things. He did feel that way, he did. Kagome had the full right to hate him. 

__

Why did you have your eyes shut, Inuyasha…

"I don't know why I didn't see it. I don't know. Maybe I did see it, but didn't want to see it."

****

Things that happened can't be changed…

__

… But they can be corrected… 

…Inuyasha…

~*~

Isn't that creepy? I mean, with the Underlined, **Bold** and _Italic _characters? I think it's a little psychological… Creepy… ^.~ Anyway, what do you think so far? I did really take a long time, ne? But it was worth it… I'm really gonna write soon now, okay??? YEAH!!

By the way, I'm having some strong signals from a certain someone (Slycat… ^.~) that the songfics are boring. I can fully understand that actually, 'cause most of the songs are of unknown Dutch bands… So tell me if I should quit those. I really wanna know if you think it's boring. TELL ME!!!


	24. Chapter 23

Well, after another long period of waiting, here's the new chapter! Enjoy…

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 23

The hours passed and Sango was getting worried. Would everything be all right?

"Ehm.. Kaede-sama… I was just wondering… " she heard Miroku say. All they ever did was wondering… Would this be…? Would that be…? Would they…? Can we…?

"Why isn't there anything we can REALLY do!!!" she suddenly shouted.

"Sango…"

"Sango… Kagome is getting better already. She's a really strong girl."

"But Inuyasha's went away again and- AH!! WHY did he HAVE TO be like this NOW!!!"

"Don't worry about it to much… He's just confused and will see his mistake in time."

"But, Kaede-sama… We don't have any idea where he is right now, ne? He can be miles and miles away by now…"

"He isn't, Miroku… Trust me, I bet he's somewhere just out of the village."

"But how do we know?"

"We don't… We can only guess…"

~*~

Inuyasha sat at the riverside. It had stopped raining just moments ago and the sun came shining through the thick clouds. He sighed. To live like a good guy is hard… 

__

Bad guys have an easy life…

*I don't want to be like that, do I? No…*

****

How could he correct his mistakes?

__

Go back… Inuyasha…

*But I can't go back… can I? They won't forgive me… Never ever!*

****

Could he try to pretend nothing had happened?

__

Inuyasha… There is only one way to find out… Go back and see…

"It's no use… There won't be any difference from before… There is nothing there…" he sighed. 

****

But how can he be sure of that?

__

You are being careless again, Inuyasha. Don't pretend to, just go back and see…

*I don't need anyone…*

__

Feh… Doesn't need anyone… Do you really think that, Inuyasha…?

*Of course I do!*

****

But he doesn't…

__

You've got to quit pretending, Inuyasha… Remember why this whole thing started?

****

Because he was pretending… 

*I know, I know… That's why I don't want to bother them anymore…*

__

Don't you think they got used to your actions… 

"They won't have to get used to it if I don't go back there!!" he yelled.

__

But they've got a heart too… Don't you think they'll miss your stupidity?

*Quit that, okay…*

****

Would they miss him?

"They'll get over it…"

__

What about… Kagome?

"She'll go back to her time and be happy without me… She doesn't need a jerk around her…"

__

But is it fair for you to decide that?

*I don't care… As long as they are happy I'll be happy too…*

__

Full speed ahead… You changed a lot, Inuyasha…

*So what…*

****

Shouldn't he face reality then?

"I don't care… as before… I blew it and now I have to pay for it…" 

__

But it's not fair to let them pay for it too…

*Damned conscious… Can't you shut up for a while?*

__

I will if you would listen to me once, Inuyasha!

****

But why should he go back then?

__

You should go back because you're only hurting them even more…

"It might hurt now… But if I go back it'll ache forever…"

__

That kind of wise words of you… You really did change! You should be understanding, Inuyasha… Just try to be them once!

*But… they are better of without me…*

__

Inuyasha… just try to-

"DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE ME!!!"

The birds flew out of the trees at his yelling. He looked down at his reflection in the water and sighed. He had made a decision, why'd he have to think it over _again_…

"I'm not going back. Get over it!"

He turned his back at the spot and tried to walk away but… He couldn't leave them behind, could he… leave them all and… be alone again?

__

Miroku… That hentai-priest… although his Kazana had disappeared…

*He won't change a bit…* 

__

And Sango… She's such a strong girl…

*Always think of the feelings of the others and not of her own…*

__

Shippo… The little Kitsune…

*He's irritating… but he's lost his parents… and he's still so happy…*

__

Because he thinks of you and Kagome as his parents…

"Shut up."

__

And… What about Kagome… The girl from the future… Reincarnation of your first love…

*She's not anything like Kikyo…*

__

No… Inuyasha… She's…

*…Better than Kikyo…*

__

There… Now go back and be with them…

"I can't."

****

Can't he just go back? 

__

Inuyasha… Don't think. Just do it…

"But I…"

__

Take a clear look at the facts and face it. You can't keep running away… You need them.

*Maybe… you've got a point… But it's better if I don't come back…*

__

Just go back… They'll be happy…

****

Would they? Would they be happy to see him?

__

Just face it…

~*~

Well, the choice is all his… He can't be with or without them… Nice cliffhanger, ne…? I hope you're happy with this chapter, I'll really try to do it faster next time… You do want to read more… do you? I think I lost a couple of readers when I didn't write for 4 weeks… I WANT YOU GUYS BACK!!! Ehm… don't listen to my mindless rattle… Just review! I'm putting the next chapter up very soon, as I finished it this evening… I think in a couple of days that'll be up… So check my story soon!!!


	25. Chapter 24

Finally a chapter that's a little quick on the net. Satisfied? I hope so…

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 24

"Kagome-chan! You can't get up now! You're supposed to lay down and rest!"

"I know, Sango… But of what I heard of you guys… I think I need to go look for Inuyasha…"

"Who cares about him… HE will be fine… YOU will get even more sick if you go out to look for him!"

"Sango-chan… I need to…"

"You stay in bed. He can wait!"

"Kagome… I think you should go…" Kaede suddenly interrupted the conversation.

"See!"

"But Kaede-sama… She's only just awake and she shouldn't…"

"It's not raining anymore, the sun is even shining, so I don't think it'd do any harm…"

"I'm going!" Kagome said while getting up quickly.

"Be careful… Kagome-chan…"

"Don't worry, Sango-chan… I'll be fine!"

~*~

*So I should go back to them… But Kagome had almost jumped through the well… because of me… And… Why would she even be still here…? She'll go back to her time as soon as possible…*

"Inuyasha!" he suddenly heard, a faint voice.

*Kagome… Why are you coming here..*

"Inuyasha!!" Kagome yelled harder. Didn't he hear her?

Inuyasha turned his back to her and walked further away from her as if he didn't hear anything.

"Inuyasha! Wait for me!!" Kagome started to run after him. Why was he walking away from her?

*Kagome… Live your life… Be happy… Forget about me…*

"Inuyasha!! YOU BIG JERK!!!" she yelled after him. 

*Kagome…*

She ran as fast as she could, but -in her condition- she couldn't run that hard.

*Kagome… Don't try to come after me…*

"Inuyasha! Why don't you wait for me!! Why?!"

*Kagome… Why'd you have to make it this hard for me? Couldn't you just go back…*

"Inuyash-" she began, but she tripped over a rock and fell down.

"Kagome!" he said while he turned around. He couldn't just let her lie there like that, could he?

"Inuyasha… Why don't you wait for me…" she whispered. Inuyasha came running towards her, but she was so exhausted of running after him, she couldn't get up anymore.

"Kagome! Are you alright?"

"Inuyasha… Why didn't you wait for me…?"

"Are you okay, Kagome?"

"I'm fine, but why didn't you wait for me? Why were you getting away from me…"

"That doesn't matter. I'll get you to Kaede's."

Kagome got on his back and they went to Kaede's, but Kagome couldn't figure why Inuyasha would be running away from her. Why'd he do that?

"Inuyasha… Why did you walk away when I called you?"

"Kagome…"

"Why don't you want to tell me? It's not like I'll bite you or something!"

"It just doesn't matter, anymore, Kagome…"

"But I…" she started, but understood that he if he didn't want to say it, she'd probably never hear it from him. 

*Kagome… I'll never go away again. I realised that you, and all the others, are too important to me. Maybe you guys can forgive me… I was actually the only one that made a big deal out of it…*

They got to Kaede's hut, and Kagome rushed in.

"Guys! Inuyasha's back!"

"He's come back?"

"He's finally got some brain in his head!"

****

BAF

"That doesn't mean you're not gonna get hit, Shippo…"

"Well done, Kagome…" Kaede whispered to her.

"But ehm… Guys… You don't mind me being here, do you…?" Inuyasha asked them, a little uncertain.

"Of course not!" Miroku said, and whispered "Shippo… You said he finally got brains in his head…?"

"Don't forget I still got ears, Houshi…"

"I think I'll make you guys some Ramen…"

~*~

Later that evening they were all stuffed with Ramen and little Shippo had already fallen asleep. Inuyasha went out to the forest, as usual to relax in a tree. Sango, Miroku, Kaede and Kagome were talking about all the things that had happened. Shippo laid in Kagome's lap, sometimes making cute sleeping-sounds. 

"Kagome-sama… Why would Inuyasha first try to get away from you, and then come to get you and say that it doesn't matter anymore?"

"I'm sorry… I don't know it either…"

"You say you tripped, Kagome?" Kaede asked.

"Yeah I did… and then he came to me and got me here."

"He couldn't leave you laying there like that. You were in pain and couldn't get up by yourself."

"But why did he walk away from me while I was coming to him?"

"He had made a decision and since you were fine and you could just go back to your time… He probably figured you'd be happy in your time and you'd live a normal life."

"That figures…" Sango said, "But… Kagome-chan, it's getting late and I'm really tired. I'm gonna get some sleep…"

"Good night, Sango-chan. I think I'll go see where Inuyasha is hanging out…"

"I'm gonna get some sleep too…" Miroku said.

Glare…

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME OKAY!!!"

"Sango, Sango… Don't think of me like that… I'm just a humble monk…"

"Yeah, just like this house is haunted by evil spirits… SURE!!!"

"Actually, I sense a weird aura around you…"

"STAY-AWAY-FROM-ME!!!"

"But…"

****

SMACK

Kagome smiled at this scene. They'd make a great couple... She just wished she and Inuyasha could be such a couple… She didn't tell the others, but… she should be getting home sometime… She had almost been away for a month… Wouldn't her parents be worrying? How would the others react and… How would Inuyasha react…?

"Sango-chan…" she whispered to herself. 

She was about to say goodbye to her dearest friends. She didn't want to leave them OR her family behind…

~*~

Yeah… Just as you thought all the problems were solved… I can get this story up to as much chapters as I want, guys… But still, this problem had to be solved one day. Anyway, when I have finished this story I'll probably start a whole other story… I'm thinking about an Inuyasha-Kikyo-Sesshoumaru triangle sort of thing, before the Kagome stuff and all…I know that is totally not me but I'm having an idea and I think it's gonna be cool, so… Anyway, tell me what you think of the story so far and tell me what you think of my new idea!!!

And sorry for the delay, I'm working on a non-fanfic story called 'I'll live my life'. It tells a part of my life that I really had trouble with. And still have, but that doesn't matter. Go to if you wanna read it.


	26. Chapter 25

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 25

Still thinking, Kagome walked up to the forest. Inuyasha's forest, named after him when he was supposed to be dangerous and finally got pinned to a tree by Kikyo. She wondered why she had been involved into that all. So she was a relative to Kikyo… in fact, her reincarnation. But still… Why didn't her mother fall into that well… Since she was an ancestor too…

But that didn't matter. She was the one that fell down the well. And she had to make sure she didn't hurt anyone… As before, the option of taking them with her occurred in her mind. But they wouldn't know how to live in the 21st century… and would they want to be in that noisy, busy city that was her home? She wouldn't know… And guessing didn't make her happier…

She finally saw where Inuyasha was. Up the Goshimboku tree he sat, staring to the place the sun had set some time ago. She sat down at that tree and pulled her legs up to her chin.

"Ano… Inuyasha?"

"Yeah…?"

"You know… I… I should be getting home sometime…and…"

"I know… You should… Go back whenever… whenever you want…"

*You don't belong here… Going back would only be natural. I'd wish you wouldn't have to go… but it's the right thing to do.*

"But… You guys are my very best friends… I-I can't just leave you guys…"

"Still it is the thing that was supposed to happen. You can't change where you came from."

"But you know… I've been thinking of a compromise- don't decide too rushed-I thought about…"

"Yeah…"

"Maybe… Maybe it's possible that you guys would come with me-with me to the 21st century…" Kagome stuttered, and added hastily, "Don't rush your decision!"

"Ask the others first. It's not only me who should be coming with you, I guess…"

"Ehm… Well yeah that is exactly what I was gonna do…" Kagome rushed. That didn't go too bad… he didn't say 'no'… The others wouldn't be too hard to convince, she guessed. They had nothing to hang on to in this time. Sango… her whole village was vanished. There was nothing there anymore. Miroku only had that weird old priest with his drinking problems. Shippo didn't have any family, and besides that, he always thought of Kagome as his mommy. But Inuyasha… That's something else. Everything that had happened between Kikyo and him, whole his being was in the Sengoku Jidai. All of his memories, good and bad… He had spend 50 years pinned to that tree! Still, it was there at here time, but… Everything was different. And he'd be the weird one, with his ears and silver hair.. 

She entered the hut again to find them all sound asleep. Sleeping would be the best for her, too. She curled up in her sleeping bag and fell into a rushed sleep. She turned and turned, and woke early in the morning, without having the feeling she had slept at all. It was time to ask the others her final favour.

~*~

Sorry it's so short, I'm having little time and I'm not in the mood to write. That means I'll be only ruining the plot. This is definitely not the end. Oww no… There is a lot to come. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong or something… constructive criticism comes in handy! And review please… I want to be heading towards 100… ^_^ 


	27. Chapter 26 sorry short again

Sorry everyone… but this is gonna be a short chapter **again**… Sorry but it's hard to develop the story the way I want to. If I make longer chapters I spoil the story. So you have to wait again… ***SORRY***

And thank youRitoru Kani for giving me my 50th review!!! KISSES TO YOU!!!

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 26

Kagome got up and rubbed her eyes. She felt so tired… Did she even sleep? Then she remembered where she was, what she had to do today and how doubtful she was.

"Owwyeah…" she sighed.

She stood up and dressed. She sighed again and went to the riverside to wait for the others to wake up. She kept thinking, considering what their answers would be… Wasn't it rude to ask them to go with her? Selfish, to rip them out of their lives and bring them to a strange world? She had to go and live without them… She couldn't force them. And asking would be rude. How could she ever expect them to go with her? What was she thinking…

She had to get over it.

She had to go alone… Wasn't that the right thing? She came alone, now she had to go back alone… But they were her friends… her ONLY real friends… This was gonna be hard…

~*~

Sango noticed Kagome's bed was empty. She was up so early? That's weird… Sango got out of bed and tried to go and find Kagome.

What if she was already back home?

Sango had noticed Kagome looked worried yesterday and now it hit her: She had to go home sometime… Sango just hoped she wasn't gone already…

She wanted to rush out the door when she noticed Kagome's backpack in the corner. Packed. She had to be thinking about going… Sango got out the hut fast and went to the well.

No Kagome there… Where would she be?

Sango looked around in the forest but she wasn't there either. One place left to go to:

The riverside.

Kagome HAD to be there! She had to be! Sango rushed through the forest, back to the village and while she rushed through it a thought came up to her:

She could run right past her. Kagome could move too…

Sango ran only harder when she realised that Kagome could be gone already… while she was looking for her. When she came rushing to the riverside she saw a small figure kneeling down. Kagome…

"Kagome-chan!" she yelled.

Kagome looked up confused and saw Sango's silhouette. The rising sun shone from behind her, so she could only guess it was Sango… That waving hand and her voice woke Kagome up out of her thoughts.

"Sango-chan!" Kagome yelled back.

"I'm coming!"

Kagome sighed. She'd talk about it with Sango and decide what was the best thing, wouldn't she? Sango had the right to know, being her best friend. It'd be unfair to hide it from her. Yet Kagome also had a nagging feeling that she shouldn't talk about it and just go home…

Sango came running towards her. Glad she found her before she was gone. She walked up to Kagome and sat down next to her.

Kagome still hadn't figured out what to say. She just stared at their reflection in the water.

Sango noticed Kagome's sad eyes in the water. Sango turned her head towards Kagome and looked into her eyes. And suddenly she completely understood what made her so distant, so sad.

"It's reasonable to ask them, Kagome… It's only natural…" Sango said, and folded her arms around her and together they watched the sun rising higher into the cloudless sky.

~*~

So… sorry it's a bit short but I'm gonna spoil the whole plot and all of the beautiful details if I make it longer. GOMEN! But I'm gonna update soon. I wasn't gonna learn for all the tests I'm having anyway… Ja ne!

And thanks to everyone who supports me now! ChristyKay, you're the best!


	28. Big Authors Note

Big Authors Note

Sorry guys that I haven't been uploading for a while. It's just that I had so many things to do, my life got all scrued up etc. so I just couldn't find time or I just didn't want to put some effort to it... And I don't think you'll like the crap I'll write at these times. So that's why. And I'm writing this biggie-big Author's note because I'm jealous of everybody's reviews... I know... it's not good to be jealous. It's just that I get two or three reviews per chapter. I'm just not satisfied. When I see that some stupid fic I reallllly hate (not a particular fic, just when I scroll around and read and think: Geez the crap that people write these days... -_-') and it got like 4 crappy chapters... AND like THIRTY (!!!) reviews... And you don't want to meet me then... You really DON'T! I work SO hard to get you a nice story which I'm really fond of myself... and I get like close to NO reviews. And I sulk and read the reviews of that crappy story and I wonder how the hell they could say such nice things about a fic that SUCKS like that... Mooooo I want reviews... I thank my frequent readers though! ChristyKay, Stormstar, Ritoru Kani and if I forgot you, fill in your own name. You guys make me write some more. The only thing is that I hardly get any reviews other than reviews from you guys. Not that I don't like YOUR reviews... But if I don't get more readers I suppose I will get less and less readers and I'll die because of a shortage on reviews... ;_; You know, I really hate it when people say: Yeah you dudes give me 20 reviews and I'll continue... It sounds like blackmail. I won't do that... But I'm DESPERATE!!! I've got pride and I WON'T go begging like that. It's just that i write something i really like and I think you guys will like it. Not cliche, I think and nice and lovely and twisting and thoughtfull... And then I fall down the hill when i check my reviews. I'll tell you the statistics...

27 Chapters

54 Reviews

So that means TWO reviews per chapter. I can't LIVE like that!!! I've been thinking about re-posting it on another account so that I'd get more reviews. I thought about WHEN to post to get the most reviews. I thought about everything I guess... Nothing works really. And my social life is scrued up... Might as well tell you the whole story... Ok my social life's like this: I got friends and we got sort of a gang. Four girls, four boys. Real fun. Then I fell in love with one of the boys. Me: quiet, shy person. Him: player, every week another girl, like that. I told him. He was like: yeah ok sorry, I don't like you that way. Then we had a party at my friends and we all got a little drunk. I kissed him and we did like *close* things (no I didn't have sex, goddamnit I'm hardly fourteen!!!) The day after: attitude like nothing happened. Handy, 'cause I don't like rumors. But on the other side... I talked less, I was really ashamed of what I did on that night (Maybe you should think of him as Miroku, that'll help you in visualising...-_-) and now, when I have overthought things, I came to the conclusion it was stupid what I did. I never kissed anyone, and that night he told me several times: I don't want to be a jerk to steal your first kiss... But I had to be a little drunk and didn't care. So I did it. Now I really regret it. It was a really screwed, kiss, believe me... But hey, finally I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't care weither he ever thought of that night like I did, and I was pretty enough to get anyone I wanted... So we had a school dance. I went in my hotpants (woooo... Did I get comments or WHAT ^___^) and I thought: I'll show him... He wasn't even there. The jerk had to go BBQing with teh other three friends. So I danced with almost every boy of my class just to get my problems away (you know, it really bothered me) but they got real real REAL close and I was like: SHIT FUCK what AM I gonna doooooo... I don't like them. I like HIM and he's not even there and and and and... Well i was staying with my friend that night and talked a little about things. I really felt bad about how SLUTTY I had been on that schooldance. I hated myself... And ALL I thought about was that boy... I only thought about him. And he probably didn't even thought one second about me... And now... We are being split up. The guys don't like the girl I slumberparty'd with anymore and that girl aslo has troubles with her best friend in that group. I get comments that I'm being to quiet, but I just don't think I got something interesting to say. I like all of them and I don't want to be split up and school's over except for the report we get and I don't want to get vacation like this!!! I want my friends, I want to be like we were half a year ago... When everything was cool, normal, relaxed and not scrued up... When I was still green and sweet and talked alot. When I liked my life, when I wrote alot and I wasn't unsatisfied with my reviews... When my life was great.

Enough of my troubles. I'm surprised you're still reading this. Anyway, what I actually wanted to say: please help me to become a better writer, tell me what you think I'm doing wrong why I get so few reviews. Just help me. I need some distraction of my miserable life. Anything... Just something. Make me happy... Or at least try. I'm scrued, really. So hit the button.


	29. Chapter 27 Long one again! And thanks ev...

HELLO SWEET PEOPLES!!!

*looks up at what she just typed* I mean it you guys. I'm happy. I got some support and advice, good advice… And I'm gonna use it! So… I was told that I should 

****

The story so far: Inuyasha-tachi split up after Kagome went away, to see if they'd miss each other. Actually it was set up by Miroku and Kagome just to see what Inuyasha would do. At home Kagome studied for a history test, about… The Sengoku Jidai. It contained information about the final battle with Naraku. When Inuyasha came to see what she was doing she pretended to be asleep and sleep-talking. Anyway, they got back to the Sengoku Jidai because Kagome got worried about the skeletons that were in her book, and Inuyasha and Kagome spent a fun time together, but when they get in a fight and Kikyo approaches Inuyasha, Naraku plans an attack. When Inuyasha smells Kikyo, he realises Naraku could be attacking. He went back to Kagome and back to the village with her. The battle had already begun, and the others were in bad condition. Inuyasha fights Naraku, but it's no use. When Inuyasha lies on the ground and Naraku makes his final attack, Kagome hit him with her arrow. Then they come to the conclusion that they still haven't got all of the shards. Kikyo appears, and almost takes Inuyasha with her to hell, but he decided he'd rather stay alive. But she didn't have any shards anymore. Kagome realises they need Kouga's shards. After a little argument they go to get them, but Kouga doesn't want to give his shards without a fight. Kagome tries to explain to Inuyasha why she doesn't want to get him killed but it's no use and she really breaks down, doesn't want to live anymore. Inuyasha finally manages to get her to stay, and after some quarrelling Inuyasha shot Kaze no Kizu at Kouga and they get his shards. Inuyasha thinks Kagome thinks too much of Kouga and wants to walk of without Kagome. After a little argument Kagome goes with him because she had to repair the Tama. When it was dark Inuyasha came to notice his feet hurt like hell and he was really tired. He found an open spot in the wood that looked safe enough. He tried to stay awake and listen if something wasn't right but eventually he still fell asleep. When he woke up Kagome's soul was taken. Kikyo… She wasn't gone. She gets into Kagome's thoughts making Kagome believe Inuyasha helped her with taking Kagome's soul and that she failed using it for revival. Then she states that Kagome should have her soul back because she feels sorry. Kagome thought it was strange, but still she agreed. Then Kikyo took over her body, Kikyo and Kagome are both in that body and Inuyasha doesn't realise it. Kikyo plays with their thoughts and gives Inuyasha the choice: Who should leave the body? But she twists the facts and Kagome doesn't want to live because she feels Inuyasha betrayed her. Then Inuyasha childishly denies he loves Kagome, and Kikyo tries to convince him Kagome was a replacement. Kagome has heard enough and doesn't struggle anymore. She lets Kikyo make her spell and leaves her body. Now Inuyasha gets real mad with Kikyo, but he can't kill her. He needs her to purify the Shikon no Tama. Else he'll never get Kagome back. He tells everything to the others and they come to the conclusion the Tama can also be reformed when it's absorbed by someone. So Inuyasha puts the Shikon in his arm. But the Shikon is playing tricks on his mind. He decides he should get some fresh air but walks towards the well where Kikyo is. Kikyo tries to talk him into loving her… But he says he hates her and Kikyo fires an arrow at him. Suddenly the arm with the Shikon moves in front of him and the arrow disappears in it. Kikyo starts yelling at the jewel and breaks down crying, screaming, desperate. Inuyasha goes back to Kaede's, thinking it over. At that time the Tama reformed and they would be able to get Kagome back. Inuyasha doubted if he'd do it right, to wish with all his soul but knows he'll have to try. He wishes her back but Kagome is furious, she only wants to go home. Inuyasha leaves and she sits on the edge of the well. She accidentally falls in but Inuyasha helps her up. He tells her the others don't know she's back and she rushes back to Kaede's. Kaede makes her think things over and in the storm she goes out to the riverside. Inuyasha is just one step behind her, but figures he'd better not interfere when she thinks. But Kagome gets too cold and eventually faints. Inuyasha rushes her to Kaede's hut but feels so guilty for everything that he walks out again and thought things over. He decides to go away, to lead his lonely life again. Kagome gets better in time to go look for him. When he sees her he tries to run away. Kagome runs after him but tripped over a rock and fell down. That did the trick. Kagome was still fragile and he couldn't just let her lay there. He had to get her back to Kaede's. He suddenly realised it was foolish to run away, and that they had accepted him and his mistakes. But just when you thought everything was solved… Kagome had to get back sometime. And that's where we were!

Pfew… That long??? Fans: It's supposed to be a SUMMARY! That means SHORT! San-chan: I'm sorry… But now you have a story that's a little more compact… SOOOO I'll continue now with the story! 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 27

Sango got to her feet again and reached her hand to Kagome. She gladly took it and pulled herself up. First up was breakfast. No need to worry on an empty stomach. She and Sango walked slowly up to the village, sometimes squeezing each other's hand. Sango really was her best friend, she realised, and the only one who really understood her. After breakfast she'll ask. Definitely. It's better to know for sure soon than worry all day long… Still she was a bit nervous about it. But, first up breakfast. Don't worry… Don't worry…

They reached Kaede's place and noticed Kaede preparing breakfast and Miroku just waking up. 

"Where did these beautiful ladies go at such an," *yawn*, "early time..?" Miroku asked.

"We just went to take a walk. Sunrises are beautiful…" Sango told him.

"Mmm… I agree…" Miroku said, "but I can think of other beautiful things early in the morning…" he murmured, his hand reaching off to Sango's butt…

****

BAF

"And I can think of a use for my Hiraikotsu early in the morning, houshi!"

"I guess he'll never learn…" Kagome sighed.

"Breakfast is ready…" Kaede said.

"I smell something… Gimme something to eat!" Inuyasha entered the hut.

"Yeah, yeah… Don't be so impatient, Inuyasha…" the wise old woman told him. 

They all sat and had breakfast. Kagome got more and more nervous as they almost finished. Sango squeezed her hand sometimes when she saw Kagome's face frown, deep in thought. 

When they were finished Kagome felt her heart beating in her throat. If only she'd get this thing over with…

"Kagome has something to ask all of you…" Sango began, knowing it was hard for Kagome.

"Ano… Well… Actually I have. I've been thinking, and I… I should be heading home sometime… And I was wondering…" Kagome hesitated. Now she had started she had to finish, right? She looked up from staring at her feet and saw them all looking at her. This is it… "I wondered if… Would you guys… mind… to come with me?" she finally ended.

The first thing she heard was her own deep sigh… Then Miroku's voice.

"Depends, Kagome-sama. Of course we have to get used to life in your time, if we go with you. Another thing is that all of our memories…" he looked into Inuyasha's eyes, "All our lives we've been here. I don't know if we can leave that behind…"

"I…- I understand. I'll be going tomorrow then. I hope you… I hope you'll all be happy…"Kagome said, close to tears… Didn't she already predict that?

"Don't rush things, Kagome-chan. All our lives we've been here, that's true. But it's also true that we really got to know each other as close friends and when we come with you, most of our memories here… Most of MY memories aren't good ones. I'd rather go with you to leave them behind me and start over." Sango told her close friend.

"I agree, Sango. Now that that Kazana is removed from my hand, Naraku is destroyed and my family's bloodline is freed from the curse… I can leave that all behind and come with you. It's just that we don't only have bad memories here. It's to us to decide which weighs stronger on our minds."

"I will come with you, Kagome-okaasan! I'll never leave your side… You are my mommy!!"

Kagome sighed again, but now it was one of relief. It didn't turn out too bad… But what did Inuyasha think? He had only stood there, no emotion on his face… she couldn't guess what he thought now…

"So, Inuyasha… What is your opinion…?" Sango asked him.

*What is my opinion? Good question… I'd really like to go with Kagome but… All my life I have lived here, all things that happened to me… Happened right here. Will I be able to leave that behind? My whole life? Would I be able to give that up for… For what actually? For Kagome of course… I really love her because of HER don't I? I really love her for what SHE is right? I don't compare her to Kikyo anymore, right? Right? I don't know… I don't know but… everyone is going… Shouldn't I come with them?*

"Hello?? Inuyasha?" Miroku waved his hands before Inuyasha's eyes.

  
"Huh… what?"

"Are you coming or what?" the houshi asked.

"I… I don't… I don't know…" he said, and walked straight out the door when he saw their faces. Miroku's face, a disagreeing look because he thought he'd finally give in. Sango's face, mad because he hadn't said "YES!!" to Kagome's request. Shippo's face, mad too, and prepared to launch a comment on his love-life. Kaede's face, old and wise, looking at him with sympathy, knowing he would've wanted to say otherwise. And finally Kagome's, sad, longing eyes that stared holes through his head. He had to think, goddamnit!

He came to the Goshimboku tree without noticing. He climbed up into it and sighed heavily. Why was he being hesitant again? He thought he was over that!

*Why am I thinking of Kikyo again? I had wished for Kagome to come back when she was gone, didn't I? You only realise what you're missing when you're gone… but why can't I remember how lonely I felt when she was gone? I should come with her, 'cause I can't live without her. I know I can't. But why am I bringing up Kikyo again. Why am I thinking of her again? That part of my life is over isn't it? I should leave it behind me, start over again. Moving to Kagome's time would be perfect, wouldn't it? I wouldn't have to think of her again, all the places we had been fifty-something years ago. I left that part behind me. They differed, Kagome and Kikyo… But haven't I recently discovered that they didn't differ that much? That Kikyo was exactly like Kagome… Only less open? Why haven't I left her for what she was! Goddamnit… she now rested in peace… She did, right? I wished Kagome back into her body. So Kikyo should be gone. She had to be. So I should leave it behind me… I had to move on. Move on… but why was it so hard to leave everything behind? Naraku easily broke our friendship. Too easy, really too easy. That meant something didn't it? It did. Of course it did! But still… Still there was this feeling…This nagging feeling…*

~*~

Kagome cried silently in Sango's arms. She just KNEW it! He'd never come with her without doubt. 

"Shh… He said he didn't know yet, Kagome… Don't shed so many tears for that…"

"But… When he says he doesn't know, I DO know, Sango… He can't leave his life with Kikyo her. He can't leave that… never ever…."

"Shh… come on. Even IF he's like that, we'll come with you. I think he knows he'll regret if he doesn't come. He'll be all alone. No memory can keep him company like you kept him company, Kagome. No memory of who ever on this world can replace that."

Kagome just sobbed and cried. She knew already: he wouldn't come. If he had doubts, he wouldn't come. Simple as that is. He'd think and think and would want both. But that's impossible. Why wouldn't he see that? Why wouldn't he realise that for once? You got two choices: Choose the one, or choose the other option. If you want to choose both… it's the third option that always ends up being wrong. It's no use choosing that third option. It never ends up like you wanted it to be. It's only shoving your problems forward. It'll never give any solutions. It'll never turn out the right way. He'll just loose both, won't he? When she's gone… Would his memories with Kikyo live when she wasn't around?

That hit her.

Would he be happy about the good memories with Kikyo while her look a like wasn't around? When there was no doll that he could pretend was Kikyo? Wouldn't he have a hard time thinking about the good times with Kikyo… When there was no one around that looked like her… Was there any good about Kikyo in his memories then… 

Would it?

~*~

I'm giving you another cliffhanger. I'm sorry. It's just that I think I've got back to the usual length of my chapters and that it's enough. I think this'll end around Chapter 30, and then without the authors note and poem and stuff. So when it says:

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 30

Like that. Then I think it'll be over. Too bad actually… I'm getting used to write this story now. I'll miss you all when it's over. But let's not think of that. Let's just think of how I'm gonna end this story. It could end up dark or bright. Tell me what you'd like!

And ever thanks for supporting me!!! I really appreciate it!


	30. Chapter 28

Ok, this is pretty fast… Be happy and read… and review

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 28

When there was no one around that looked like her… was there any good about Kikyo in his memories?

Suddenly Kagome stood up. She had to go and see Inuyasha. Now that that thought occurred to her she really needed to have a good conversation with him. 

"Sango-chan… I am going."

"What?! I thought you said you were going tomorrow!" Sango replied, shock to be seen on her face.

"No, no I'm not _going_…I'm going to see Inuyasha…"

"Need to speak to him?"

"Sango… Don't you think a memory is no memory without remembrance?"

"I… guess…" Sango whispered confused to herself when Kagome rushed out the door.

Kagome rushed past the houses and ran carefully but still at speed towards the Inuyasha forest… his place-to-be. The twigs of the trees slapped in her face and against her body but she didn't really notice. Goshimboku…

"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled at the Goshimboku, knowing he'd be somewhere between the thick branches and green leafs. She got no response. What the…

"Inuyasha! Come _on_! I need to speak to you!"

She heard a rustle somewhere in the old tree and suddenly he landed inches away from her.

"Now, what do you want!"

"Inuyasha… I need to speak to you about-" she began but was cut off by Inuyasha's unsympathetic 'Keh'.

"Don't feel like it."

"But Inuyasha-" but she was cut off again by his low, growling mumbling, catching a part thatn sounded like 'wench'.

"Why won't you _ever_ let me FINISH!"

"Kagome, just go back to your time, I don't care who you are gonna take with you, I don't give a shit! Just go back and turn things back to normal, okay!"

"Inuyasha… You aren't… aren't _really _meaning what you say… Are you?" Kagome replied, her eyes showing she was unwilling to believe what he just said.

"Keh!"

"You aren't, you _aren't _meaning what you say! You can't be! Why won't you just open up for once in your life!!"

"See no reason for it." He answered her coldly, knowing deep inside he might regret this decision.

"Inuyasha…" she whispered, "Can't you see you are being unreasonable… You gotta choose between your options Inuyasha, you can't do half of both…"

"Tell me something new."

"What I am _saying_ is…" she paused, glaring at his cold eyes, "That you can't wish Kikyo out of _my_ body…" she said, emphasising every word, "…and later on change your mind and stay here, wanting Kikyo to be alive again! Think when you act, you… YOU MORON!!" she yelled, looking at him with a tight-lipped face, glaring at his eyes that showed a little shock and anger now.

"I don't CARE if you think I'm a moron! Soon I won't see you anymore so it doesn't MATTER!"

"That's right, Inuyasha…" she sighed with exhaustion in her voice, "You won't see me anymore. You won't see Kikyo anymore _either_. What have you got left then, Inuyasha… What is it that keeps you here…"

"It's none of your f*cking business, you know! Now go and pack your bag and…" Inuyasha angrily shot back at her, mumbling some things when he jumped back up to the tree.

"Inuyasha!" she yelled up the tree, "I'm NOT going 'till I know what's keeping you here! And I mean it!"

~*~

"Houshi-sama… Do you think Inuyasha will come with us to Kagome's time?"

"Depends if he's still being stubborn or finally let's his heart take of the mask he wears everyday."

"You really think he does like Kagome?"

"Of course he does."

"And I mean… Not because she looks like Kikyo?"

"Of course!"

"Ano… Houshi-sama? You're really confident on Inuyasha's feelings, aren't you?"

"Sure I am!"

"But… How can you be so sure, I mean I know they had their moments but…"

"How can someone not love Kagome! She IS hot you know…"

"HOUSHI!" Sango yelled as she smashed her Hiraikotsu in his head. Seriously! Is that ALL he thinks about?!

"I'm sorry Sango…" he said rubbing his head, "But I do think he loves her. I really do think so."

"If only he wasn't being so stubborn!"

"Yeah I know… Maybe we should do something about it…"

"Question is, CAN we do something about it?"

"Of course we can! Playing that Kagome already left won't be too hard would it?"

"Mmm… You got a point there. I'll talk things over with Kagome when she-" Sango said thoughtfully when a fuming Kagome came in.

"Geez, I don't know why I even _bothered _to talk some sense in to that head of his!" she stated, angrily clutching her fists to her sides.

"You know… Kagome-sama, we _could _help him a little…" Miroku began.

"I don't think that's a good thing. It's time he should see for his self! It's not like he's a little kid or something!" Kagome stated.

"You know, that _is _a point…"

Shippo had of course heard all of it, being the sneaky Kitsune. Well if Kagome didn't want Miroku and Sango to help him a little… The comments of a little Kitsune might convince him…

~*~

Evil cliffhanger! Sorry, sorry, sorry… I just thought it was a nice place to cut it off. And also that I've been writing 2.5 pages completely nothing 'cause I don't want to rush the end… Which reminds me, I still haven't decided if I should make you a _happy _ending or a dark and _sad _ending. Tell me. 'Cause I wanna be convinced… ^_~ Anyway just review and I hope to end the story before I go to France for holiday… 'Cause then you'd have to wait four long and tensed weeks just for the week ending I'll probably come up with. So tell me so that I can decide what to write! Ja ne!


	31. Author's Note and current ThankYouList!

The Hated Author's Note…

Yes peoples, I _am _sorry… But I wasn't able to write another chapter in time. I'm going to France for four weeks and I really don't want to actually. I'm leaving all my friends here and I'll miss you guys too. You have now idea how I will miss you guys. I don't even know you but I really got attached to you the past 9 months that I was writing this story. I wish I could give you another chapter before I go but I simply don't have the time. My mom's making me clean up the house etc, etc. I do nice things with my friends and such, I have to pack my bag for holiday and I have to celebrate my birthday. Ok that sounds like it's a pain in the ass to celebrate my anniversary but it just takes time… and sometimes it's really annoying talking to guests for hours…-_-'. So that are my puny arguments for not writing.

Kick me.

Of course I could've written a chapter. I had plenty of time. The thing is that I want it to be perfect or almost perfect and it's not working right now. I write total crap at the moment and I'm having troubles with how to develop the ending smoothly and not too fast/slow. Sorry. If I'd put more effort in it I guess you would've had a chapter instead of an excuse here. I promise that when I'm back I'll write you a good chapter and I'm planning on good development towards the ending. ^_^ That's a promise. So forgive me for not writing.

Damn!

I really don't want to let you wait and I don't want to leave you for four weeks! I mean is it worth waiting four weeks for the last two chapters? I mean, seriously I'm gonna disappoint you with a lame ending. You know, maybe I could post the happy _and _the sad ending. Just for variation. ^_^ I guess that'll do. 'Cause personally I think the happy ending is more, well random and cliché and the sad ending is really original and interesting. Ok I'll tell you the basic facts:

Happy ending: Inuyasha comes with Kagome to her time.

Sad ending: Inuyasha stays in the Sengoku Jidai.

That's it mainly. The plot-twists and such are MY secret but that's plainly how it is. I think I'll post both endings that I have in mind. Then you can read them both and tell me what you liked best, what you missed in one ending or the other etc. I think that'll do ^_^. I'll get on to the thank-you-list for now I think. Then I don't have to post that as the last chapter… (I don't like it when you read something that looked like an ending, then see there's another chapter and then find out that it's just the Thank-You-List. Ok just some weird thought of mine… Just forget that) So…. Get ready for the list!

****

San-chan's Thank-You-List

__

(in no specific order)

Stormstar: Thank you for being so loyal to review! I just wished you started reviewing earlier… ^_~ Reviewing every chapter would've boosted that number up! Thank you!

Sunset: For telling me how hooked you were since Chapter 26. You really made me wanna write a new chapter and it's (again) too bad you discovered my story when I was nearing the end (again my number of reviews would've risen like hell…)

Nghi: For all of your help, support and long reviews. You really had good comments, and your reviews made me feel special! Thank you for helping me with the details and stuff and just… Thank you for everything!

Kalokagathos: For supporting me and read my chapters before I posted them to check any grammatical errors. I did appreciate it and I didn't send the last couple of chapters because I was already taking so long… Just know that I did appreciate your help and that it meant a lot to me! Thank you!

Aldrean Treu Peri: You reviewed me around chapter 14 and after a while you reviewed again on one of my latest chapters and you really make me keep believing the other people that reviewed a while ago will also come to review again sometime… I don't know you just made me happy! Thank you!

ChristyKay: Well I gues you really reviewed me the most. Your support always helped me and I really liked your reviews. Also your story rocks, I hope you update soon… (I really am hooked and NEED to read it!) Thanks for everything. You really are one of the best friends I have on FF.net, though I never even met you! 

Ritoru Kani: You really reviewed me from the beginning and I want to thank you for that. I guess you are the only one that reviewed since the very beginning. Maybe you even reviewed more than ChristyKay! Anyway, your reviews weren't long but you did always make me happy and I really appreciated your support and sugar-high! Thank you for making me happy when I hadn't much reviews and making me want to write more!

Sailor Saturn: You made me happy. I just want to thank you for reviewing and supporting me and… well just being there! Thank you!

Slycat: For your support and mailing with me. I really enjoyed mailing with you and I just hope I wasn't being annoying… -_-' ^_~

And last but not least: Thank you everyone who reviewed, I never had any flames and I think that's a good sign. After I finish I will be starting a new story soon, I'm not gonna stop 'cause if there is one thing that can cheer me up immediately, no matter what happened, it's a review. Just someone I never met, that I don't know can cheer me up better than any friend in the world. I don't really know why. I just want to thank you all. I love you all!

Anyway… I hope you check my account sometime when I finish this story, just to see if I started a new story… You guys really are the best and just thanks for being here for me! I'm almost sad to end the story you know… I _am_ gonna miss you guys, with your happy support and suggestions. I really spent almost a whole year to this story. I started writing it in my autumn-break, when I was sleeping over at my niece's place. Now it's summerbreak the next year and it's nearly finished. It's really my first long story ever. I just want to thank you all! I'll never forget you guys! 


	32. Chapter 29

I'M BACK!

So I'll first give you the chapter, then I'll tell you about my vacation!

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 29

The woods seemed so quiet and peaceful at first sight… When you'd take a closer look you'd see a running Kitsune in the tall grass aiming for a big and old tree. A Kitsune with a target…

"Inuyasha! INUYASHA!" 

"WHAT now?"

"I can't find Kagome anywhere!"

"She was here the other minute. S'pose she's at Kaede's. Now go!"

"But…"

"What! That's the place she should be, don't you think!"

"But I just came from Kaede's!"

"Whatever! She's not here."

"What if… What if…" Shippo started, his words followed by a sob.

"Geez, don't be so friggin upset! I smell her, she's still here!" 

And that's not something the little Kitsune had counted on... But little kids have creative minds. He climbed up the tree to the branch Inuyasha was sitting on, in the shadow of the green leaves.

"I wish I smelled her… What does she smell like?"

"Don't be stupid. You smelled her a dozen times."

"I have a cold and am a little kid. I don't remember…"

"Yeah… Sure!"

"Inuyasha… Are you going say goodbye to us when we go?"

"Sure…"

"I think I'm gonna miss you…"

"Whatever…"

"Aren't you gonna miss me…"

"No… By the way…"

"..or anyone else?"

"…what are you still doing here…"

"I just wanted to talk to you now that I am still here…"

"You said you were looking for Kagome, you little brat!"

"I was, but you said she was still here… and I thought I'd spend some 'last moments' with you…" Shippo said dramatically, his right paw resting on his chest, his left waving in the air, " I might not see you again before we say goodbye tomorrow… And I guess you'd say your good-byes to someone else…"

"Now what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean…" the little Kitsune said, sticking his elbow in Inuyasha's side. He moved his hand in front of his mouth and whispered, "You know… 

Your girl…"

"Whatever…" Inuyasha mumbled, Shippo noting a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Say Inuyasha… Who are you gonna miss most?"

Inuyasha turned his head and looked straight at the Kitsune. He moved closer, narrowing his eyes, "That's quite simple. That would be you of course, you annoying little BRAT! Fuck off and let me be, will ya!"

"I was just wondering… If I'd stay here all on my own… I'd know who I'd miss most…"

"Fuck off!" Inuyasha said while kicking him out of the tree.

"Kyaaaaaa!"

****

POOF

"He won't bother me anymore…" Inuyasha mumbled. He was just about to lay back when he saw this odd pink thingy drift by…

"Say, Inuyasha… that wasn't very nice… Do you want me to remember you like that?"

"I already told you to fuck off! Go find Kagome, cry with her and be sad, then tomorrow you'll all just go home and I'll have my REST!"

"… Inuyasha…" Shippo sobbed, "You're not meaning a single word of what you just said…"

"Believe what you want to believe! Keep dreaming… You might be more lucky than I was!"

Inuyasha had a hard time keeping up his attitude. Why'd the stupid little Kitsune have to go and have a talk with him! Annoying little kid…

"Well then… I'll go find Kagome… She might sit you… For the very last time…" he said dramatically, turning into a fox again and running off.

"Keh… Whatever…" he mumbled. 

*For the very last time… Is this what I want it to be… Is this what's it supposed to be…? I don't know… But I can't go crawling back now can I… Also it's not a smart thing to do… only weak. I already showed too much weakness… It's no good. Is it? It's not me and never will be to show what I feel… Kagome would only be hurt if I came with her. Now she will forget about everything that happened here. Only her friends will come with her… I don't fit in there…*

~*~

A flash of Kagome's smiling face…

…Miroku's smacked head, a fuming Sango next to him.

…A crying Kitsune and a mad Kagome. Her lips motioning the word 'sit'.

And then there was… Kikyo… Graceful… Pale… And dead. But still as beautiful as if she were alive...

Kagome again… Mad and sad eyes, running… 'I'm going home…'

Kaede, her wise eyes, sad and understanding… 'Go get her.'

Another flash of memories rushed through his head. All they had gone through… All they had laughed about, had been sad about… All the youkai they had fought successfully…

The arrow he saw coming at him when Kikyo shot him… Kagome, dressed as Kikyo, forced to shoot him, being controlled by Menomaru… Her crying eyes…

'Inuyasha… Run…'

Her eyes when he first got human and she had to save him… When she grabbed his hand and kept Kikyo from taking him to hell… When she looked at him, pleadingly, wanting Kouga to stay alive…

The little Kitsune, with his serious face… 'Kouga… Your love-rival…'

****

… Your love-rival…

With a shock he opened his eyes. It was dark, the wind playing with the leafs on the tree, the moon shining a weak, white light down on him. 

All these memories…

__

Kagome

…flashed through…

__

Kikyo

…his mind. No knowing what to do, feeling more doubt than ever, feeling more and more undecided.

__

The guilt

Kikyo… showing him the Tama, motioning 'It can be used for good or bad purposes'

__

The surprise

Kagome, climbing up to him, narrowing her eyes, saying 'My name is Kagome, Ka-go-me'

__

The connection

The Shikon no Tama… All the scattered pieces flying everywhere…

__

Kagome

Kikyo

"…Shikon no Tama… I'll take you with me to the other world…"

Coming to the conclusion…

*Everything has to end.*

~*~

So there you have it. The only thing left now is the epilogue, sad or happy. Read both when I post them and tell me which you liked best… But for now this is up and I hope you liked it!

Wanna hear about my vacation? Then read this part… Else just skip it. ^_^

Ok so I went to the south of France. It was FRIGGEN hot there, 35 degrees Celsius… So around noon the swimmingpool was the only option actually. Evenings were for table tennis. I don't know what you other people do, but Dutchies always go and play table tennis. So there were a lot of Dutch people there (after a couple of days I found out that other people were RARE… Really there were almost only Dutch people…) Well anyway, that was fun. I ended up with a group, a nice group… And I got a BOYFRIEND!! And now I'm just happy. ^_^ Too bad almost everyone of that group went home a week before me… -_- That really sucked. But oh well… It was the best vacation ever and from now on I won't bother you anymore with my annoying depressive Author's Notes. Everything's okay now, I got my confidence back and I hope I'll never fall in such a dark hole again… -_-' So anyway I made a lot of pictures… And then I found out that half of them is ruined because the film didn't wind up or something 'cause these little holes on top and bottom were torn… So instead of 36, I had 18 pictures… I really hate my camera for that, also because it has done that 2 times before… Fuck my camera. Next year I'll trade it with a digital camera. I'll ritually burn it and may it rest in hell when the time is right…

Ok so that _was _a little sadistic… Whatever. Just review. ^_^ You'd make me even happier than I already am!


	33. Chapter 30 Sad Epilogue

Ok I'm being a bad writer… I'm posting the sad ending first. I wrote this while listening to all sad music of Inuyasha… I hope it improved the feel of this! If you have the music I strongly suggest you'd play it. It adds another dimension… Ok, that _was_ a little strange. Just read it and tell me what you thought.

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Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

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Chapter 30- Sad Epilogue

The next day Kagome packed everything with a plain face. She showed no emotion whatsoever… meaning she was so sad and hopeless, she just couldn't and wouldn't show it anymore. Inuyasha had to proof worthy of her trust all these months by going with her, or break her trust apart by staying… After all that happened in her life, the most important thing still had to come. 

The final decision.

And still no clue where this could be going…

~*~

Everything had to end… Inuyasha realized it now. All things end sometime in your life.

Dangerous battles with youkai end.

Quests for shards of some jewel end.

Relationships end.

__

Nothing lasts forever…

A single tear forced his way out and dropped down his cheek, leaving a minuscule stain on his red haori. Today was the day… It would end.

~*~

Kagome walked out and raised her head towards the sky. Clouds slowly drifted by, the sun shone its rays on the earth, eager to wake up all living creatures and plants, seeing them grow older day by day...

How she'd miss this pure era…

Oh, how she'd miss the pure smell of nature.

So many stars could be seen here when you looked at the sky at nights… Mostly she watched them at the night of the new moon. Together with…

The new moon…

It reminded her of him… How he'd soften when he was human! 

Her hopes being squashed again the next day…

__

Soon it would be all over…

"Guys! Wake up… I… We'll be going soon." She said while gently trying to wake her companions.

"So the day has come…" Miroku sighed. That hanyou still hadn't made up his mind…

"It has. Would you all pack your stuff?"

A simultaneous 'yes' could be heard, though it sounded not so enthusiastic.

No wonder, with all of them wondering when their friend would finally give up his attitude for his own good…

~*~

From the very beginning he knew it had to end. Deep down inside, he knew. He couldn't share his entire life with a girl from the future. More importantly, that girl was a reincarnation of his love… 

Kikyo.

His friendship and relationship with Kikyo had ended too… This girl being her ancestor…

__

History just had to repeat itself.

~*~

Kagome got down and lifted her backpack on her back. Heavy as always. But nothing was heavier than the tears and rage she was holding back. After all they had been through…

She still was Kikyo to him.

Swallowing away her tears, she remembered herself that if he still saw her that way, it was no use whatsoever. It would never change, no matter how much she wanted it. If he still saw her as a mere reflection, well then, so be it.

Tired of being Kikyo's shadow, Kagome walked out the door, telling the others to be at the well in 5 minutes.

Five minutes left to see him. To convince him. To lose him…

~*~

Inuyasha sighed again. It just wasn't meant to be. A girl from the future… Feh! Now _that_ was something to hold on to… No. He'd just accept his fate. 

"Inuyasha! We're going in five minutes!"

So… He had five minutes left to smell her scent…

Five minutes to see her face…

Five minutes to realize again that she wasn't like Kikyo…

Five minutes… To realize it was all too late…

Five minutes to lose her.

~*~

Kagome heard the leaves rustle and saw a red figure jump down. Inuyasha… Her love, her friend, but still… Her pain, her insecurity…

Her life.

Without saying a word Inuyasha held her in a tight embrace, stroking her hair, feeling her body ache a bit. Shivering, trying not to cry, Kagome held him and closed her eyes. Suddenly she broke their moment and stared at him with no expression. 

"I…" she cleared her throat and corrected herself, "_We_ are going…"

"I'll walk you guys to the well…" Inuyasha said, unknowingly knowing how she felt inside.

Because it was exactly the same way as he felt.

~*~

Walking up the path to the well, Miroku whispered to Sango, "I hope Inuyasha clears out his mind…"

"I know… He'd better get his ass going and do something because all he knows and is familiar with is slipping away from him!"

"I just hope he won't tear Kagome apart… Or tear himself apart for that matter…"

"All we can do is hope… Though I slightly lost my faith in Inuyasha…"

~*~

Kagome and Inuyasha reached the well at the same time as Miroku, Sango and Shippo.

"So… I guess you're still not coming with us…?" Miroku said hesitantly. He looked at him with knowing eyes, trying to convince him he was doing the wrong thing.

"No…" The word slipped out his mouth. Past his lips. Crushed the hope of his friends

~*~

That was it… The word she had been waiting for… No…

__

No, I don't want to go with you

No, I don't like you

No, I don't think you're anything more than Kikyo

No, I don't love you

No, I don't act stubborn, I mean it

No, I won't cherish my memories with you

No, I don't want you around as a mere excuse for Kikyo

No, I won't… won't remember you as Kagome…

"Inuyasha… Osuwari…" Kagome sighed. Inuyasha's face met the dirt for the very last time… And Kagome sat down.

"I'll just… remove these now…" Kagome stretched out her hand, being cut off by Inuyasha's snarl.

"No! Leave them on!" he said, his hand clutching the beads around his neck.

"Okay… If that's what you want… If this is what you want…"

"Leave them on…"

"I guess… We should be going now." Kagome said suddenly, raising to her feet, "Has everyone got everything?"

They just nodded in response, sending their worried and angry glares to Inuyasha. So he didn't want to be thoughtful… Just strong, as always. Nothing had changed in him. You'd think the quest had taught him something. You'd think the whole thing with Kikyo would've bashed some sense into his head. But he still remained the same… the same hanyou that wanted to become strong. Strong like the youkai that had spit on him. Strong like his dad. Strong, so that he could protect himself… and the ones he loved…

Which he was totally failing to do right now…

"OK, guys just… just… just take my hand, okay?" she said, her eyes becoming wet, her mouth tightly shut so that she could hold it in. Her tears being ones of loneliness, of anger, of disappointment, of _betrayal_.

While the others grabbed her hand and she stood on the edge of the well she turned around and whispered:

"Just know that I loved you, Inuyasha… I always will…"

At his gaze of surprise and indecisiveness she jumped in with the others. Letting her tears flow, screaming his name with her heart breaking…

"INUYASHA!!!"

"W-wait…"

He winced in shock. The very second she jumped in, he knew. He realized his horrible mistake… He realized his stubbornness. He realized she was his everything…

His life.

With hollow pits of darkness being his eyes, he turned around. He slowly started to walk away, away of that well. The place seemed to have cursed him a long time ago. His feet taking him to the Goshimboku, he slowly started crying. More and more wet spots stained his haori and he smashed his fist into the old tree…

__

Everything…

He hit the tree again.

__

Everything had to end! 

But why had he forced the end? Why had he denied that he could do something to postpone it? 

Why hadn't he just come… come with her…

__

Her eyes were his bottomless pits of happiness.

Her face was that of a love lost long ago…

… But it didn't resemble that face.

The strings of her hair were the strings that held his fate.

She was everything he had lived for…and now it was gone…

Gone…

He touched the beads on his neck. Her way to hold him... And get him back to normal when he turned youkai.

__

Youkai…

And so he decided. He took out Tetsusaiga, and smashed it into the Goshimboku tree. With all power that lay within him he hit the spot where Kikyo's arrow had been, 50 years ago. He let go of the sword and broke down sobbing…

He would turn youkai. Being strong… What he had always wanted.

His heart was empty. His eyes tired of crying. His tears still flowing.

Soon, he wouldn't have to feel any emotion.

He would be what he had always wanted to be…

And knew that he was running…

Running away…

__

The only option.

~*~

Kagome let her friends in, they all watched her silently… She couldn't take it!

"Mom… Please welcome them, I- I'll be right back…" she said while leaving her friends with her mom, deciding she needed to cry, cry her eyes out…

She lay down on her bed with her tears flowing. She smashed her fist into her pillow and started to cry inexhaustible. Why, why, why, why!

"Inuyasha… Inuyasha… WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!" she broke down sobbing again, "You could've at least told me what you thought…" she whispered, "Maybe you could've overcome your stubbornness and… and…"

She smashed her pillow again, trying to get her sadness, her anger out. But it was no use.

He had broken her heart into pieces.

And to complete and purify it again… The quest would be much longer than this had been.

She had to do it on her own. Collecting the shards of her broken heart…

And she _knew_ she'd try to jump down the well a dozen times.

~*~

So there you have it. The best of all my sadness was collected in here… Geez, I actually feel bad for letting them go through this… *snif* Tell me what you thought about this. I'm actually kinda proud… I do like it this way. It's what I wanted it to be, it just turned out to be a little longer than I expected. Soon the happy ending will be up to. I'm too proud of this to post them together… ^_~ 'Cause I expect the happy ending to be corny… But I guess happy endings sooth peoples fears of them going apart in the series… -_- Another weird comment. I'm just a little floating in psychological thoughts 'cause this was so sad… Leave me a review.

And kick me if you thought this was too sad…


	34. Chapter 30 Happy Epilogue

The happy ending. The last thing I'll write for this fic… I'm happy I finished this, though on the other hand I _am _gonna miss you, the reviewers, and all I did with this fic. I'll have to come up with a new idea… O_O Beware… 

****

Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting

__

Chapter 30- Happy Epilogue

Kagome packed her bag, checking if she wasn't leaving everything behind. For a millisecond she wondered about Inuyasha… But cut that thought off. After all, the hanyou had to think on his own for once. He could prove her now he had been worthy of her trust the past months…

What could be on his mind?

  
~*~

Everything had to end. Everything comes to an end… Inuyasha realized in shock. 

Battles with youkai end.

Quests for shards of a sacred jewel end.

Every second ends… 

But an ending means… A _beginning_…

Today was the day of endings… and new beginnings…

~*~

Kagome looked outside and wondered for the millionth time this quest about how beautiful the nature was here… Everything so pure…Oh, how she'd miss that.

Back home there was no nature… Only pollution, cars, big buildings and street lights that made it impossible to see the less bright stars at night.

She gently shook the others and said: "Guys, wake up…"

*Yawn* "So… The day has finally come!" Miroku said, knowing that his half-demon friend still hadn't made the decision.

"Yes so… Would you all gather your stuff? I expect you at the well in, let's say… Five minutes?"

"That's okay, Kagome-chan. I hope we see you there…" Sango said, knowing her friend wanted her talk with Inuyasha. She looked at Miroku with an "I-hope-Inuyasha-won't-be-stupid-look and started packing her things. Surely, that hanyou would see in time that he'd better come with them?

~*~

A new beginning… But new beginnings… Did they always go as you'd want it?

No, he knew all to well… All to well that his new beginning with Kikyo, 50 years ago, had ended in total disaster… It had really ended there…

He came to notice that wasn't entirely true. It was again a new beginning… The beginning of a life full of sorrow for both of them…

Wouldn't it all go wrong again? Kagome was her ancestor…

Maybe this new beginning ended up even worse than it did 50 years ago…

~*~

Kagome lifted her backpack and got it on her back. Heavy as always… Not as heavy as the doubts she had but… Still heavy. 

She suddenly wondered how Kikyo had felt the day Inuyasha was gonna get human with the Shikon… Happiness? Relief? She didn't know… She only knew that she herself was only buried in doubts at the moment, still not knowing what the hanyou was about to do.

But she decided he'd have to figure things out on his own. No more asking, begging, or convincing whatsoever. He'd have to do things on his own.

See what he makes out of it.

The five minutes that she'd talk to him could be the last after all…

~*~

Somehow he had a bad feeling about this. Was it just because his new beginning with Kikyo had turned out to be his worst nightmare? 

But Naraku wasn't there anymore to crush him… And he hadn't even been the target! It was Kikyo he was after...

Still he had the feeling he was cursed. Cursed to live a life without beginnings. Only endings…

"Inuyasha! We're going in five minutes!"

So he had five minutes…

Five minutes to overcome his fears and go with them…

Five minutes to wonder…

Five minutes to take in the fresh air…

Five minutes… Five minutes to remember Kikyo… For he couldn't do that to Kagome if he came with them…

~*~

Kagome saw a red figure jumping down the tree. Suddenly she felt like there was no doubt he'd come with her… He couldn't stay here! He was her grumpy hanyou, she felt like she had known him all her life. He was a part of her life. He couldn't just stay here…

He belonged with her…

With their eyes locked Inuyasha pulled her into a tight embrace. He shivered lightly. He was so afraid he'd mess up this new beginning… Maybe it was better to stay here… So he couldn't spoil their new beginning… He wanted them to live happily… After all they had been through…

"Inuyasha…I… _We_ are going… Soon." 

"I-…I know…"

Kagome let him go and looked in his eyes.

"You still haven't decided yet, have you?" she said bitterly, knowing he was so full of doubts that he probably stay here to think about it… Only coming to the conclusion he _should_ have gone with them. 

"I don't-" he stopped in the middle of his sentence and started a new one, "I'll walk you to the well…"

~*~

Clearing the branches and twigs of big trees and tiny bushes out of the way, he spoke to Sango.

"You'd say he should've decided now…"

"You know him: he likes to postpone everything. Last-minute decisions are so like him…"

"I just hope he doesn't make the wrong decision, finding out seconds later he should've decided differently…"

"You can say that again… You know, I kinda lost my faith in him…"

~*~

They met Sango, Miroku and Shippo by the well. Sango practically wanted to strangle Inuyasha, 'cause by the look on Kagome's face she could figure he still didn't make up his mind. She looked over at Miroku, who probably had the same thoughts…

"So guys, do you have everything?" Kagome asked, her voice a bit shaking.

"Yes… Not that there was much to pack actually…" Sango answered. She send a glare at Inuyasha, but he didn't even seem to notice. Too lost in his thoughts.

"Well," Kagome began, "Inuyasha. I guess this is good-bye then…"

With a sudden impulse she kissed him on the cheek. "Goodbye… Inuyasha."

He didn't even look her in the eye. He didn't even notice what was going on around him.

Kagome stood at the edge of the well, telling the others to join her.

"Kagome-chan, wait a second. There's something I still need to do…" Sango said. 

She walked over to the emotionless Inuyasha and smacked him flat on the cheek. He didn't budge. She yelled at him. He did nothing. 

"Well, fine then, you _know_ you're being foolish, don't ya?!"

"Everything… Everything has to end. Endings also mean beginnings…" he mumbled.

"What the…"

"Sango-chan… I guess we should be… Going…", Kagome said, swallowing away the upcoming tears and turning around to look at him, "Inuyasha… Just know that I… I always loved you… Even though I guess it was one-sided love…"

~*~

Suddenly Inuyasha turned back to reality. He was no longer lost in his thoughts.

"Kagome!"

Kagome turned around for the second time and looked at him. "What is it…"

"Kagome… Wait for me…"

Kagome's face had gone from sad staring into a huge grin.

"Inuyasha… Grab my hand… We are about to jump in!"

He did so and they floated through the bright blue light for the last time…

~*~

"Mom! Mom!" Kagome ran out of the well house and started running towards the house. She was home… Home! She never realized how she had missed it. Turning around she saw the others following her, looking around in awe. 

"Guys, come on in!" she said, opening the front door. 

  
"Kagome! You're home! Oh, baby I missed you! I thought you weren't gonna come back!"

"Oh mom… I missed you too…" she replied, hugging her mother tightly.

"Nee-chan, you brought Inuyasha!!" Souta exclaimed, happy that his hero was here too.

"Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, come on in!"

Kagome introduced them to her family and they went to sit in the living room. They had a fun time, talking about the differences between the Era's and all of the technical stuff this modern time possessed. When it was lunchtime, Kagome thought it was time to introduce them to some technical stuff…

"Guys, I think I can explain to you how the toaster works…"

~*~

A week had past and the gang started to get used to all the weird things of this Era and started to feel at home. It was a bit complicated to let them all sleep somewhere, but they had come to the conclusion Inuyasha and Miroku should sleep in the attic and Sango could sleep together with Kagome in her room. 

  
Now the gang was eating lunch, four of them sitting around the table. They chatted and laughed when suddenly they heard some noise from the kitchen.

"Oh geez! That stupid machine!" Inuyasha had cursed.

"Uhm… Guys… I guess I'll go and help him…" Kagome said, a sweatdrop appearing…She paced to the kitchen and found Inuyasha glaring at the toaster.

"Inuyasha… It's not that hard you know…"

"Keh! I'd swear it's youkai…"

"Oh boy… Inuyasha, it's not youkai. I'll show you once again how it works, okay?"

She must've toasted the whole bread before Inuyasha finally got it. Not that he'd remember, but it was worth a try…

"Say, ehm… Kagome…" Inuyasha started, a little blush creeping up his cheeks.

"What is it, Inuyasha?"

"Well… I'm glad I came with you guys…"

"I'm glad too, Inuyasha… I don't know what I'd do when you weren't here right now."

"Kagome… I kinda…"

"Yeah?"

"I love you…" he whispered. Kagome held him in a tight embrace and replied, "I love you like no one else on this planet…"

~*~

"Geez, what are they _doing_ in there…"

"You got a sick mind, houshi…"

"Oh, Sango, I'm hurt you know… How can you think of me like that…"

"Oh like you don't know… And get your hand offa me NOW or be dead!"

"I'm gonna go sneak up on them…" a certain fox-demon said.

~*~

"STOP LAUGHING STUPID KITSUNE!!"

"Mwhahahaha… Sango, Miroku, you should've SEEN this!"

****

BAF

"Ouch…"

"What the HELL is happening over here?!" Sango yelled, getting from the living room to the kitchen.

"Nothing…" a _very _innocent Inuyasha stated.

"They were making out!!!" a wide-grinning Kitsune said, the large bump on his head soon being joined by another one…

"Ah… So Inuyasha, do you need my advice…?"

"Keh!"

"Aww… Finally you got over your stubbornness, Inuyasha… Isn't that sweet!" Sango said, looking at Kagome with a you-got-it-all-I'm-so-happy-for-you-look. 

"Whatever…"

"Uhm… Guys…" a deep red tomato, formerly known as Kagome started, "Why don't we finish lunch…"

~*~

Okay, I thought that was nice enough. A bit long, a bit corny… -_- A bit HORRIBLE if you ask me… No, I don't like it…

But anyway, in the process of writing this I started a new story with my brother. Not a one-shot, like the other one, but a long story. I guess that'll have to do as my new story for now. It's gonna be called "The evil tuinkabouter" and it's gonna be a humor story… (My brother isn't serious enough to write an angst/romance fic or something…) Oww yeah… And are you wondering about the 'tuinkabouter'? It's all being explained in our fic. I guess I'll post it tonight… (in Holland it's now morning…)

Please review me and please try the Evil Tuinkabouter when I post it… I think it _is _kinda funny… ^_^


	35. What to do next? HELP!

HELLO MY DEAR READERS!

You know, I like the last chapters of this story a lot, I think I did a great job with those. So I was thinking about a rewrite of the first chapters, 'cause when I read them I _totally _hate them. 

NO REALLY!

I mean, go back, read it, and SEE how much it had deserved flames O_O

I'm really kinda embarrassed with those chapters. Actually, they just suck… GAH!

So I wanted to rewrite the whole bunch. Of course I need to find time for that, and it will probably cause that the fic I'm writing offline won't come out this year. Maybe not even next summer…

So what I was trying to do with this was ask your opinion. I might post the rewrite as a whole new story, so the old chapters will be beheld and, of course, so that I'd get more reviews ^_~ 

But I need to know if what I'd be doing would distress any reader of the old version… (Yeah sure) so that I wouldn't offend anyone O_o

But every time I receive a review from someone who started reading it when I had already finished, I wonder WHY he or she read those first chapters anyway! I mean, those are total CRAP!

No seriously, I think I now know why I never reach 100 reviews with this. The last chapters are cool, and I'm proud of those, but the first are REALLY bad…

So that's actually my motivation for writing a rewrite. As said before, it'll be posted as a different story that'll probably be called just Final Breakdowns and Still Doubting Rewrite.

  
Maybe I should title it differently…

But that'd separate the rewrite from its source!

No, guess I'll leave it at the previously stated title. Anyway I talk too much. Just give me your opinion:

Would you like to actually READ the rewrite of those stupid chapters, now that you already now what'll happen?

Would you mind if I changed a lot of descriptional stuff?

Do you think it's worth my time, for I promised my offline written fic to be posted around Christmas (and I haven't even got 3 chapters!)

The problem with the offline fic is (OK I'll be calling it by its name from here, it's called Demonic Wings) that it's based on a book. I have to get the first chapters right before I can post it, 'cause I'll probably be changing things in that over and over again so that it'll fit. So it's a lot of work, and this year is my hardest year of school, so I'm busy with that a lot, so I take very long. 

And with that, I'm reading the new Harry Potter ^_^ Cool… Though I still don't know who's gonna die… O_O

DON'T TELL ME!

Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you… :P

So anyway, I want to know what YOU think ^_^ 

So please leave a review, I _need_ to know what to do next in fictional land…

Sincerely, 

San-chan (YES I like to leave the @'s out… FF.net forced me, else I would've been called San-chan1… Anyway, enough of that. Leave me your thoughts on the subject!)


End file.
